What Kind of Insufferable Man Am I?
From performative males to looksmaxxers, there's a flavor of cringe-inducing man for everyone's taste. But which insufferable man archetype are you?
Just answer a few questions about your personality and habits, and we'll tell you which intolerable guy you really are inside.... Hit "Start Quiz" to begin!
(Note: Obviously, this quiz is all in good fun! Everyone, regardless of gender, is a little insufferable sometimes, so take your results with a grain of salt.)
Questions Overview
- Yes, but so what? Sue me!
- Yeah but what I have to say is reeeeeally important.
- Not really. I prefer to listen. 😌
- No, never.
- Yes! Let me tell you everything about it!
- Yeah, I know a thing or two.
- Nah, not an expert, just a fan.
- No. I know a little bit about a lot of things, but am not an expert in anything.
- Quiet.
- Not as smart as me.
- Empowered.
- One of many.
- Indie rock or shoegaze.
- Classical or jazz.
- Pop or country.
- I only listen to podcasts.
- I'd rather read a book.
- They're whatever.
- I'm a casual fan.
- THEY ARE MY LIFE.
- I never post, I just lurk.
- I post CONSTANTLY.
- I just use it to catch up with my friends.
- I don't have social media, or I use it very rarely.
- Being too nice
- Not caring enough
- Handling rejection poorly
- Being delulu
- 0
- 1-4
- 5-8
- 8+
- "Work hard, have fun, and make history." -Jeff Bezos
- "Good artists borrow. Great artists steal." -Pablo Picasso
- "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." -attributed to Marilyn Monroe
- "Find what you love and let it kill you." -Charles Bukowski
- Tipping culture.
- How every movie now is a reboot or a sequel.
- Phonies.
- Women who only date men over 6 feet.
More Quizzes
What do my results say about me?
There are many, many wonderful men out there...and then there are the truly insufferable ones who go around ruining it for the rest of them. This quiz will tell you which insufferable male archetype you really are (regardless of your gender), plus what your results might say about you! But, real talk, this quiz is all in good fun. We're all insufferable now and then, regardless of gender, so don't take your result too seriously!
The Performative Male: It's possible your matcha latte, collection of tote bags, and trendy literary fiction novel are the real deal...but we kinda doubt it. You just have your finger on the pulse of what the girlies want: a sensitive, authentic guy, even if he's, well, not actually so authentic! Seriously, though, we kid: it's cool to like Lana Del Rey, and we salute any man's decision to carry a tote. You can meet us at the library any day!
The Male Manipulator: You've got that tousled, bleary-eyed, just-rolled-out-of-bed look, and it only took you 2 hours to achieve. Your Tinder bio says, "If a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die," and it works about half of the time. The Smiths just get you, you tell your dates. Or maybe it's the National, or Radiohead, or Alex G, or some other soulful and sensitive band that makes you seem soulful and sensitive by association. But who knows, maybe you actually are! (After all, this quiz is 100% a joke. And who doesn't like the Smiths?)
The Virtue Signaler: Let's clarify something: protesting for something you believe in? That's good. Standing up for people with less power than you? That's also good. There are lots of people who do these very, very good things. And then there are the virtue signalers, the people who just really like the activist ~*aesthetic*~ but don't actually live it out in real life. OK, we're kidding around here! Nobody's a perfect activist 100% of the time, and we bet you really do feel strongly about the things you fight for. It's just that you might also really like carrying a megaphone and taking photos of yourself at marches for the 'gram. Which, like, we can't really blame you for.
The Alpha Male: You're a growth-maxing, protein shake-swilling, AXE-wearing high-value male. You're dedicated to self-improvement and spend a lot of time listening to podcasts. You lift like your life depends on it, and you talk about lifting like your life depends on it, too. Your arms get tired from carrying your arms around all day. You're the top dawg, brah! You've got your tickets to the gun show! 💪 All jokes aside, the thing is, being an alpha male is like being in Fight Club: real alphas don't have to talk about it. So let's move on.
The Looksmaxxer: Well, helloooo Handsome Squidward! OK, maybe you aren't hitting yourself in the face with a hammer (please, for the love of all that is holy, don't do this), but we'd bet you're a religious mewer. You heard the myth of Narcissus and thought, Sounds like a cool guy, bet we'd be friends. You put a lot of stock in physical appearance, but as far as you're concerned, the hottest person in the world lives behind the mirror. And, honestly, we should all strive to be this confident (within reason!).
The Film Bro: Y'know the Martin Scorsese Cinema! meme? That's you. You've not only seen The Godfather trilogy 6+ times, but you also own a copy of Mario Puzo's novel (whether you've read it or not...is another story). Maybe you're thinking, "I don't care about Scorsese or The Godfather," but that hardly matters: whatever movies you love, they're the best movies of all time. And you WILL tell everyone you meet about them. And honestly? We support this. Hit us up on Letterboxd.
The Delusional Sports Fan: Whether your game is hockey, football, frisbee golf, Quidditch, or what have you, you're into it. You're so into it, you think pro sports fans are national heroes. You're so into it, you wear a jersey to weddings and funerals like it's a suit. Basically, you're reeeeeeally passionate about the sport you love. It's basically your whole life, and you will tell everyone you meet about it! (Real talk, though, this quiz is all in good fun. For all we know, you don't even like sports!)
The Podcaster: Just you and your boys from college, sittin' in a dank basement, talkin' about...y'know, just everyday life. It's no Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!, but that's the point, right? To do something different? To break the mold? To have fun? You just know you've got something to say. Your inside jokes with your bros could become the whole country's inside jokes. You could heal the nation. Look, we're clearly kidding, and who are we to say your next creative venture won't change the world? Give us a shoutout in your next episode.
The White Knight: Chivalry is alive and well, thanks to you. *Tips fedora* OK, maybe you don't literally wear a fedora, but you've got a fedora-shaped soul. We can tell. The thing about the White Knight is, he cares a lot about other people...and he also cares a lot about being perceived as someone who cares a lot about other people. Which, honestly, we can't totally blame you for: you're a nice fella, and you want credit for it! Is that so much to ask?
Keep in mind this quiz is 100% satire. Don't take your results too seriously, here. And if you do find yourself identifying with any of these results, remember they're all meant in good fun!
Want to learn more?
Can't get enough of insufferable men? Check out these articles on alpha males, looksmaxxers, and more:
