What Do They/Them Pronouns Mean? A Complete Guide

Download Article

Learn the proper way to refer to someone by they/them/theirs

Co-authored by Inge Hansen, PsyD and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: September 8, 2025 Fact Checked

Download Article

• They/Them Meaning
|
• Who uses they/them pronouns?
|
• Finding out Someone’s Pronouns
|
• What do you do if you get someone's pronouns wrong?
|
• Expert Interview
|
• Q&A
|
• Tips

|Show more |Show less

When a person uses they/them as their pronouns, they don’t refer to themself using gendered words like he/him or she/her. People of any gender identity may use they/them, and it’s important that you respect a person’s pronouns no matter how they refer to themself. If you’re not sure how to refer to a person as they/them or you want to ensure you use the correct pronouns for someone, we’ll walk you through it. Keep reading to learn what they/them pronouns mean and how you can start using them correctly and confidently.

Things You Should Know

• They/them/theirs pronouns typically refer to a singular person who doesn’t use gendered pronouns like she/her/hers or he/him/his for themself.
• Anyone may use they/them pronouns, regardless of appearance or gender identity. Ask the person for their pronouns so you know how to correctly address them.
• Quickly correct yourself if you accidentally use the wrong pronouns when you’re talking to someone.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

What do they/them pronouns mean?

Download Article

1. 
   They/them signals a person doesn’t want to use gendered pronouns. You may be familiar with using they/them pronouns to refer to a group of people, but these gender-neutral pronouns can also refer to a singular person who doesn't use he/him or she/her. While you can’t assume a person’s gender or sexual orientation just from their pronouns, people who use they/them pronouns may be nonbinary, intersex (someone with anatomical traits that are not the typical male or female), transgender, or another identity.

   • Example: “I’ve known Alex since high school. They’ve been my best friend ever since.”
   • Example: “Julie loves movies, so I got them a gift card to the theater for their birthday.”
   • Neopronouns are newer, typically gender-neutral pronouns to use in place of they/them. Common neopronouns include ze/zem/zemself and ey/em/emself.
   • If someone lists their pronouns as he/they, they use both he/him and they/them interchangeably. When someone uses she/they, they refer to themself as she/her and they/them. Some people may prefer one set of pronouns over the other.
Advertisement

Section 2 of 4:

Who uses they/them pronouns?

Download Article

1. 
   Anyone, regardless of appearance or identity, can go by they/them pronouns. Even if someone appears masculine or feminine, they won’t necessarily use gendered pronouns to refer to themself. Try to avoid making assumptions about someone’s pronouns based on their name or how they look.

   • Example: On a dating site, you may simply see “they/them” in their bio.
   • Example: In an email signature or on Slack, you may see “(they/them)” following the person's name.
   • If you’re not sure what pronouns someone goes by, simply use they/them or their name until you’re able to find out.

Section 3 of 4:

How do you find out someone’s pronouns?

Download Article

1. 
   Just ask the person directly what pronouns they use. If you’re trying to find out what pronouns a person uses, don’t be afraid to ask them upfront. It's not rude to ask; just think of it like asking for their name! Try sharing your pronouns first to make the other person feel more comfortable about telling you theirs.

   • Example: “I just want to double-check—what are your pronouns?”
   • Example: “I’m David, and I use he/him pronouns. What pronouns do you use?”
   • It’s okay if a person doesn’t feel comfortable sharing their pronouns publicly, so don’t force them to. Just refer to them by their name instead of using any pronouns.
Advertisement

Section 4 of 4:

What do you do if you get someone's pronouns wrong?

Download Article

1. 
   Correct yourself and quickly move on. If you slip and use the wrong pronouns, avoid making a big deal out of it. Instead, quickly apologize and switch to the correct pronoun before continuing on with your conversation. Moving on and continuing to use the person’s pronouns after you make the mistake shows that you’re supportive and want to move forward.

   • Example: “I can’t wait for you to meet him—sorry—them. They’re so funny and you’ll mesh so well.”
   • Avoid making excuses, profusely apologizing, or trying to explain why you made the mistake. Doing this may seem like you’re trying to make the situation about you. Misgendering someone can make them feel extremely hurt or invalidated in their identity, but a quick apology and using correct pronouns from then on can help make them more comfortable again.

Community Q&A

Search

Add New Question

• Question

  How do I use Miss, Mrs., Ms., and Mr. for they/them, he/they, she/they, and other combinations? Are we dropping introductory titles, and what about they/them with a job title like Madame or Mr. President?

  

  FeministRizzler

  Community Answer

  For most people who use they/them pronouns, it is common to use Mx., pronounced "mix." For those identifying as she/they, he/they, or something else, it's best to ask them directly.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 2 Helpful 1
• Question

  Why might someone be uncomfortable with nonbinary identities?

  

  FeministRizzler

  Community Answer

  People often prefer strict binary systems and may find it challenging to accept things perceived as "unnatural." This discomfort can stem from the difficulty of accepting change. It can be frustrating for nonbinary individuals, but if someone is making an effort to overcome their discomfort, they are truly commendable.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 2 Helpful 4
• Question

  How do I use the pronoun "you" for someone who identifies as they/them?

  

  Ruby

  Top Answerer

  You use "you" the same way for someone who identifies as they/them as you would for anyone else; second-person pronouns don't change based on gender.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 1 Helpful 4

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement

Tips

• For more resources and information about gender identity and sexual orientation, visit GLAAD, The Trevor Project, or the Human Rights Campaign.
  Thanks

  Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

Advertisement