What Does Shrekking Mean? Why People Use This Toxic Dating Method

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Content creator Tobi Nwodo explains this TikTok slang and why shrekking is toxic

Co-authored by Lia Huynh, LMFT and Marcus Pruitt, BS

Last Updated: October 23, 2025 Fact Checked

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Shrekking Meaning

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Get Shrekked Meaning

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Why Shrekking is Toxic

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Why People Shrek Others

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What to Do When You Get Shrekked

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Other Dating Terms

There are so many dating terms nowadays that it can be hard to keep track. Luckily, some are just rebrands of dating behaviors that have been around for ages, like “shrekking.” Shrekking is when you date someone you’re not attracted to in hopes that they shower you with love. In this article, we spoke with a content creator, marriage and family therapist, and dating coach to explain what it means, why it’s so toxic, and what to do if you get shrekked. Read on to learn all about this problematic dating trend.

What does “shrekking” mean in dating?

Content creator Tobi Nwodo says shrekking is when you date someone you think is less attractive with the expectation that they’ll treat you better. It’s rooted in the belief that if you’re out of your partner’s league, they have no choice but to shower you with love. It’s a toxic belief rooted in superficial values.

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What is shrekking?

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Shrekking is dating someone you’re not attracted to so they’ll treat you well. “Shrekking is a Gen Z term for dating someone you find unattractive,” explains Nwodo. He says the general idea is that the person will treat you better because you supposedly lowered your standards for them. This then sets an expectation that they'll value you more and won't be a bad partner. However, Nwodo clarifies that this belief is toxic.^{[1]
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Tobi Nwodo
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- While this behavior has been common in the dating scene for decades, the term is new.
- Nwodo explains that shrekking “follows the societal idea that 'ugly' people have fewer options and value anyone who shows them romantic attention significantly more.”^{[2]
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- Nwodo says the term is based off of the character Shrek from the movie Shrek.^{[3]
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  Expert Interview} The romance between Princess Fiona and Shrek inspired this term, as the ogre is seen as ugly while Fiona is regarded as beautiful.
- Shrekking is also known as “dating down,” which is when you pick a partner who you think is less conventionally attractive in hopes of building a more authentic connection.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Tobi Nwodo is a content creator with over 9 years of experience. He breaks down memes and slang to his over 600k followers across YouTube and TikTok.

Lia Huynh, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 20 years of experience.

Kimberly Hill is a certified dating and relationship coach. She specializes in helping men elevate their dating experiences and build meaningful connections.

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What does it mean to get shrekked?

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This pain can be the result of them breaking up with you, lying to you, or cheating on you. According to some, getting shrekked can be more frustrating than a standard breakup because you lowered your standards for someone, only to end up hurt. In reality, it’s a sign to date people based on their character and your compatibility, rather than just their level of attractiveness.^{[4]
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Why Shrekking is Toxic

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Shrekking is toxic because it assigns superficial value to partners. The act of shrekking inherently relies on the belief that everyone has value tied to their looks (or money, job, social status, etc.). While looks do matter, relying on them as a determining factor for your relationship is toxic, even when you’re looking for someone you perceive as less attractive than you. In doing this, you’re valuing a person’s appearance over their character or your compatibility, which isn’t good.^{[5]
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- Shrekking also implies that you’re above your partner in the dating hierarchy, which is super hurtful. If they ever find out that you felt this way about them, it can make them feel like they’re not loved or valued by you.
- Nwodo adds that shrekking is toxic because it “creates the false expectation that if you date someone unattractive, they'll treat you well.” In reality, he says, “anyone has the capacity to hurt, gaslight, and manipulate you.”^{[6]
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- Plus, Nwodo says shrekking can make a person feel bitter when their plan backfires and they get hurt by the person they “shrekked.”^{[7]
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- TikToker @notloq expressed how toxic shrekking is in a video posted on August 30, 2025. He said, “Imagine hearing your girlfriend being like ‘I was shrekking for a few months and that’s how I met you, the love of my life’...You just called me ugly!”

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Why People Shrek Others

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Although the act itself is toxic, the motivation stems from a desire to be treated well by one's partner. Depending on the person, being treated well may look different. Some may love shopping with their partner and going on vacations, while others just want love and company.^{[8]
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When dating, it’s easy to get wrapped up in a person’s perceived “value,” like how much money they have, what they do for a living, and their social status. While these things may be important factors in relationships, they don’t help with determining compatibility. Rather than focusing on that compatibility, people who shrek focus on value and status, putting their partner lower than themselves in that regard.^{[9]
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What to Do When You Get Shrekked

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Give yourself time to process the grief of the breakup. Licensed marriage & family therapist Lia Huynh, LMFT, says that after a breakup, “You need time to process the grief, to miss your ex, to hate your ex, to regret, etc.”^{[10]
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Lia Huynh, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview} Give yourself time to process the emotions, because even if you were “dating down,” a breakup is still a breakup, and you need some time to heal.
- Nwodo agrees that it’s best to end the relationship if you find out you’re being shrekked. He says you shouldn’t stay with someone who uses you for your attention and resources, all while viewing you as “less than.”^{[11]
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Reconsider what you value in a relationship. Getting shrekked is a huge wakeup call. It lets you know that no matter a person’s perceived value or physical attractiveness (or lack thereof), they may end up hurting you, and that’s a lot more likely if you aren’t a match. Instead of continuing to look at a person’s appearance, consider your wants and needs in a relationship, and use those to determine what you’re looking for in a partner.
- According to certified dating and relationship coach Kimberly Hill, dating is about “really spending time with someone to assess whether or not there’s long-term compatibility.”^{[12]
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- In the future, Nwodo adds that it’s a good idea to date someone who does find you attractive.^{[13]
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If you’ve been searching for partners based on their looks and status rather than searching for someone you’re compatible with, that may be a sign that you need to reassess what you value in a relationship, and you can’t do that while actively dating (at least easily). Consider taking a break from dating, so you have time to figure out what it is you really want from a relationship.

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Other Dating Terms

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Sharking Sharking is when you intentionally hunt for a partner to hook up with, similar to how a shark hunts for prey (except you’re hunting for play). The term is typically used by men to refer to their search for hookups with women.
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Catfishing Catfishing is when someone online uses photos or videos of another person to make them seem more attractive and desirable. It’s done to lure people in and attract others for various reasons, from a desire for connection to a desire to drain your bank account.
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Reverse Catfishing Reverse catfishing is a trend on dating apps where you present yourself as less attractive and desirable than you actually are to find someone who’s genuine and likes you for who you are, not what you look like. It’s similar to shrekking in the sense that you’re keeping your true intentions from the people you’re dating, but the goals are pretty different.^{[14]
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Punching In dating, punching is when you date someone who’s more attractive than you. It’s like the opposite of shrekking; you’re punching up above your weight class, rather than punching down. This slang term is the most common in the United Kingdom.^{[15]
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