Emyli Lovz

Try not to feel pressured to make a decision on a timeline. I teach my clients to date multiple people at the same time, so they can compare and contrast. A lot of times, we are programmed to choose heartbreak and to choose dysfunction, especially if we saw it as children. It's helpful to date enough people that you can really identify patterns and make sure that your decisions are based upon your own feelings, not the feelings of others or what you think you should feel.

Ideally, the person you choose to keep dating is someone with whom it feels effortless, and like you've known them forever. You want to feel that you can be yourself and that you have lots in common. Those are all really good signs. If you're with someone where there are very high highs and very low lows, that's not a good sign. If they put you down or criticize you in any way or can't communicate well, those are all bad signs. You want to feel at peace and feel safe.

If you're confused whether someone likes you, I'd suggest asking them what their attachment style is, or try to get a sense of it. It's going to tell you a lot about them, how they connect with people, and if they're comfortable connecting. About 50% of the population has a secure attachment, which means they probably don't play games in dating, and in theory, should be honest and available emotionally. If someone's playing games, that's a signal that they have an insecure attachment style. If you find that someone has an insecure attachment style, personally, I might exit the situation.

If you're interested in asking someone out at the gym, first, I'd say to look for signals that this will be welcome. You want to move at a slow roll, right, because you don't want to find yourself in a sticky situation at your gym. For example, if someone has headphones in and is not looking at you, that's probably not someone to approach. Then, keep it simple; I would ask a simple question about the class. You could also try a flirty high five at the end. "We made it!", "You were looking good!", that kind of thing, right? I would also encourage you to maybe hold off if you're seeing someone that you think is attractive for the first time at a place you go regularly. Instead, maybe wait until you've started seeing them there on a regular basis. Studies actually show that they're going to find you more attractive after repeated encounters!

You could also always collect a group to go do something outside of the gym that's related to health or wellness. For example, "Have you heard about the Tough Mudder coming up? I'm getting a group together from the gym to do it, and we'll train together". This way, you can bring that person into an outside environment where you can get to know them better. Once you're in that environment, you can say something like "It's been really fun getting to know you. I'd love to take you on a date. Would you be open to that?"

If you're interested in asking someone out at the gym, first, I'd say to look for signals that this will be welcome. You want to move at a slow roll, right, because you don't want to find yourself in a sticky situation at your gym. For example, if someone has headphones in and is not looking at you, that's probably not someone to approach. I would encourage you to go to workout classes where it's easier to be social. Then, to keep it simple, if you're trying to pick someone up at the gym or at a workout class, I would ask a simple question about the class. You could also try a flirty high five at the end. "We made it!", "You were looking good!", that kind of thing, right? I would also encourage you to maybe hold off if you're seeing someone that you think is attractive for the first time at a place you go regularly. Instead, maybe wait until you've started seeing them there on a regular basis. Studies actually show that they're going to find you more attractive after repeated encounters!

You could also always collect a group to go do something outside of the gym that's related to health or wellness. For example, "Have you heard about the Tough Mudder coming up? I'm getting a group together from the gym to do it, and we'll train together". This way, you can bring that person into an outside environment where you can get to know them better. Once you're in that environment, you can say something like "It's been really fun getting to know you. I'd love to take you on a date. Would you be open to that?"

There are several end-of-date signs that show that it's going well. First off, it's a good sign if it seems like they don't want to leave! They express that they'd like to see you again. They talk about some future stuff they'd be interested in doing. Lots of smiling and laughter. And maybe you kiss!