What Is TikTok's Care Bear Method?

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Plus expert-backed ways to get your crush’s attention

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Marcus Pruitt, BS

Last Updated: November 13, 2025 Fact Checked

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‘Care Bear Method’ Meaning

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Does it work?

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Is it manipulative?

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Better Ways to Get Your Crush’s Attention

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Spotting the Care Bear Method & Next Steps

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Other TikTok Dating Terms

There are plenty of dating tactics thanks to TikTok, like the Care Bear method. The Care Bear method is when you ghost someone online to get them to reach out to you. There’s also another type of Care Bear Method (which we dig into later). TikTokers have different opinions on this dating method, especially since it’s often considered toxic, and in this article, we’ll explore it all with the help of various relationship experts. Read on to learn about what the care bear method is, whether or not it’s effective, and more!

The Care Bear Method in Dating: Quick Definition

The Care Bear method is when you intentionally go ghost online to get someone’s attention and make them reach out in a caring way. When you go ghost, you completely cut off your online activity, including stories on social media and texting, to get the person you’re interested in to reach out and check in on you.

Section 1 of 6:

What is the Care Bear method?

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The Care Bear method is when you go ghost to get your crush to reach out. Basically, someone who’s using the “Care Bear method” will briefly disappear off of social media—Instagram, Snapchat, everything—to cause their crush, ex, or someone they’re interested in to worry about them and wonder if they’re okay. According to the method, the crush will reach out to the “disappeared” person like a Care Bear, checking in to see what’s going on and why they aren’t posting or responding.^{[1]
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- Some TikTokers swear by this method, with @selfgoddishome saying in a TikTok that it will help anyone come back into your life, from an ex to a crush.
- Other TikTokers know that it’s toxic, with @latoxicabyjacque referring to her audience as “toxicas” and telling them to “stay toxic” in a TikTok endorsing the Care Bear method.
- This dating method claims to show that the person you’re interested in cares about you, as they’re willing to reach out after noticing that you haven’t been very active online.
- With the Care Bear method, you’re basically resetting the communication style between you and the person you’re doing the method to.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, is a Relationship Coach who specializes in individual and couples therapy, focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, communication, and more.

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, is a Relationship Therapist who works with individuals, couples, families, business executives, and organizations.

John Keegan is a Dating Coach with over 15 years of experience helping people find love.
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Another “Care Bear method” involves responding to toxicity with kindness. With this definition, the Care Bear method really emphasizes emotional stability, as you’re refusing to get angry about ghosting or emotional games. Instead, you respond to these games with care, asking if your crush is okay and if there’s anything that you can do to help. You dig into the root causes of the issues, rather than playing into them.
- This Care Bear method isn’t manipulative. By shutting down the person trying to play the emotional games with genuine care and kindness, you’re circumventing their manipulative tactics.

Section 2 of 6:

Is the Care Bear method effective?

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The Care Bear method can be effective with ex-partners. When you go no contact with someone you previously talked to often, they may be curious about you and want to keep tabs on you. When they find that they’re unable to keep tabs because you aren’t active on social media, this may have the intended effect of getting them to reach out to you and show that they care.^{[2]
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- The Care Bear method doesn’t work all the time. It all depends on how close you were, how much they want to rekindle things, and how much they care to reach out.
While the Care Bear method may be effective with exes and people you have a history with, it isn’t necessarily the best way to get your crush’s attention. While they may be worried about why you aren’t on social media or responding to them, since you two don’t have a deep history, they may just take it as a sign that you aren’t compatible (or that you aren’t interested) and move on.

Section 3 of 6:

Is the Care Bear method manipulative?

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Yes, the Care Bear method is thought to be pretty manipulative. Even though you’re trying to get someone’s attention, you’re doing so by making it seem like something is wrong with you or them. Instead of being honest with them, you’re deliberately changing your communication methods and social media to make them think there’s something wrong. While this is a good way to get their attention, it’s manipulative.
- If you want to get someone’s attention without being manipulative or toxic, there are plenty of tactics you can try, like smiling at them, being yourself, and letting them know you’re interested.

Section 4 of 6:

How to Effectively Get Your Crush’s Attention

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According to relationship therapist Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, “[Smiling] has a powerful force of breaking the ice and making anyone comfortable. It’s a simple gesture that opens up channels of trust, friendliness, and comfort.”^{[3]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview} It’s a quick way to let another person know that you’re friendly and interested in them.
According to relationship coach Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, “People like you for who you are. I think it’s very rare for people to like somebody who’s not authentic and not real. So that old cliche of being yourself, it’s a cliche for a reason.”^{[4]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} Even if you feel like your crush wouldn’t like you for who you are, be yourself regardless. You’ll find the person for you.
Dating coach John Keegan suggests sending your crush an image or video that reminds you of them. “You don’t want to throw in like, I’m all in love with you– but something light and fun that kind of crosses the line between being friends and into lovers.”^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Even if it’s a meme or funny picture, sending a little flirty message to your crush can show that you’re romantically interested and help get their attention.
Miller also says that being direct is an effective way to start things off with your crush. Tell them that you’d love to get to know them and ask if they’d like to go out. Miller says that by being honest and open with the person you’re interested in, you can effectively start to get to know the person you’re interested in.^{[6]
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Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist

Expert Interview}

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How to Spot The Care Bear Method & What to Do

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This is the most obvious tell of the Care Bear method. If the person you suspect to be using the method is usually active on social media, check to see when the last time they posted or reposted was. If it doesn’t line up with their usual social media activity, you may be dealing with a Care Bear.
The person trying to get your attention may still be communicating with mutual friends, so reach out to them and say something like, “Hey, have you heard from so and so? I notice they haven’t been active online and just wanted to see if they were okay.” Since they’re mutual friends, they’re more likely to tell you the truth than the person you’re worried about’s friends.
While the Care Bear method has gotten your attention, just like the person wanted, it doesn’t feel good to be manipulated. So let the person performing the method know that you know what they’re doing and don’t take kindly to it. Say something like, “I appreciate that you’re trying to get my attention, but I’d prefer it if you just reached out to me instead of worrying me like that.”

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Other TikTok Dating Terms

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Situationship A “situationship” is a casual romantic relationship that lacks the commitment and expectations of a genuine relationship. It isn’t a label that’s given out willingly. Rather, it’s the label you put on something when it seems like a relationship, but one or both of you are one foot in, one foot out. There can still be boundaries, but they’re much more flexible than those of an actual relationship.
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Breadcrumbing “Breadcrumbing” is when you give someone you’re talking to just enough energy to keep them responding and get their hopes up, but not enough to actually build a relationship. You may text the other person occasionally, like their Instagram or TikTok posts, or hop on the phone with them now and then, but the relationship won’t progress.^{[7]
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Orbiting “Orbiting” is when you stay connected to someone you are or used to be romantically interested in without actually talking to them. This means following them on social media, regularly watching their stories, and even commenting on posts, without actually reaching out to them and having a conversation.^{[8]
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Shrekking According to content creator Tobi Nwodo, “shrekking” is when you date someone you think is less attractive than you in hopes of getting special treatment from them. People who shrek tend to expect that they’ll be treated better due to being more attractive, which is a toxic belief that’s rooted in superficial values.^{[9]
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Tobi Nwodo
Content Creator

Expert Interview}