16 Clear Signs It’s Time to Break Up (And What to Do Next)

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Psychotherapist and relationship coach Marlena Tillhon helps us know when to end things
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Relationships are rarely simple, and that’s especially true when it’s time to end them. But how do you know it’s the right time? How do you avoid making a mistake you’ll regret? We partnered with relationship experts, counselors, and psychologists to show you the top signs it’s time to break up and how to call it off. We’ll also show you the signs that there’s still life in a relationship, and how to improve it.

Signs the Relationship is Over

Psychotherapist and relationship coach Marlena Tillhon says to ask yourself if you still feel good, in general, about yourself or the relationship, or if it causes more hurt than help. Other signs it’s time to end things include:

  • A lack of effort or communication from your partner, which tells you that they’ve “checked out” and aren’t willing to repair things.
  • Different long-term goals or foundational values between you and your partner, like conflicting religions, or expectations about having kids.
  • A lack of safety or respect. You should never stay in a relationship that is emotionally or physically abusive.
Section 1 of 4:

Signs It’s Time to Break Up

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  1. Step 1 Your partner isn’t meeting your needs.
    Relationship counselor Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, says to ask one simple question: Are my needs being met?[1] In a healthy relationship, you and your partner are able to meet each other’s needs by communicating your feelings, establishing healthy boundaries, and having a firm foundation of trust between the two of you.[2] If you feel like your partner consistently refuses to communicate and understand your needs and desires, it might be time to end things.
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You really enjoy physical affection and express this to your partner. They make intentional efforts to be a little more physical with you, like cuddling in bed and giving you a back rub after a long day.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You tell your partner that you enjoy physical affection, but they never make an effort to be more touchy-feely with you, even when you share these needs multiple times.

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Marlena Tillhon is a psychotherapist and relationship coach based in the UK. With over 12 years of experience, Marlena specializes in relationships, trauma, and anxiety.

    Chloe Carmichael, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 12 years of psychological consulting experience who specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching.

    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, is a Psychotherapist who specializes in individual and couples therapy, focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more.

    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 15 years of experience.

  2. Step 2 You try to “escape” by hanging out with other people.
    While it’s totally normal (and great) for partners to get some time to themselves, it’s important to feel emotionally and physically fulfilled by your partner when you’re in a monogamous relationship.[3] If you feel tempted to find physical and/or emotional intimacy from other people, or tend to duck out to avoid your partner, you may need to reevaluate your relationship.
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You feel close to your partner and comfortable getting intimate with them.[4] You rarely feel any temptation to have an emotional or physical connection with someone else.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You feel like your partner isn’t satisfying your desires when it comes to emotional and physical intimacy, and you think about stepping out of the relationship to have these desires fulfilled.
    • Important note: Being intimate with other people is fine if you and your partner have discussed and committed to an ethically non-monogamous relationship (e.g., polyamory).
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  3. Step 3 You feel uncomfortable communicating.
    Communication is an essential ingredient of any healthy relationship. Talking things out—both the good and the bad—is critical to the health of your partnership. Regular communication allows both you and your partner to feel heard and gives you a chance to express your needs, desires, goals, and dreams.[5] Licensed mental health counselor Laura Richer tells us that if you feel like you’re not being heard or that you don’t feel comfortable having any lines of communication open with your partner, you may need to think if this relationship is good for you in the long-term.[6]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You and your partner set aside time daily to talk about each others’ days and discuss anything that’s on your minds.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: It often feels like you and your partner are passing each other like ships in the night—you hardly ever speak or have meaningful conversations.
  4. Step 4 You don’t feel like you can trust your partner.
    Relationship coach Cher Gopman tells us that any relationship should be “based on honesty and trust.”[7] Trust is the bedrock of any successful relationship. Without it, you’re constantly second-guessing what your partner says and does, and you’re unable to develop a meaningful connection with them. Trust doesn’t vanish overnight, though—it’s often a long-term experience that develops from doubt, suspicion, anxiety, and fear.[8]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: Your partner is upfront about what they’re doing and where they’ll be, and you trust that they’re being open and honest whenever they communicate with you.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: Your partner says they’re working overtime one night, but you discover that they left at their usual time. This may lead you to doubt your partner in the future, which can transform into suspicion, anxiety, and a need to withdraw.
  5. Step 5 Your partner causes strain with your other loved ones.
    Dating coach Imad Jbara reminds us that not everyone has to (or will) like your partner.[9] That said, if your partner is causing major strain on those other relationships, something might be amiss. Maybe your friends always keep your partner at arm’s length, or your parents never have anything positive to say about them. While their opinions and judgment aren’t absolute, they could be a sign that your partner isn’t the best possible match for you.
    • Example of a healthy relationship: Your friends and loved ones talk about how kind and respectful your partner is, and how they love spending time with them.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: Your friends and loved ones mention how they have a “bad feeling” about your partner and have never felt like they’re a good fit for you.
  6. Step 6 You don’t enjoy spending time with your partner.
    Tillhon warns about the point in a relationship where you stop and think, “I don’t even feel good anymore.”[10] Maybe it starts with short-term plans, like a day trip to the park or a weekend trip to the shore, only to spread to your long-term plans, like a week-long vacation. Whatever the case, it’s not a good sign if you’re unable to enjoy any quality time with your partner—in fact, it might be a sign that it’s time to end things.[11]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You make an effort to spend regular quality time with your partner, like having a weekly date night.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: Setting aside time for your partner feels like a chore—spending intentional time with them is about as fun as pulling teeth.
  7. Step 7 You fantasize about being with someone else.
    Most people have brief moments where they dream about being with another person, like a celebrity crush. However, these fantasies are brief and fleeting; more importantly, they don’t interfere with your feelings and perceptions of your current relationship. If you’re constantly thinking about dating someone else, it might be time for a break.[12]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You spend a few moments thinking about that dreamy individual, but you can easily push the thoughts out of your mind.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You’re frequently thinking about that special someone, even while you’re spending time with your current partner.
  8. Step 8 Your relationship feels rooted in obligation.
    Tillhon adds that many relationships start to feel like pure sacrifice.[13] You keep finding reasons to stay in the relationship, even when it’s not giving back. Maybe you share a child with your partner, or you’re absolutely terrified by the idea of being single again. These factors might make you feel obligated to stay in your current relationship, even if it isn’t particularly healthy or fulfilling.[14]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You genuinely enjoy spending time with your partner—loving them is the only reason you have or need to be in your relationship.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You feel obligated to stay with a partner because you both live together or because you both belong to the same friend group or spiritual community.
  9. Step 9 You don’t really care about the relationship.
    Tillhon also says that sometimes, frustration and disappointment can lead to detachment.[15] It’s hard for you to put in any effort to make the relationship work. One-sided relationships are often characterized by a partner who refuses to apologize or make any significant sacrifices in the partnership.[16] It’s valid and understandable if you aren’t feeling the love anymore—but it’s not fair to keep the relationship going if that’s the case.
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You and your partner regularly put in the effort to keep your relationship thriving—you have deep conversations, you compromise regularly, and you both own up to your mistakes when you make them.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You don’t feel like the relationship is a major priority to you anymore, and you rarely take time to talk and check in with your partner.
  10. Step 10 Your partner isn’t putting in effort.
    Relationship expert Chloe Carmichael, PhD, warns us about uneven reciprocity, where you consistently put in more effort than your partner.[17] Both partners need to give and take equally within a relationship. Healthy relationships require a bit of sacrifice, compromise, and effort from both parties—it can’t be just one person who’s pulling all the weight.[18]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You feel like you and your partner work to have a fulfilling relationship. When difficulties arise, you’re both able to compromise and reach a solution that you’re both happy with.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You’re always canceling plans and rearranging your life to work around your partner’s schedule, but they never give you the same courtesy.
  11. Step 11 Your relationship feels very hot and cold.
    Licensed marriage and family therapist Zamira Pla says to watch out for “short fuses” in a relationship.[19] Every relationship has its ups and downs, but it’s not meant to be an emotional rollercoaster. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who consistently treats you with warmth, kindness, and respect—not someone who’s nice to you one day and stand-offish the next.[20]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You and your partner occasionally have bad days, but they don’t get in the way of your core feelings for each other.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You aren’t totally sure which version of your partner you’ll see—one day, they might be kind and supportive; the next, they might be cold and snippy.
  12. Step 12 Your relationship is filled with conflict.
    Relationship counselor Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC, says to ask yourself: “How do you fight? Are you verbally abusive to each other? And if so, then how often? And for how long?”[21] Communication is one of the most important elements of any relationship, but it needs to be open, honest, and respectful. If your partnership is full of bickering matches, turbulent conversations, and full-on arguments, it could be time to break things off.[22]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: Your relationship has the occasional spat, but you’re able to work things out using active listening skills and by speaking with “I” language.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You and your partner frequently engage in angry, toxic fights that don’t yield any productive results.
    • Ultimately, it’s okay if your relationship isn’t perfect or if you’ve had a few conflicts—that’s normal, and even a good thing, as long as your arguments are handled in a healthy and communicative way.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 181 wikiHow readers if they think that fighting in the early stages of a relationship is a red flag, and 57% of them said that it’s not a red flag. [Take Poll]
  13. Step 13 You don’t share the same fundamental values.
    Polk says to talk about baseline values and dealbreakers, like, do you want kids and your partner doesn’t? Are there future plans you don’t share, but which you won’t compromise on?[23] Yes, there’s a chance that you and your partner have differing opinions, but your core beliefs and viewpoints need to ultimately overlap. If you feel like you and your partner have seriously conflicting worldviews, it might be time to rethink the relationship overall.[24]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You and your partner have the same core priorities and spiritual beliefs. Even if you disagree on some issues, you both know that you’re on the same page when it comes to important matters.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You and your partner might have beliefs that are on the opposite side of the political spectrum, or you both may subscribe to seriously different religious beliefs (like atheism vs. Christianity/Judaism/Islam).
  14. Step 14 Your partner doesn’t accept who you are.
    Relationships coach John Keegan asks what the point of a relationship even is if you’re not being seen and understood for who you are.[25] Healthy relationships are all about loving and appreciating other people on a fundamental level and not expecting them to change or be different for you. If you feel like you have to apologize to your partner for living your truth, they might not be the right person for you.[26]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: Your partner loves you for you and never pressures you to do or try anything that makes you uncomfortable.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: Your partner forces you to do things that are out of your comfort zone, or expects you to act in a way that isn’t true to your character.[27]
  15. Step 15 Your relationship never seems to improve.
    Communication expert Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS, says that a major warning sign is when "The relationship has become stagnant and there are virtually no signs of life."[28] Despite popular belief, all relationships demand hard work, effort, and dedication to be successful—being incredibly “in love” doesn’t exempt anyone from this. However, putting consistent work into improve your relationship isn’t meant to feel like a never-ending chore, either. If you’ve spent over a year trying to improve things without much success, it might be time to break things off.
    • Example of a healthy relationship: After a rough patch, you and your partner both worked on a few difficulties in your relationship. In a matter of weeks, your partnership started to improve.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: You and your partner discussed some points of contention in your relationship, but nothing seems to be improving (even after months and months of work).
  16. Step 16 Your partner is abusive.
    Richer reminds us that "any type of abuse, physical, mental, or emotional abuse should never be tolerated. It's always time to end the relationship if any abuse is present."[29] Abuse is never okay in a relationship and is a clear sign that it’s time to break up. Abuse can come in different forms, like physical, emotional, and sexual. If you are in an abusive relationship, you’re not alone—there are plenty of resources available to help you leave your abusive partner. Remember: your safety and well-being always come first![30]
    • Example of a healthy relationship: You feel physically and emotionally secure in your relationship, and don’t ever fear your partner hurting you in any way.
    • Example of an unhealthy relationship: Your partner gets physical with you sometimes, verbally berates you frequently, or pressures you to have sex when you aren’t comfortable.[31]
    • Check out resources like The Hotline, NCADV, Love Is Respect, and HelpGuide for valuable insights about leaving an abusive relationship.
    • Always call emergency services if your personal safety is being threatened by your partner.
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Section 2 of 4:

Signs to Give Your Relationship Another Try

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  1. 1
    You notice improvement when you voice your wants and needs. Relationship therapist Allen Wagner, MFT, MA, says that if you voice your concerns, and then “you notice that the core issue has been addressed, and that person has grown or realized they had to step up in some way, there can be some optimism."[32] It shows that your partner takes the relationship seriously and wants to improve things, which is the biggest requirement for saving a relationship.
    • Give it a little time, but don’t wear your patience thin. Things might not be perfect right away, but you should notice a shift.
  2. 2
    The relationship is a net positive in your life, not a net negative. Gopman says to consider whether or not your partner makes you a better person.[33] Despite your issues, does your partner challenge you to be better? Do they improve your life? Are you more often happy than unhappy? No relationship is 100% smooth sailing, and sometimes, zooming out can help you get a feel for whether or not the relationship is healthy for you, overall.
    • Think about the here and now, not the distant past. Are there things about the relationship that make you feel good about it now?
  3. 3
    You feel trust and connection, despite the problems. Dr. Carmichael says that a track record is worth a lot and that an existing, strong connection can go a long way.[34] If, despite your problems, you still feel like you can talk to your partner openly and honestly, without it devolving or shutting down, then it could be worth trying again. It shows that, despite your differences, you still care about each other and want the best for each other.
    • There’s a chance this is simply a rough patch and that, with some collaboration, the relationship can make it through, and be stronger in the future.
  4. 4
    There are still more remedies to try. Licensed couples psychologist Sarah Schewitz, PsyD, warns against taking drastic action, and instead encourages us to do our “due diligence.”[35] For example, it might be worth seeing a couple’s counselor if you haven’t already. Or, you might try to take a break and see what happens before calling it off completely. If there’s something you haven’t tried, and you want the relationship to continue, go ahead and talk to your partner about trying it.
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Section 3 of 4:

Improving Your Relationship

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  1. 1
    Make your wants and needs clear. Marriage and family Therapist Elvina Lui, MFT, says that "Identifying your needs and how they have not been met is the first step to fixing or ending the relationship."[36] Think about what you need from the relationship, then calmly and gently explain that to your partner. If your partner sees potential in the relationship, they’ll do their best to follow through.
    • For example, if you want more transparent communication, say, “I want us to talk to each other about anything, big or small, and not dance around the subject. I promise to be patient and open-minded if you’ll do the same.”
  2. 2
    Keep an open mind and do your part. Licensed therapist Jessica Swenson reminds us that a relationship is collaborative, and that you need to ask yourself, “What can I do to improve the quality of the relationship?”[37] Maybe that means stepping up in ways you didn’t before, or shifting your own expectations. Whatever the case, this is a group project, not a solo assignment, so put in the work!
    • That said, don’t feel pressured to compromise your own standards for the relationship. Compromise is important, but it should always be productive, not destructive.
  3. 3
    Reintroduce yourselves to build a solid foundation. Dr. Schewitz tells us that a solid friendship is a great foundation for a relationship.[38] After a rough patch, though, it can be hard to find that friendship. Reboot it by hanging out in a low-pressure setting. Ask your partner questions, as though you were just meeting them again, to relearn who they are and who they’ve become.
    • Ask them about their priorities, what they do for fun, and who they want to be 5 years down the line. Focus on encountering them as an individual, not just as a part of your existing relationship.
  4. 4
    See a relationship counselor together. Dr. Schewitz recommends couples therapy for any couple looking to navigate a rough patch.[39] Seeing a couple’s therapist can offer you both space and time to speak in a moderated, healthy, productive environment that focuses on communication and progress. It’s a great place to start!
    • Look for a couple’s therapist who appeals to both of you. You should both feel safe and secure talking to this person.
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Section 4 of 4:

Ending Your Relationship

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  1. 1
    Find a support system to help you. Love coach Kate Dreyfuss tells us, “It is vital to your healing process and finding closure to put in place a support system.”[40] Family, friends—anyone who you can trust to be at your side in a hard time. Explain to a trusted friend how you’re feeling and what you intend to do, and ask them to be somewhere close by for support. Surround yourself with people who love you, who you can fall back on when the relationship is over.
    • For example, you might ask them to wait in a car outside when you break up, so that you can leave quickly, if needed.
  2. 2
    Explain your reasoning to your partner gently. Lui says to “list out the things you want and even demand from your relationship.”[41] Explain to your partner what you need, what you’ve done to try and get it, and that you’re still not getting it. That way, it makes the reasons for the breakup obvious and clear, so that there’s no confusion.
    • For example, you might say, “I’ve tried asking for help around the house, but I never get it. I need equal effort in a relationship, and I’m not seeing it. I think it’s time to part ways.”
  3. 3
    Be firm and hold your ground, but also understanding and kind. Matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders says to “Explain that there is somebody out there for everybody; however, the two of you are not meant for each other.”[42] It’s okay to have a discussion, but if you’ve resolved to break up, don’t open the floor to negotiation. Make it clear that things are over.
  4. 4
    Focus on yourself until you’re ready to date again. Tillhon says, “I would really strongly recommend holding off from dating until you've done some more self-reflection, some more inner work.”[43] The post-breakup period is a time for you to rediscover yourself, so that you know who you are and what you value before you jump back in. Take some time to enjoy yourself and nurture yourself after the breakup.
    • For example, you might focus on your friendships or family. Or, you might dive into hobbies or personal goals to round out your personal interests.
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End an Engagement Smoothly with this Expert Series

Ending any relationship can be daunting, but it doesn't have to be. Read these expert articles for advice on how to break off an engagement gracefully and peacefully.
1 - Break off an Engagement
1
Break off an Engagement
 2 - Get Over a Broken Engagement
2
Get Over a Broken Engagement
 3 - Decide If You Should Get Married
3
Decide If You Should Get Married
 4 - End a Long Term Relationship
4
End a Long Term Relationship
 5 - Walk Away from Love
5
Walk Away from Love
 6 - Amicably End a Relationship
6
Amicably End a Relationship

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Do I need to break up with my significant other in person?
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Couples Psychologist
    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Couples Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    It depends on how long you’ve been together. If you’ve only been dating for a month and it's not that serious, you technically don't need to do it in person, although doing it in person would be nicer and more respectful. But if you're in a serious relationship where you've been spending a lot of time together, you definitely should be mature and do it in person. Give them a chance to ask questions, process what's happening, and understand why.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 8
  • Question
    How do you tell if someone is right for you?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Well for starters, you should be happy much of the time. If there are very frequent arguments and disappointments, that may be a warning sign. A relationship should enhance your life, not take away from it.
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    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 19
  • Question
    How do you break up with your boyfriend?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Hopefully in person, unless there is physical or emotional abuse involved. Let him know that you are not happy. Be kind, but clear and direct.
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References

  1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
  3. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
  4. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship
  5. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
  6. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview
  7. ↑ Cher Gopman. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
  9. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  1. ↑ Marlena Tillhon. Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/202012/20-signs-that-a-relationship-is-over
  3. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
  4. ↑ Marlena Tillhon. Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/202012/20-signs-that-a-relationship-is-over
  6. ↑ Marlena Tillhon. Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  7. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/one-sided-relationships/
  8. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview
  9. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/one-sided-relationships/
  10. ↑ Zamira Pla. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Expert Interview
  11. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-know-when-its-time-to-break-up/
  12. ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview
  13. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
  14. ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview
  15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/202012/20-signs-that-a-relationship-is-over
  16. ↑ John Keegan. Relationships Coach. Expert Interview
  17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/202012/20-signs-that-a-relationship-is-over
  18. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-know-when-its-time-to-break-up/
  19. ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Communication Expert. Expert Interview
  20. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview
  21. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship
  22. ↑ https://www.mass.gov/info-details/what-does-an-unhealthy-relationship-look-like
  23. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview
  24. ↑ Cher Gopman. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  25. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview
  26. ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Couples Psychologist. Expert Interview
  27. ↑ Elvina Lui, MFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview
  28. ↑ Jessica Swenson. Licensed Therapist. Expert Interview
  29. ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Couples Psychologist. Expert Interview
  30. ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Couples Psychologist. Expert Interview
  31. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Love Coach. Expert Interview
  32. ↑ Elvina Lui, MFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview
  33. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  34. ↑ Marlena Tillhon. Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview

About This Article

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Couples Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. This article has been viewed 1,976,164 times.
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Co-authors: 51
Updated: April 1, 2026
Views: 1,976,164
Categories: Breaking Up
Article SummaryX

To know when to break up, ask yourself if there are things about your partner that you don’t like or want to change, and if this is a deal breaker or if you’re willing to stay with them. If your partner is constantly putting you down, pressuring you to do things you’re not comfortable with, or is physically abusing you, you’ll need to seriously consider if this is someone you want to build a relationship with. Also ask yourself if you want to break up because you don’t want to face some of your own issues, like a fear of abandonment or a desire to not be alone. If you're feeling confused about which direction you should take your relationship, try talking to a trusted friend or family member, who may be able to offer you a fresh perspective. To learn how to recognize the signs of a controlling relationship, keep reading!

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