How to Not Be Creepy: Advice from Dating Experts

Dating coach Erika Kaplan explains how to avoid putting out bad vibes

Co-authored by John Keegan and Eric McClure

Last Updated: March 24, 2026 Fact Checked

"Creepiness" is hard to define, but people generally know it when they see it. For most people, creepiness is something that is vaguely threatening, but also uncertain. People get the creeps because they don't know if someone actually poses a threat or not. So, avoiding putting out creepy vibes mostly comes down to respecting boundaries and behaving predictably. To help, wikiHow sat down with multiple relationship experts and etiquette coaches to get professional insight on what you should and should not do to avoid coming off as creepy.

How to Prevent Coming Off as a Creep

Dating coach Erika Kaplan says that not giving off creepy vibes is all about respecting boundaries and being authentic to yourself without oversharing. It can be a difficult balancing act, so try to read other people’s energy and react based on that. Above all, relax! If you try to enjoy yourself, you won’t be creepy.

1

Relax.

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People who seem really tense tend to come off as creepy. It’s totally normal and okay to be anxious in social situations, but do your best to take a deep breath and chill out. People naturally pick up on the vibes you put down, and if your shoulders are tense, you’re gritting your teeth, and you’re kind of white-knuckling it through interactions, people may interpret that tension as something to be wary of.
- Focus on your breathing! If you’re anxious and feel yourself getting tense, take a deep breath through your nose, hold it for 2-3 seconds, and breathe out slowly through your mouth. Repeat this a few times, and you’ll feel much better.
- Lower your shoulders. When you tense up, you carry a lot of tightness in your shoulders, and people can actually see you bunching up. Relaxing your shoulder muscles will help you calm down, too.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Mark Rosenfeld is a dating and relationship coach who specializes in helping clients find and keep extraordinary relationships.

Chloe Carmichael, PhD, is a relationship expert and licensed clinical psychologist who focuses on stress management, self-esteem, and social coaching.

Lynda Jean is an etiquette coach with over 15 years of experience helping clients improve their self-esteem, behavior, and communication.

Erika Kaplan is a dating coach with over a decade of experience helping people connect and develop meaningful relationships.

Christine Ferrera is an etiquette coach who focuses on helping people with communication, image, and personal style.

2

Smile and make eye contact.

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An approachable expression will alleviate a lot of assumptions. Dating and relationship coach Mark Rosenfeld says that if you want to make a good impression, it’s all about your facial expression: “The biggest thing with eye contact is you must hold it a lot more than you think you do. You must hold it for three to four seconds, and once you can do that, add a smile as well.”^{[1]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- If you’re worried you’re overdoing it with the smiling and eye contact, just maintain a neutral expression.
- Remember not to stare! Eye contact is good, but continuing to look at someone when you aren’t interacting with them isn’t going to send the signal you want it to.

3

Respect physical boundaries.

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Avoid touching anyone or taking up their personal space without permission. A lot of people will get creeped out if you touch them while having a conversation, or if you stand unnecessarily close to them. Kaplan points out that physical boundaries are fundamentally about safety. If you encroach on someone’s space, you risk making them feel like they’re in danger.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} This isn’t going to send the right message if you’re trying to avoid being creepy, so give people plenty of space.
- You do not need to touch someone in an inappropriate way for it to be perceived as creepy. Even an innocent touch can seem strange, especially if you do not know the person well.
- When you're talking to someone, avoid cornering them and making them feel claustrophobic.
- As a rule of thumb, only touch someone if they touch you first. Breaking the contact barrier is a big deal, so it’s best to let others do it first if you’re worried about coming off as creepy.

4

Be curious about everyone equally.

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Focusing exclusively on one person can send the wrong message. Relationship expert Chloe Carmichael, PhD, says that when you’re around a lot of people, try to spread the love by interacting with everybody. “Questions to ask would be things like, ‘How do you know the host,’ or, ‘One of the things I've always liked about Steve…’ and then the next thing, you know, you're kind of both sharing some stories about Steve.”^{[3]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert

Expert Interview}
- If you only focus on talking to one or two people specifically, it can have two effects. First, it can (sometimes) make the person you’re talking to feel like you’re cornering them, which isn’t good. Second, other people will pick up on it, and you’ll appear to be closed off from other people. Neither is good if you want to avoid looking creepy.

5

Maintain balanced conversations.

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If you are asked a question, ask another question after answering. If someone goes, “What do you do for work?”, answer their question and then follow it up with, “What about you?” This will keep interactions equal and balanced. Etiquette coach Lynda Jean points out that every interaction should be equitable when it comes to how much you talk about yourself, so ask plenty of questions about other people.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Lynda Jean
Etiquette Coach

Expert Interview}
- If you only ever talk about yourself, it may not come off as creepy per se, but it will certainly minimize how much people interact with you.

6

Share personal details judiciously.

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Oversharing is a huge “creepy” signal to people. It indicates that you aren’t naturally picking up on boundaries, which can make some people uncomfortable. Etiquette coach Christine Ferrera says that if you struggle with sharing too much, pause before replying to people: “Pause and process what you're going to say in response to the question. Likewise, allow the person speaking to end before you interject with them... Pause, process, and deliver.”^{[5]
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Expert Source

Christine Ferrera
Etiquette Coach

Expert Interview}

7

Be yourself.

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People generally like it when other people are enthusiastic about things and let their freak flag fly a little bit, so don’t go out of your way to pretend that you’re something you’re not. Kaplan says, “I think it's very [important] to meet someone where they are while still kind of keeping to your authentic self. So, finding ways to kind of connect and relate to who they are and what their interests are to kind of subtly prove to them that you two are on the same page.”^{[6]
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Expert Source

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker

Expert Interview}

8

Keep your jokes light.

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A poorly timed “dark” joke will ruin the vibe immediately. Unless you really know someone, testing the waters with a macabre or offensive joke just isn’t worth the risk. If you’re going to joke around, keep it lighthearted, upbeat, and friendly.^{[7]
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- Avoid using self-deprecating humor. Poking fun at yourself isn’t wrong all the time, but it can make people think that you have low-self esteem if you overdo it, which isn’t going to help.

9

Let disinterested people go.

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If someone acts like they don’t want to talk, move on from them. If you approach someone and they don’t seem all that into the conversation, excuse yourself and go elsewhere. Don’t put the onus on the other person to get away from you if the vibes aren’t right—that’s how people end up feeling cornered.^{[8]
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Research source} Signs someone doesn’t want to talk include:
- Frequently checking their phone.
- Looking away or turning away from you.
- Not replying to your questions or only offering one- to two-word answers.
- Fidgeting, hiding their hands, or playing with their hair.

10

Steer conversations towards lighter topics.

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Avoid talking about things that others may find disturbing. People typically find it creepy when others talk about morbid topics, especially for extended periods of time. It's best to avoid these topics altogether, unless you are sure that the person you are talking to will be interested. Some topics to avoid include death, torture, and sexual fetishes.^{[9]
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- People tend to assume that individuals whose professions or hobbies involve death are creepy, so if you enjoy taxidermy or work as a mortician, you may want to avoid bringing these topics up with new acquaintances. If it comes up, you can laugh and acknowledge "It's a little creepy!", and then talk about a more cheerful topic.
- There are also some less obvious topics that many people find weird. The best example is clowns, which give lots of people the creeps.
- While talking about sex is not always creepy, talking about it constantly or at inappropriate times definitely is. If you're ever unsure whether it is appropriate, avoid bringing it up.^{[10]
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  Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
  Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
  
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11

Be predictable.

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Don’t startle people or act out suddenly. Unpredictability is a hallmark of creepiness, so do your best to act in a normal way. People will not want to be around you if they are never sure how you will behave.^{[11]
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- Avoid jumping out at people or trying to surprise them, unless you know the person and are doing it as a joke.
- Avoid sudden outbursts, especially if they could be interpreted as violent. If you feel an outburst coming on, say "I need some air" and leave to cool off.
- Always try to gauge the appropriateness of your behavior by assessing the atmosphere and watching how others are behaving. For example, if you are giving a formal presentation, you would be expected to stand up straight and look at the crowd, so people might find it creepy if you were sitting down and looking at the floor.^{[12]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  
  Go to source}

12

Avoid asking deeply personal questions.

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Crossing a boundary like this can make some people uncomfortable. Getting too personal too fast will definitely make you seem creepy. It's important to respect people's privacy, especially if you don't know them well. For example, asking someone how much money they make is typically considered rude. Asking a more obscure question, like what blood type the person is, is just plain creepy because you have no need to know that information.^{[13]
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- Even if you know someone well, be careful about asking obtrusive or rude questions. If you ever want to ask something but you're not sure if it's appropriate, consider prefacing the question by saying something like, "I'm sorry if this is a weird question" or "Forgive me for asking." You can also say afterwards, "You don't have to answer that if it's too personal."

13

Maintain good hygiene.

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Smelling and looking clean will prevent a lot of “creepy” vibes. Although it isn't always true that dangerous people look disheveled, it is an extremely common stereotype. For this reason, it's very important that you always look neat and well-groomed.^{[14]
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Science Direct
Online archive of peer-reviewed research on scientific, technical and medical topics

Go to source}
- Wash your hair regularly and get it cut often so that it looks neat.
- Always wear clean clothes.
- Bathe every day to avoid smelling bad. You should also wear deodorant, and cologne/body spray/perfume if you'd like.

14

Dress like you care.

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You don’t need to be a fashion model, but put some thought into it. Dress well. The way you dress is the aspect of your appearance that you have the most control over. Because people tend to associate anything out of the ordinary with creepiness, try to keep your clothing neutral and on-trend.^{[15]
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- Steer clear of clothing that doesn't match or doesn't fit you well. It's also best to avoid anything that looks like it should be worn as part of a costume, like a cape.
- Don't wear clothing with slogans that promote violence or dehumanize women, as this may make people think you are potentially violent, and thus creepy.^{[16]
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- There's nothing wrong with wearing clothes that express your personality, but if you're really concerned about other people thinking you're creepy, be careful about wearing anything too unique. If you're unsure whether an outfit will make you look creepy, try asking a trusted friend or relative what they think.
- You don't need to be extremely fashion-forward to not look creepy. A simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt is usually a safe choice.

15

Take no for an answer.

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Listen to and respect boundaries. If someone says something like "I need alone time," "Don't touch me," or "Go away," stop right away. This is a mark of good manners and shows that you are non-threatening. Non-creepy people know how to take "no" for an answer.^{[17]
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- If someone looks like they want to leave a conversation, give them an opportunity to do so. Trying to make them stay can make you seem creepy.^{[18]
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- Some people, especially women, disabled people, and abuse survivors, may be afraid to express boundaries. Pay attention to their body language. If it seems like they’re uncomfortable, give them some space.

16

Flirt only if they respond positively.

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Notice how the other person responds to flirting. If they are interested (open body language, genuinely smiling or laughing, touching you, etc.), then you can continue flirting. If they show signs of discomfort (closed-off body language, looking away, plastered-on smile, fake laugh, avoiding eye contact, frowning), then they are not interested.^{[19]
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Research source} Apologize for making them uncomfortable, and stop. Flirting with someone who clearly doesn't like it is one of the fastest ways to be seen as creepy.
- Some people are shy. If they are smiling, then gently proceed. If they look upset, stop right away.
- Start small. Talk to them, flirt, and see how they respond. Then amp it up if you are getting a positive response. Sending an unsolicited photo of your genitals to a stranger is the exact opposite of what you want to do.

17

Don’t expect anything from people.

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Nobody owes you, so don’t expect anything beyond basic respect. Dispel the notion that you deserve a girlfriend, or that you are owed sex. Recognize that potential partners are people, not rewards earned by being a "nice guy."^{[20]
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Research source} Work on becoming a better listener, accepting rejection, and respecting the other person's thoughts and feelings. Responding with anger or disrespect when someone won't date you is a hallmark of creeps.^{[21]
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- Potential dates are not your enemies. If you have to fight them in order to get to them, you're doing it wrong, and it's time to quit.^{[22]
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- If someone turns you down, it isn't a black mark against you. Maybe you aren't their type, they're too busy for a relationship, or their sexual orientation is incompatible. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, or that the universe is out to get you. It hurts, but you shouldn't let it define you!

18

Treat everyone with respect and dignity.

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There’s nothing cool or attractive about racism, sexism, etc. Making derogatory comments about groups of people will make them not trust you and feel unsafe around you. Treating everyone with dignity, without making snap judgments, will help others view you positively.^{[23]
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- Don't talk down to others, and don't use nicknames like "sweetie" or shortened names. Save them for people you are close with, if they like it.
- Work on being open-minded and accepting of others, and challenge any negative stereotypes you may have.
- Know basic manners around disabled people. Respect their personal space, offer help before jumping in, don't ask about their abilities to feed/clean/toilet/have sex, and treat them like adults (unless they are literal children).^{[24]
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19

Apologize if you think you crossed a line.

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It’s okay to make mistakes so long as you take responsibility. Honest mistakes do happen, and you may accidentally creep someone out. If this is the case, you can improve their opinion of you by acting like a mature, upstanding person. Take direct responsibility and apologize.^{[25]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices

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- Instead of saying "I'm sorry, but...." say "I'm sorry, and..." This makes it clearer that you aren't trying to make an excuse, just offer an explanation, without diminishing any harm done.
- For example, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable by complimenting your dress. I thought it was a nice dress, and my intent was to make your day a little better, not to make you uncomfortable. But clearly, that's not what happened, and I'm very sorry. Can we start over?"

Community Q&A

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Would impersonating someone else's account be creepy?

Community Answer

Yes. That would be both creepy and morally wrong. It could also get you into legal trouble, as that could be seen as identity theft.

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If I'm autistic and can't read body language, facial expressions, non-verbal cues, and gestures am I automatically considered a creep?

Luna Rose

Top Answerer

Of course not! If you're autistic, interacting well with other people will take more effort, but it can be done. Work on being kind, patient, and understanding. If you're confused about other people's thoughts or feelings, just ask: "Are you upset?" "Is now a good time?" "Am I bothering you?" Explain that reading body language is hard for you, and ask people to clarify. Respect any boundaries they set. A developmental disability doesn't make someone creepy; it just means that there may be extra challenges. Building a reputation as a respectful, kind person can go a long way.

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Is looking at someone every few minutes just as creepy as staring?

Community Answer

No. Taking a quick glance at them actually makes you seems normal, just that you show interest in them. And if you're actually talking to the person, you should be looking at them most of the time.

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