100+ Bad Puns That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

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The best of the worst puns of all time

Co-authored by Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: November 24, 2025 Fact Checked

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Funny

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Cheesy

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Short

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Long

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Cultural Impact of Puns

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A pun is a joke that uses the sound or meaning of a word as the punchline, and the cringier the pun, the better! If you’re hooked on puns that are so bad, they're good, you’ve come to the right place. Keep reading for a comprehensive list of truly horrendous puns, from short tolong, sure to fill the pun-shaped hole in your heart!

Bad Puns: Overview

I lost my mood ring, and I don’t know how to feel about it!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
How did the baker win the contest? She was con-fondant.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

Section 1 of 5:

Bad Funny Puns

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Amuse your friends with these hilariously bad puns. Bad puns are like dad jokes— people just can’t get enough. Impress your friends and make them giggle by saying something different than what you mean, on purpose! If you want to be the life of every party, pick up a few puns along the way. The next time it’s your turn to tell a joke, feel free to hit them with any of the following:^{[1]
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- How can you spot a nosy pepper? It gets Jalapeño business!
- Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
- So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time.
- I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
- What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor’s hair? Caesars.
- My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
- I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
- Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos!
- It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
- Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
- Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
- I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
- A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
- I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
- There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though—he woke up!
- What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
- I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
- Never discuss infinity with a mathematician; they can go on about it forever.
- The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
- I lost my mood ring, and I don’t know how to feel about it!
- I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
- Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
- I knew a guy who collected candy canes; they were all in mint condition.
- My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now, his business is toast.
- Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
- The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.

Section 2 of 5:

Bad Cheesy Puns

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Make your loved ones cringe with these cheesy and silly puns. By “cheesy,” we mean the kind of puns that make you roll your eyes, followed by a big goofy grin. From seafood discos to confused baby ants, the person you share these puns with will definitely steal them to use them later. Here are some cheesy puns— some of which actually involve cheese:^{[2]
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- Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
- I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
- What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.
- What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick? Put it on my bill!
- My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
- My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me. I think she’s just being clothes-minded!
- Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
- What did the ranch say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
- Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
- A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
- I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
- Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
- How do you make a good egg roll? You push it down a hill!
- The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!
- Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing Windows!

Section 3 of 5:

Bad Short Puns

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Keep it short and punny by using the following bad puns. To quote The Office, "Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?" That’s the central question these puns are asking. Short and mostly sweet, these puns prove that quality trumps quantity. It makes sense, as puns are really the silent types of the comedy spectrum, only slightly above mimes. Here’s how short puns get it done:
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
- Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at!
- Can February March? No, but April May.
- Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
- Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.
- Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.
- Never trust an atom; they make up everything!
- Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
- I made a pun about the wind, but it blows.
- Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
- I bought a boat because it was for sail.
- German sausage jokes are just the wurst.
- How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.
- What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
- What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
- She had a photographic memory, but never developed it.
- How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee!
- Who is the penguin’s favorite Aunt? Aunt-Arctica!
- Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
- What’s America’s favorite soda? Mini soda.
- I’m no cheetah, you’re lion!
- What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
- What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty!
- One lung said to another, “we be-lung together!”
- Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- How did the baker win the contest? She was con-fondant.
- RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Section 4 of 5:

Bad Long Puns

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Use these puns as punchlines and wait for hilarity to ensue. There is an art to delivering a longer pun that deserves to be studied. The setup is very important, and the characters must be compelling, whether they be two chatty windmills or a vulture boarding a plane. It might take a minute to get to the punchline, but it should be worth it! Here are some longer puns for you to steal:^{[3]
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- Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
- Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
- A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, “It’s reindeer.”
- A proton approaches the ticket counter at the airport wearing only a backpack. The clerk says, “Do you need to check a bag?” And the proton replies, “No, thanks. I’m traveling light.”
- The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!
- What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
- I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
- My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer, please, and one for the road.”
- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
- Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
- I just bought a thesaurus from the bookstore, but when I got home, all the pages were blank. There are no words to describe how angry I am.
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
- Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords.
- Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend? They're both cauld ron.
- A bear walks into a bar. He says, “Let me have a gin… and tonic.” The bartender says, “What’s with the pause?” The bear lifts his arms and says, “Oh, these? I’ve had them since I was born.”
- A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He wrapped his cape around himself and began to count. "Uno… Dos…" and then POOF, he disappeared without a Tres.

Section 5 of 5:

The Cultural Impact of Puns & Wordplay

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Puns have been around for thousands of years. We modern humans aren’t the only ones who enjoy a good bad pun. Records show that similar wordplay dates as far back as Ancient Egypt and Ancient Greece, in various forms. For example, The Greek Anthology contains thousands of epigrams, many of which are riddles that use clever and punny wordplay. Shakespeare was also a famous pun-lover and claimed to use over 3000 puns in his plays.^{[4]
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- Hamlet is one of Shakespeare’s punniest leading men. One notable pun occurs right after Hamlet’s mother has married his uncle, whom he doesn’t like, making them doubly related: “A little more than kin, and less than kind.”^{[5]
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- Lewis Carroll was another bona fide punster. The following passage from Alice in Wonderland hinges on the double meaning of “tale” and “tail”:
  - “‘Mine is a long and a sad tale!’ said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing. ‘It is a long tail, certainly,’ said Alice, looking down with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; ‘but why do you call it sad?’”
- However, puns aren’t just found in literature. They have made their way into every aspect of pop culture, including film, TV, and music.^{[6]
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- In the animated sitcom Bob’s Burgers, the daily burger special always features a pun. Some memorable ones include the “Good Night and Good Leek Burger,” the “The Final Kraut Down Burger,” and the “Chile Relleno-You-Didn't Burger.”^{[7]
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