How to Ignore People Who Ignore You & Feel Better About Yourself

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Plus, therapists and life coaches share how to repair the relationship

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: October 23, 2025 Fact Checked

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• Putting Space Between You
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• Repairing the Relationship
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Feeling ignored can be painful, whether it's your partner, coworker, or friend who’s icing you out. You might find that you're constantly thinking about that person and wondering what's happened between you or how you can fix things. Being ignored can eventually damage your self-esteem, and at some point, you probably need to take a break and focus on your own needs. In this article, we’ll show you healthy ways to put some space between you and the person ignoring you, as well as how you can repair the relationship once things thaw, all with useful advice from licensed therapists and life coaches.

How do you ignore someone who’s ignoring you?

Communication therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP recommends taking time to reflect. Give them space so they have time to process. In the meantime, distract yourself with hobbies and spend time with loved ones. Acknowledge your feelings and discuss why at they’re feeling at a later time.

Steps

Section 1 of 2:

Coping with Being Ignored

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   Walk away and give them some space. Don't try to communicate with the person if they're ignoring you. Sometimes, you just need a break from them, and it might be what they need, too. There's no need to make a scene or dramatically announce that you're giving them space—just go somewhere else and take a social break.

   • “Being ignored can stir up anxiety, anger, and confusion, and [it can] be very frustrating,” says Tenzer. “But before jumping to conclusions, it’s important to pause [and] reflect.”
   • Obviously, this might not be possible if you live with the person. In this case, you both may need a few hours of space to just cool off. For instance, give your roommate or partner a break and get out of your home for a while.
   • If a co-worker is ignoring you, try to leave the issue at work. When you go home, don't allow yourself to even think about it.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP is a communication therapist and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago. She has over 18 years of clinical and educational experience.

   Sarah Schewitz, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 15 years of experience.

   Jessica January Behr, PsyD, is a licensed clinical therapist specializing in couples and sex therapy.

   Nora Oliver is a certified life coach and motivational speaker specializing in helping others discover who they are and how they want to live their lives.
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   Distract yourself with new challenges. Take a class on something you're interested in, hone a new skill, or volunteer. Focus on your passions instead of worrying about the person ignoring you. Learning something new or devoting your time to something you care about will really help you move on and can take the sting out of feeling ignored.

   • For example, enroll in a language class at a community college or volunteer at an animal shelter. Sometimes, just getting outside of your own problems can make them feel smaller.
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   Spend time around supportive people. Enjoy yourself with friends and family instead of stressing. It might seem difficult to take your mind off of the person who's ignoring you, but it's easier if you're having fun and in a positive mindset. Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself!

   • If a partner or family member is ignoring you, talk it out with your friends or just enjoy getting out and taking a mental break.
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   Focus on your own happiness. Do activities that boost your self-confidence. It's really hard not to take it personally when someone ignores you—consequently, your self-esteem might be really low. Instead of putting all your mental energy into thinking about the other person, take time for yourself! This is especially important if someone really close to you is ignoring you. Practice self-care so you feel more positive. You might:

   • Go out for a movie with friends.
   • Get moving—go out for a jog or go climbing.
   • Eat out at your favorite restaurant.
   • Pick up a book by your favorite author.
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   Acknowledge your feelings. Take a moment to identify your emotions. If someone's ignoring you, you may immediately want to ignore them, but it's important to figure out how you feel. When they ignore you, do you feel hurt? Neglected? Embarrassed? Accept your feelings so you know how to move forward. Certified life coach and motivational speaker Nora Oliver recommends journaling to really sort out your feelings: “[Journaling] is a must. You let every feeling out and you see them on paper, which is so important to help you process whatever issues you may be facing.”

   • For instance, you might think, "It really makes me angry when Tina ignores me. We're supposed to be best friends!" or, "I'm embarrassed when Jose ignores me—he's my brother after all."
   • If someone you don't know very well ignores you, you may decide that the relationship isn't worth it. However, if a relative or partner ignores you, it's really important to identify how it affects you.
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Section 2 of 2:

Repairing the Relationship

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1. 
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   Ask yourself if they're really ignoring you. They may be in a bad mood and aren't aware that they're being quiet with you. You might ask them a question or try to start a simple conversation to see how they respond—you may find that they were never ignoring you in the first place. Licensed clinical psychologist Jessica January Behr, PsyD, says, "There's a difference between being ignored and feeling ignored. They [might be] busy, but you might still feel ignored.” She explains that the key is to determine “if there is malintent."

   • “People often act distant because they’re overwhelmed with their own life and not because of you,” agrees Tenzer. “If it’s bothering you and you value the friendship, reach out, but also give them grace. Sometimes life gets hard, busy, and chaotic for all of us.”
   • While you're thinking about it, what frame of mind are you in? If you're in a bit of a negative mood or worried about your relationship with this person, you might be reading too much into things.
   • If you don't know someone very well, you might be misreading their quiet or shy nature. For instance, a co-worker might not be ignoring you—they may just be introverted.
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   Figure out the cause of their behavior. Don't assume that they're the reason they're shutting down. When someone ignores you, it can feel like they're personally attacking you, but pause and ask yourself what else is going on with them. Are they feeling insecure about something? Are they frustrated or angry about something happening with their job or in their personal life? Licensed psychologist Sarah Schewitz, PsyD, reminds that “when somebody doesn't like you, it's not about your worth. It's just about the fit between the two of you.”

   • “Silence often comes from avoidance, fear, or insecurity,” says Tenzer. “Some people don’t know how to express what they feel or fear conflict. Others might use it as control or punishment. Regardless of intent, it’s an emotionally immature coping mechanism … that blocks growth instead of promoting understanding.”
   • Try not to let their silence make you unhappy. Focus on your needs and mental health.
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   Propose a cooling-off period if your partner ignores you. Brushing off their disrespectful treatment of you can further harm your relationship, so acknowledge their silence and plan to talk at a later time. According to Oliver, you should “give them a lot of space” and “let them have that time to themselves to process whatever is happening.” She advises that you schedule a conversation “at a later time and figure out what is happening and if there's something that you need to do to help them or support them.”

   • Tenzer agrees, saying, “If your partner says they need space, respect that, but agree on a time to talk. Silence doesn’t heal; it breeds misunderstanding and resentment. Healthy couples face issues, not avoid them.”
   • For instance, say, "I notice that you've shut down and you're not talking to me. I don't know if it's because you're stressed or work's tough, and I know you don't want to talk, but let's make a plan to talk tomorrow about what's been happening."
   • It's important to take time and communicate how you want to be treated.
4. 4
   Consider talking to the person about the problem. “Communication is key if the relationship matters to you and you have a desire to repair,” says Tenzer. “If there is an issue, your direct communication opens the door to talk about it.” She suggests a “gentle startup question,” which is “much more tolerable for someone who is upset.”

   • If it’s a friend: “Ask about it directly,” advises Tenzer. “Try: ‘Hey, I’m noticing things feel different between us. Is everything OK?’”
   • If it’s a family member: “Ask gently,” Tenzer suggests. “I’ve noticed you seem quiet lately—is everything OK?” She says, “Sometimes family members withdraw because they’re struggling privately. Checking in shows care without confrontation.”
   • Tenzer advises talking about the problem face-to-face. “Healthy communication is usually in person, not over text or social media, [where] we can be too comfortable saying things we would never say to someone’s face.”
   EXPERT TIP

   

   Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

   Therapist

   Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

   

   Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
   Therapist

   Avoid starting the conversation with “Are you mad at me?” That can sound defensive or self-blaming, and it opens the door for them to lash out before you even know what the issue is. Instead, create a caring, positive space for honesty without assigning fault.
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   Evaluate the relationship. Determining what to do when someone close to you is ignoring you largely depends on your relationship with that person and whether you’d like to continue it. For example, if it’s a boss or a coworker ignoring you, you’d need to first figure out what your options are. Perhaps requesting a formal meeting on their calendar is the best move, or escalating the issue to HR. However, your approach must change if it’s a friend, family member, or romantic partner ignoring you. Dr. Behr says, "If this person is actively ignoring you, and maybe that's a pattern in the relationship, then you want to look inward and say, ‘Is this a worthwhile relationship to continue?’”

   • “In the workplace, professionalism is key,” advises Tenzer. “If you sense tension, talk privately and respectfully, ideally outside of hours. You might say, ‘I’ve noticed we haven’t been communicating as much lately. I value working with you. Is everything ok?’ If additional prompting is needed, you can also add, ‘Is there anything we should clear up?’”
   • “If you can’t resolve it,” Tenzer adds, “you can either choose to move on peacefully, or, if needed, involve management. But don’t let it consume your focus—you have a job to do. Keep showing up and staying productive.”
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   Adjust your expectations. Being ignored is a terrible feeling, no matter who or what it’s regarding. However, adjusting your expectations based on past experiences with this person can help you feel less hurt and targeted. For instance, if this is a friend you’ve had since elementary school who is known to disappear and reappear every few months—say, every time they get into a new relationship—then putting this into perspective should soften the blow of their most recent disappearing act.

   • Of course, friendships are a give-and-take, which often means granting your friend empathy and grace. However, if all your efforts are met with silence, it may be a sign that the friendship is no longer serving you.
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   Set boundaries. If this person has a bad habit of ignoring you whenever they please, set strict boundaries with them to let them know you’re prioritizing your own peace this time. These boundaries will look different for different relationships. For example, if your partner is the one who often gives you a cold shoulder because they need to cool down after a fight before they’re able to talk things out, set a specific timeline that you both can agree upon.

   • When asserting your boundaries, use “I” statements like, “I feel really emotionally neglected when you ignore me, and I don’t think I should be feeling that way in our relationship.”
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   Get professional help if your partner frequently ignores you. Talk with a couple's therapist if silence is affecting your relationship. “There’s no reason for two adults to ignore each other,” says Tenzer. “If there’s an issue, it needs to be addressed when [you’re] both ready.”

   • The silent treatment can be very damaging, says Tenzer. “When one partner shuts down, the other fills in the blanks … often with catastrophic thoughts [like] ‘They’re leaving me,’ [or] ‘They don’t love me.’ Over time, this pattern breeds anxiety, resentment, and emotional distance. Healthy communication, even if [it’s] difficult, is always better than silence.”
   • Every couple goes through bumpy patches, but if your partner uses silence as a way to punish or hurt you and they do this repeatedly, it's time to get help. Encourage your partner to attend couples counseling to improve your communication.
   • You deserve to be in a healthy relationship, so don't be afraid to stand up for your needs.
   • Reader Poll: We asked 689 wikiHow readers about the best ways to deal with an avoidant partner, and only 8% of them recommended trying couples therapy. [Take Poll] While couples therapy can be effective, according to our readers, being open about your feelings might be more helpful.
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