Zamira Pla Website

Zamira Pla

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Embodiment Coach

Zamira Pla is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Embodiment Coach based in Los Angeles, CA. With over 10 years of experience, Zamira is a lifelong learner who is passionate about helping others heal and connect with their true selves through creative and holistic therapy. Zamira started her private practice in 2022, offering individual, couples, and spiritual coaching. She creates workshops and retreats about spirituality, working with your shadow, expressive arts, and accessing our creativity. She also received a 2-year professional degree in Expressive Arts Therapy in 2013, became a certified Sex Therapy Informed Professional in 2023, and is certified in human design and enneagram. Zamira received her master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Florida International University.

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Forum Comments (6)

How do you deal with insecurities in a relationship?
Dealing with relationship insecurities is probably one of the most talked about things in couple’s therapy. We talk about the insecurity partners have about themselves, or about what the other partner is doing, who they're talking to, and what's going on. That kind of insecurity is a mirror, and I usually tell clients to turn around, because this is not about your partner, it's about your own life and your own insecurity and what you think about yourself.

So, most of the time, insecurities are very self-directed, even though we project them out onto our partners a lot of the time. And it's beautiful, because in relationships, our partners act as mirrors to ourselves.

In terms of addressing insecurities, the first step is awareness. A lot of the time, people are not aware that they're insecure or that they have insecurities. Most of the time, they're projecting out and saying, "You're doing this wrong.” But be open to saying, “I feel insecurity about this. I feel self-doubt," or "I feel something is going on or something is amiss.” That's the first step, because otherwise, if I tell my partner, “You're insecure about this,” and my partner is not self-aware, he’s going to be like, “What? No, I’m not. No, it's you who's doing something wrong, right?”

We’re only responsible for our own self-awareness. You can force it all you want, but until they're ready and the light bulb goes off, there’s not much you can do. Don’t pick up the baggage. It's their journey and their insecurity. You can support, but you can't take it as your own to fix.
How can you build trust sexually with your partner?
To build trust sexually, all you need is one word: communication. Communication and transparency about where you are, at every moment, if possible, so that you feel safe and that your partner feels safe as well.

If there is trauma in your past—whether it's sexual, emotional, mental, or physical—and it has impacted your sex life, communicate that to your partner so that they can understand certain things that are happening. If it doesn't feel safe to communicate, then that person's probably not the right person for you.

And also, I would say besides communication, having the openness and the willingness and the flexibility to try new things, if possible, and respecting the preferences of your partner as well, can go a long way to building sexual trust.
How do I deal with toxic parents, what do I do?
If you ever feel able to have a conversation with one of your parents, make sure you feel safe and are in a good headspace. If you do, ask them, "hey, do you have some time to talk?" when you're in private.

Next, tell them, "Hey, I've noticed this ___." This way, you haven't blamed anything. What you're saying is that you've noticed something, or you can say I've had an experience. That will help them listen instead of getting defensive.

Tell them what you see from your perspective, with examples. Clarity and awareness are the first step.
Fighting with a friend
We all have those friends and we're probably being those friends to other people too, right?

If you have a friend that's overly critical, set respectful boundaries. You don't have to be brutally honest — you can just be honest. Tell them how you feel and what you need.

In a friendship or in any relationship, honesty is the most beautiful form of love, because you're actually being yourself with the other person and letting them know, "This is what I really think, this is what I really feel, this is who I really am. I am staying with you to tell you that. That's how much I love you."

You can ask your friend, "Hey, what do you mean when you say these things? I've noticed a pattern that you tend to tell me these things a lot. What does that mean? What are you trying to tell me? What is the message?"

Once you've clarified it, ask them if they can change the way that they deliver that message. There, you can tell them what you need and how you'd prefer they communicate to you.
What should I look for when choosing a therapist?
First thing: have a consultation. That's something I practice. I know it sounds very practical, but if a therapist doesn't offer consultations, which are 20 minutes or so, that's a red flag. Most therapists will give you one if you ask.

In that consultation, ask how the therapist works, and see if they speak your language. Do you vibe? That's seriously so important. You have to like talking to them and connect with them.

Therapy is such an important service. It's about the heart, the mind, the body, about your whole entity, your history, your healing. It's important that you get the therapist that you need.
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