110+ Cow Jokes to Make You Spit Take Your Milk

Ready to beef up your joke game and have them udderly helpless with laughter? Then, you’ve come to the right place! This article features the ultimate list of cow jokes, including dad jokes, knock-knock jokes, and puns for kids and adults. Plus, we spoke with comedian Kendall Payne and public speaking coach Patrick Muñoz for their best tips for telling jokes that are sure to lighten everyone’s mooood.

Best Cow Jokes & Puns

Why were the cows in a fight? They had beef.
Where do cows dance? The Meat Ball.
Where do cow farts come from? Their dairy-ère.
What do you call a sad cow? Moo-dy.
What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.

Section 1 of 9:

Funniest Cow Jokes

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Make them laugh out loud with a hilarious cow joke. Laughter brings people together, helps relieve stress, and relaxes your muscles.^{[1]
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Go to source} Help them relax and chill out with one of these sidesplitting cow jokes:
- Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
- What would you get if you milked a really forgetful cow? Milk of Amnesia.
- Why don't cows have money? Because the farmers keep draining them dry.
- What do you call a cow who won a beauty pageant? A Dairy Queen.
- What did the cow say to its therapist? I feel seen but not herd.
- What happens when you try talking to a cow? Everything just goes in one ear and out the udder.
- Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
- What do you call a cow that enjoys stand-up comedy? A laughing stock.
- Where do cow farts come from? Their dairy-ère.
- What did the cow comedian say to his apprentice? Watch out, you don’t want to butcher any of these jokes.
- Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes? He kept butchering them.
- What show do cows watch on Netflix? Dairy Girls
- How do cows introduce their wives? Hey guys! Meat Patty.
- What did the cow say when he felt like he’d seen something before? “Deja-moo.”
- Where would you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
- Why were the cows in a fight? They had beef.

Section 2 of 9:

Corny Cow Jokes

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Lean into the corniness with a joke that’s so bad it’s good. Cows love eating corn, so it makes sense that cow jokes can sometimes be a little corny. Harness the power of the cringe with humor that’s familiar yet still irresistibly funny. Here’s a list of corny cow jokes for you to try out on your friends and family:
- What do you call a cow without a map? Udderly lost.
- What do cows drink? Water, silly. They make milk.
- What's an unusual way to make a milkshake? Give a cold cow a pogo stick.
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster? Roost beef.
- What happened when the cow ran into the fence? It was udderly destroyed.
- What has the lone cow been up to lately? Nobody’s herd…
- What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings? Cow-moo-flauged.
- What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.
- What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? An udder failure.
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way.
- What do cows put on french toast? Mooooolasses.
- What do you call a cow who strikes it rich? A cash cow.
- What do you call a scared cow? A cow-ard.
- What does the farmer talk about while milking a cow? Udder nonsense.
- What did the cow tell the butcher? “Please stop, or else we're gonna have beef.”
- What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck? Milk and quackers.
- Why is telling a cow a funny cow joke pointless? They've probably herd it before.
- What math problems do cows like to solve? Moo-tiplication problems.
- What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn? They beefed up their security.

Section 3 of 9:

Funny Cow Jokes for Kids

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Give them a case of the giggles with these kid-friendly cow jokes. Kids love jokes and cows, so telling them cow jokes is a sure thing. Age-appropriate cow jokes will have the youngsters in your life laugh-snorting milk out of their nose…so proceed with caution. But if you’re ready—and don’t mind a little milk on your shirt—try one of these:
- What does a cow watch in the morning? The Daily Moos.
- What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
- What do you call a cow jumping on a trampoline? A milkshake.
- What do cows say when they hear a bad joke? “I am not a-moo-sed.”
- What’s a cow’s favorite candy bar? Milky Way.
- What kind of shows do cows like best? Moo-sicals.
- What do you call a cow sleeping at the farm? A bull-dozer.
- Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk!
- What do you call it when a cow grows facial hair? A moo-stache.
- What kind of lunch meat do cows like best? Bull-ogna.
- What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon.
- What happens when the cow laughs hard? It makes a milkshake.
- When cows get sick, what do you call it? Hay fever.
- Why did the cow go to Hollywood? To be in the moo-vies.
- What do you call a disappearing cow? Moo-dini.
- Where do cows go on a Friday night? The moo-vies.

Section 4 of 9:

Clever Cow Jokes for Adults

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Choose a joke with a clever punchline to tickle an adult funny bone. For adults, humor is more than just getting a laugh. Adults use humor to form bonds, smooth over differences, and diffuse tension. Laughter even helps people be more spontaneous and less defensive.^{[2]
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Go to source} Use one of these clever cow jokes to help keep your relationships close and going smoothly:
- What do you get when you cross a brown chicken and a brown cow? Brown-chicka-brown-cow!
- Two cows were standing in a field. One cow says to the other, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?” The other cow says, “Yeah. It makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
- What do you call a grifting cow? Skim milk.
- Where would you find a cow who's having a really bad day? At McDonald's.
- What happens when you try to reason with a cow? It’s an udder disaster.
- Where did the cow spend all its money? At the cow-sino.
- What’s the cow’s favorite song? “Moo-ves Like Jagger.”
- Why won't cows join the police force? They refuse to participate in steak-outs.
- What show do cows love to watch while they’re eating? Graze Anatomy.
- What would you call a cow wearing armor? Sir Loin.
- What’s the cow’s favorite Melanie Griffith movie? “Milk Money.”
- What do you call a momma cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated.
- What do you call a cow’s illogical point? Moot.
- How do dairy farmers do their taxes? They go to an ac-cow-ntant.
- What do you call a cow who has too many coffees? Over-calf-inated.
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
- What did one cow say to the other on a cold night? “I don't know about you, but I'm Friesian.”

Section 5 of 9:

Groan-Worthy Cow Dad Jokes

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Lighten the mood with some cheesy dad jokes about cows. Okay, yes…dad jokes are predictable and a little lame. But they’re also kind of endearing and so cheesy they’re actually kind of funny again. Plus, a little laughter increases endorphins and makes people feel better.^{[3]
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Go to source} Bring some good vibes into your day with these cow-themed dad jokes:
- What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
- What do you call a cow who refuses to be milked? A milk dud.
- What do you call a grass-fed cow? A lawn moo-er.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
- What did one dairy cow say to the other? Got milk?
- What did the cow and duck name their new rock band? Cheese and quackers.
- How do you make a cow be quiet? Press the moo-te button.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- How did the farmer find the missing cow? He tractor down.
- What do you call an emo cow? Moooooo-dy.
- What does the cow band play? Moo-sic!
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
- What do you call a cow’s sting operation? A steak out.
- What do you get when you cross an ornery sheep with a crabby cow? A real baa-d moo-d.
- What do you call a cow that’s out of this world? An animal in udder space.
- What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
- How would you address the queen of cows? Your Moo-jesty.
- What do you call a cow on a diet? Lean beef.
- Why do cows want to see Times Square? Because it's in Moo York City.

Section 6 of 9:

Silly Cow Puns & One-Liners

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Share a super-silly cow quip to keep them laughing. A pun is a type of word play that exploits multiple meanings of a term.^{[4]
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Research source} People love—and love to hate—pun because they’re quick and witty. And even though puns make many people groan, they often secretly love a good pun anyway.^{[5]
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Research source} Check out the list of punny one-liners below to see if you get a laugh or a groan:
- How do you count cows? With a cow-culator.
- What did the dairy farmer say on the way to work? An udder day, an udder dollar.
- What did the cow detective say about solving the case? The steaks are high.
- What’s the best advice the cow ever got? Seize the moo-ment!
- Where do cows brunch? At the calfé.
- Who's in charge of the dairy operations? The cow-ptain.
- What do you call a sad cow? Moo-dy.
- What is a cow's dream job? Being an udder cover agent.
- What did the mother cow say to the baby cow at night? It’s pasture bedtime, dairy.
- What is a cow's favorite color? Marooooooon.
- Where do cows dance? The Meat Ball.
- Can you make money owning cows? Yes, I've herd it's really profitable.
- What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
- Why do cows stay close when it's cold? To keep each udder warm!
- Where do cows get their medicine? The farm-acy.
- Where do cows eat lunch? In the calf-eteria.
- What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.

Section 7 of 9:

Cow Knock-Knock Jokes

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Throw out a knock-knock joke to a-moooo-se your friends. People tell knock-knock jokes all around the world because they have a simple, straightforward structure that’s easy to understand. Plus, they often get a laugh. Use one of these cow-themed knock-knock jokes to have your audience rolling with laughter:
- Knock knock!
  Who’s there?
  Interrupting cow.
  Interrupting c–
  MOO!
- Knock knock!
  Who’s there?
  Backwards interrupting cow.
  Backwards interrupting c–
  OOM!
- Knock knock.
  Who’s there?
  Cow.
  Cow who?
  Cow-abunga, dude!
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Candy.
  Candy who?
  Candy cow jump over the moon?
- Knock knock.
  Who’s there?
  Moo.
  Moo who?
  Make up your mind. Are you a cow or an owl?
- Knock knock.
  Who’s there?
  Moo.
  Moo who?
  Stop crying, you silly cow.
- Knock knock.
  Who’s there?
  Cow.
  Cow who?
  Cow much longer can you tolerate this knocking?
- Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Cows go.
  Cows go who?
  No, cows go moo!

Section 8 of 9:

Cow Crossing the Road Jokes

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Tell a cow joke that takes inspiration from the classic joke about chickens. You’ve probably heard the one about the chicken crossing the road. But you may not know about “cow crossing the road” jokes. Here are a few jokes that give chicken jokes a bovine spin:
- Why did the cow cross the road? To mooo-ve to the udder side.
- Why did the cow cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off.
- Why did the cow cross the road? To steak a claim.
- Why did the cow cross the road? She was following the chicken.
- Why didn’t the cow cross the road? He was chicken.
- How did the cow cross the road? It mooo-ved.
- How did the cow cross the road? With udder style and grace.
- Why did the (other) cow cross the road? She wanted to go to the moooo-vies.
- Why did the cow cross the road? She wanted to milk an old joke.
- What did the farmer say to the cow that crossed in front of his tractor? Mooo-ve over.

Section 9 of 9:

How to Tell a Cow Joke

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1
Choose the audience for your cow joke wisely. One of the best ways to be funny and get a big laugh is to match the right joke to your audience. That means reading the room to make sure the people around you are in the right mood to laugh. And if you’re at a very serious event, Muñoz recommends being very careful about using humor and pay close attention to your audience’s reactions to your jokes.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Patrick Muñoz
Public Speaking Coach

Expert Interview}
- For example, your cow joke might kill at a party, but drops like a lead balloon at work.
- Listen to the people around you and pay attention to whether they’re laughing and what they’re laughing at.
- Choose jokes that are appropriate and easy to understand if you’re in a group of adults and children.
2
Nail the timing of the setup and punchline. Anyone can tell a joke, but getting a laugh is a skill. One of the ways to make sure your cow jokes hit them right in the funny bone is to use a “pregnant pause” between the setup and punchline. A “pregnant pause” is when you wait a few extra seconds after the joke’s setup to build tension for the punchline.^{[7]
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- The idea is that you give people just enough time to come up with their first answer to the setup.
- For example, the great comedic actor Gene Wilder was a master of the pregnant pause. He could transform simple dialogue into a hilarious joke with the use of a pregnant pause.
- For example, in the 1974 Mel Brooks comedy Blazing Saddles, he has the lines. “My name is Jim, but most people call me…Jim.” It wouldn’t be as funny without the pause.
3
Stick to shorter jokes to keep their attention. A long joke can lose your audience’s attention. The good news is that you’ll get better at telling jokes the more you do it. Payne says you just have to be confident and believe in yourself when telling a joke.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Kendall Payne
Writer, Director, & Stand-up Comedian

Expert Interview} Practice your timing and cadence by telling short, snappy jokes. Then, move on to longer jokes that have small jokes peppered through them.^{[9]
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Research source}
- As you tell a longer joke, pay attention to the other person’s reactions. If they’re smiling and interested, keep going. If they seem bored, cut it short.
- Comedy relies on the element of surprise. That means a silly, lightning-quick joke can get a laugh before an extremely clever joke that takes longer to spool out.
- And don’t worry if people don’t laugh. Not getting laughs is just part of telling jokes, says Payne.^{[10]
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  Kendall Payne
  Writer, Director, & Stand-up Comedian
  
  Expert Interview}