The Dos and Don’ts of Sliding Into Someone’s DMs

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Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz shares advice on starting a convo & shooting your shot

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IN THIS ARTICLE

1 Use a personal social media platform.

2 Create an engaging profile.

3 Follow them before you DM them.

4 Reply to their story for an easy in.

5 Give them a sincere compliment.

6 Bond over common interests.

7 Share something interesting or helpful.

8 Keep the conversation going.

9 Give them time to reply.

10 Move to another platform if things are going well.

11 Make plans to see each other in person.

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Co-authored by Emyli Lovz and Samantha Fulton, BA

Last Updated: March 27, 2026 Fact Checked

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Making a move can feel like risky business, especially in digital spaces where it’s harder to control the vibe you give off. But don’t worry! There are ways to navigate sliding into someone’s DMs without coming across as creepy. We’ve partnered with dating experts to put together these 11 tips for sliding into someone’s DMs in a chill and respectful way. Keep reading for the dos and don’ts of shooting your shot through DMs.

Tips for Sliding Into DMs Without Being Creepy

Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz says sliding into someone’s DMs can be respectful as long as you do it with intent, low pressure, and personalization. Some of her recommended ways to DM someone you’re interested in include:

• Commenting on something specific in their profile.
• Sharing something interesting or helpful.
• Making a light, playful joke.
• Asking them about a shared interest.

Steps

1

Use a personal social media platform.

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1. 
   Dating apps, Instagram, and other personal sites work best for DMs. We advise against messaging your crush after connecting on LinkedIn, and maybe don’t hit up the office cutie on Slack. Remember, there’s a time and a place, and it’s unprofessional to slide into DMs on a networking/workplace site.

   • Snapchat and Facebook can also be solid options depending on your age group.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Emyli Lovz is a dating and relationship coach and co-founder of emlovz. She helps men and women find and maintain healthy relationships.

   Shana Tibi is a certified professional matchmaker and the founder of Curated Connections, a matchmaking service for single professionals.

   John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He has over 15 years of experience.
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2

Create an engaging profile.

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1. 
   Fill out your bio and upload a clear, flattering picture. Your profile is part of your first impression, and the average person is going to be wary of a profile with limited personal info, advises Dating and Relationship Coach Lada Kain. Make sure you personalize your profile so they know you’re legit! Here are some ways to make your profile unique:

   • Write a funny bio. Add something clever that shows your sense of humor and tells people something about your personality!
   • Choose an approachable profile picture. Show people who you are so they can put a face to the name.
   • Post things that are authentic and interesting, says Kain. Be yourself! You want people to like you for who you really are, not for an online persona.

3

Follow them before you DM them.

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1. 
   You’re more likely to get a response if they’re already familiar with you. If you’ve never spoken before, build up some rapport before you hit send by interacting with posts for a few days or weeks before DMing.

   • Something to keep in mind: Go for a gradual increase in interaction. Spamming someone with likes or comments may come across as offputting. Sprinkle in likes and comments over a couple weeks to be more subtle.
   • Tip: If you have a mutual friend, ask for an in person introduction first. This is a more organic way to approach someone new and is less likely to throw off the person you’re trying to impress.
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4

Reply to their story for an easy in.

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1. 
   This gives you something to talk about so you can skip generic messages. According to Lovz, a good message does 3 things: it relates, adds value, and ends with a question. For example, she recommends commenting on something specific from the person’s profile or story when DMing them. Already having a topic of conversation will make things feel more natural than starting with “hey” or “hi.” Here are some examples of engaging story replies that might get the ball rolling:

   • “Yosemite is so dope. That Half Dome photo is epic. First time there?”
     • Lovz says this message works because it relates to something meaningful to the person, it starts a natural conversation, and it feels genuine instead of random.
   • “I love this band/artist! What’s your favorite song of theirs?”
   • “I’ve been meaning to try out this [coffee shop/restaurant]. How was it?”
   • What to avoid: Lovz doesn’t recommend just sending “Hi,” “Hey,” or other low-effort messages. Instead, ensure your message is thoughtful and intentional. Certified professional matchmaker Shana Tibi agrees and says, “Nobody, man or woman, likes ‘Hi.’ It doesn't leave room for anything and is usually a deal breaker for most people.”

5

Give them a sincere compliment.

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1. 
   Pick something that isn’t looks-based to make an impact. Giving them a compliment about something specific and personal will help you connect and put them at ease. What Lovz doesn’t recommend, though, is only commenting on their appearance or sending overly sexual and aggressive messages. Remember to think carefully about how your message will be received—being respectful and appropriate will usually yield more positive results.

   • Here are some examples of compliments that are more likely to get a reply:
     • “The artwork you posted was so impressive! How long have you been drawing?”
     • “Your style is so cool and unique. Do you like thrifting?”
     • “You always post the best music recommendations! Where do you find these artists?”
   • On the other hand, a compliment like “you’re so hot” doesn’t leave room for meaningful conversation and will likely leave the receiver feeling objectified.
   • Tip: Ask a friend to look at your message to make sure you’re on the right track and not sending the wrong impression.
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6

Bond over common interests.

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1. 
   Chatting about shared interests gives you something easy to talk about. According to Lovz, shared interests create an instant connection. And as Tibi reminds us, “Specific is terrific,” so sparking up a conversation about their job, where they went to school, or an activity they like is a solid move. Remember, you shouldn’t have to force an interaction, so if you want to make a positive impression, choose something you’re actually interested in and that feels natural to talk about.

   • Some good conversation starters might be:
     • “I saw that you went to [school], too! What did you major in?”
     • “It’s so cool that you’re into [activity]... any tips for someone looking to try it out?”
     • “Loving your photography. Do you prefer shooting landscapes or street photos?”
     • “I’m friends with [name], too! How do you know each other?”

7

Share something interesting or helpful.

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1. 
   Adding value helps the conversation feel engaging instead of transactional. According to Lovz, DMing can absolutely be respectful and effective as long as your message is intentional, personalized, and low-pressure. She says DMing someone to share something interesting or helpful is a great way to spark a conversation.

   • Lovz provides this example for how to share something interesting or helpful:
     • “If you love sushi that much, have you been to the hidden speakeasy sushi spot downtown that looks like a laundromat until you give them the secret code and they bring you downstairs?"
     • She says this message works because it relates to the person, adds value, and ends in a question.
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8

Keep the conversation going.

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1. 
   Ask open-ended questions that require a response. If you get a positive response, don’t let the conversation die – make sure you’re showing interest and being engaging. Tibi advises drawing a line between subtle and over-the-top. She says, “You're not giving your whole life story in your opener, but at the same time, being too subtle creates a lot more anxiety for people when they're not sure of someone's intentions.” Here are some ways to keep the ball rolling:

   • Ask open-ended questions. Simple yes or no questions are almost always going to be a dead end. Ask questions that can lead to a deeper conversation:
     • “What do you love about [activity/job]?”
     • “What was your favorite part about [experience]?”
   • Ask follow-ups. A simple way to show interest is to ask them to say more about a topic they care about:
     • “That sounds awesome, tell me more.”
     • “That must have been challenging… how did you handle it?”
   • Ask playful and curious questions: According to Lovz, light teasing or curiosity can work well, as it invites a response. Just make sure your question is kind and not creepy:
     • “Serious question: are you actually that good at rock climbing, or was that photo just a lucky moment?”

9

Give them time to reply.

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1. 
   Double-texting can seem overeager and pushy. Lovz says to avoid sending multiple questions at once. And if they’re not engaging with your messages, take the hint that it’s time to back off. Dating coach John Keegan reminds us, “Just like in real life, when you go up and meet someone, you have to understand that you're not for everybody.” If someone doesn’t reply, or isn’t trying to keep the conversation going, accept it and respectfully back off.

   • Something to keep in mind: Always be respectful of boundaries. As much as rejection stings, if someone tells you to stop or leave them alone, you have to respect it.
     • Boundaries can take different shapes. If someone isn’t replying, or is being dry, they might be trying to politely steer you away.
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10

Move to another platform if things are going well.

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1. 
   Lingering in DMs for too long can eventually feel like a dead end. If things are going well and you want to keep getting to know each other, move to a better platform! If you’re in a dating app or on Instagram, you might ask for their phone number to avoid staggered responses and to create a more intimate interaction. Here are a couple respectful ways to ask to switch platforms:

   • “I’d love to keep getting to know you, but I don’t check this app that often. Could we move this conversation to text?”
   • “I’m really enjoying this conversation and would love to keep it going. Would you be comfortable exchanging phone numbers?”

11

Make plans to see each other in person.

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1. 
   If things are going well, it’s time to switch gears and meet in real life. “After a bit of conversation,” says Lovz, “you can suggest a specific plan.” Just make sure to provide the exact time, date, and location, as this is more effective than sending a vague invitation. Plus, she says having a clear plan makes it easier for the person to say yes or no. Asking to meet in person is a great way to show your interest and to strengthen the connection.

   • Here are some options for how to make a move:
     • “I’ve had such a great time talking to you. Would you be interested in keeping this conversation going over coffee?”
     • “I would love to get to know you better in person, if you’re open to meeting up.”
     • “There’s a cool coffee shop with live jazz on Saturday afternoon. Want to check it out with me at 2?”
     • “I’m planning on going to [place] that you recommended if you want to join me.”
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