Expert-Backed Tips to Make Her Obsessed With You Again

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Do's and don'ts to get your girl back—and keep her

Co-authored by John Keegan and Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: October 17, 2025 Fact Checked

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Taking a Step Back

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Making Her Want You Again

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Securing the New Relationship

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Trying to get a girl to want you back can be a challenge, especially if your relationship ended on a bad note. However, if you know that you have an unbelievable connection, then it might be worth it to try and rekindle that old flame. If you want to know how to make your ex-girlfriend like you again and want you back, then you need to give her space while you work on yourself. Keep reading to learn how, with valuable tips and tricks from relationship experts, to help you get your girl back.

How to Get Her to Want You Back

Take some time to give her space while you reflect on what went wrong. Work on yourself and think about what you'd do differently. Maintain your distance until the time is right, and then casually reach out to her. Determine if she likes you back, and if she does, let her know what your plans are for a fresh start.

Section 1 of 3:

Taking a Step Back

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Give the girl some space. Though you may think that the best way to get your girl back is to fight for her tooth and nail, you're actually better off giving her some breathing room than fighting for her affection right away. Unless it's getting serious between her and another guy and you're determined to break them up—which is not always advisable—play it cool until she has time to heal and to get a fresh perspective on the relationship.^{[1]
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- This doesn't mean that you should cut off communication completely, but you shouldn't text her too frequently or ask her to hang out with you all the time.
- If she initiates a hangout early on, it’s okay to accept, but don't come on too strong when you do get together.
- Giving her space is also a sign of maturity. This may make her want you even more.
- Wait long enough so she has time to heal, but not so long that she forgets all of the wonderful things about you. Each situation is different, but as a general rule, give it at least a few weeks, but no longer than two months.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1711 wikiHow readers how they’d handle a partner pulling away, and 53% agreed that they’d give them space to come to a decision on their own. [Take Poll]
Meet the wikiHow Experts

John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker with over 15 years of professional experience.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, is a licensed relationship therapist specializing in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration.

Nicole Moore is a love and relationship coach with over a decade of experience.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW is a psychotherapist specializing in individual and couples therapy, focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, and more.

Julia McCurley is a certified professional matchmaker and relationship coach with over 12 years of experience.
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Think about what went wrong. While you're giving your girl some space, don't just sit idly by and wait for the clock to run its course. Instead, think about why things ended between the two of you. If it was something obvious, like you not giving her enough time, great. But if it was something more complicated—a combination of her not feeling appreciated enough and you spending too much time partying, for example—then pinpoint the problem or problems that caused your love to fizzle out.^{[2]
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- Psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, encourages you to be patient and try to understand: “Maybe you broke [her] trust, [and] it may take a little bit for this person to come back around, but I think that showing remorse and actions are huge."^{[3]
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  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
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- If she was the one who ended things, then you would have more of a challenge on your hands. Think about all of the reasons she ended it; if she ended it abruptly, look through old emails or texts to see if you can identify the problem.
- If you're the one who ended it, then you may have to convince her that you won't break her heart again.
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Make a plan to address the problem. Once you've identified the problem, it's up to you to find a solution. For example, if it ended because you spent way too much time with your friends, find a way to make her a bigger priority by setting up weekly date nights and coming up with new things you want to do together. If it ended because of your inability to communicate, practice honesty and compassion in your everyday relationships.^{[4]
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- Part of fixing the problem will mean working on yourself, as you were probably at least partially to blame.
- Another part of this plan will mean that you'll have to work on how you perceive her; if you struggled to prioritize her, make sure you can amend that the second time around.
- If you have to work out some major issues, then make a long-term plan for how you'll do it, whether it's going to therapy, dropping an addiction, or giving yourself a major personality overhaul in some regard.
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Work on yourself. Even if you think you've found the exact problem and solution that would win your girl back instantly, it's rarely ever that simple. Instead, work on making yourself a more desirable, better person overall. This means working on yourself inside and out; though getting a new haircut won't impress her, looking like you're happier to be around and that you're more conscious of the image you're projecting will catch her attention.^{[5]
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- Devote more time to your favorite hobbies, whether it's biking or mechanics. Being more excited about your interests will make you a more fun person to talk to.
- Work on developing a more positive attitude toward life. If she feels happier just from being around you, then she'll be more likely to keep wanting to see you.

Section 2 of 3:

Making Her Want You Again

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Let her see that you're focusing on yourself. Even if you've been absolutely miserable in her absence, put your best foot forward and don’t let her see how much you’ve been struggling emotionally. Instead, you want her to hear—and see—that you're doing fine, going about your everyday life, and working on improving yourself. With any luck, she'll see you as a dynamic person who has a lot going for him and may begin to miss you. For example, certified professional matchmaker Julia McCurley says to act “super busy” and to “post lots of pictures on social media.”^{[6]
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Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker

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- Casually hang out at a place where you're both likely to be. Make sure you show up with friends and she sees you having a good time without overdoing it.
- If you see her socially, such as at a party, don't drop everything you're doing to rush up and talk to her. Come up to her eventually, but don’t revolve your evening around her.
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Leave her friends with a better impression of you. If her friends didn’t like you before, perhaps because you were too controlling, not caring enough towards them, or just because you were a bad boyfriend, then your job is to make them reconsider. If you make a better impression on them the second time around, they might think that maybe you weren't so bad after all—and pass this information along to your ex.^{[7]
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- If you run into her friends, make a conscious effort to make small talk without being too obvious about it.
- If you talk to her friends, don't bring her up immediately. However, you can casually ask how she's doing and really let them see that you're hurting, if you're open to being so vulnerable.
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Approach her when the time is right. After enough time has passed and you've made it back on her radar, you should slowly start to make your way back into her life. It can be as simple as stopping to have a five-minute conversation if you run into her, or casually sliding your tray next to hers at lunch. Dating coach John Keegan says, “When you really want [her] to like you back, you want to come in slowly, kind of like going up to a strange animal you don't know.” He explains that you can’t just “run at [her] full force with your emotions.” Instead, he recommends you reach out “in a light-hearted way.”^{[8]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} You can also do the following:
- Keep it cool. Be sweet to her while making her wonder if you are just looking to be friends. Don't shower her with compliments the second she hangs out with you again.
- Once you've started talking again, up the ante. Invite her to do something simple, like grab coffee or check out a lecture together. Don't ask her to do anything romantic quite yet.
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Show her you've changed. You can let her see that you're a changed man without shouting, "Look how different I am!" Just spend enough time with her to see that you really have changed your ways, if changing your ways was necessary. If she thought you were too sloppy, put in an effort into your appearance. If she criticized you for always showing up late, make a conscious effort to show up early to your next coffee date. Don't point out these changes; let her see for herself, and she will be truly impressed.
- These changes should feel natural to you. Don't change something about yourself just to please her, or you'll fall right back to your old ways the first chance you get.
- If you feel like you really hurt her while you were dating, it's never too late to apologize. She will be touched that you've put that much thought into the relationship after it ended.
While you certainly don’t want to overdo it, you also don’t want to make yourself too available too quickly. As you start to hang out more and more, make sure you still set aside some time for yourself. Licensed relationship therapist Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, warns against playing too hard to get: “You should be aware that it’s a potential risk because a lot of people don't like playing games and don't understand mixed messages.” She adds that you should “make sure that you're not consistently making yourself unavailable to the point where you're never following up with an alternative.”^{[9]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview}
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Confirm that she wants you back. Once you feel like you've grabbed her attention and rekindled the spark, it's time to check in to make sure that she really wants you back before you tell her how you really feel. Though you don't have to know how she feels with 100% certainty, the more sure you are that she wants you back, the less likely you'll be to set yourself up for potential failure. Here are some signs that she wants you back:^{[10]
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- Check out her body language. When you talk to her, does she lean closer to you and make eye contact, looking at the floor every time she gets embarrassed?
- See if she's jealous. Does she ask if you're seeing other women, or look upset if she sees you talking to other girls? If so, then she may want you all to herself.
- See if she's started treating you like a boyfriend again. Has she given you hugs, compliments, and asked you to go on date-like adventures?
- If you feel like she doesn’t want you back, Keegan advises that you “quickly make up your mind to stop being attracted to [her].” He says that if you choose to chase her, it can make you seem desperate, which he describes as the “worst” of all.^{[11]
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Tell her how you feel. Once you're pretty sure that she shares your feelings, there's no point in beating around the bush. Find a time when you can both be alone and pick a place that is just a little bit romantic and gives you the privacy that you need. Then, look into her eyes and tell her how much you've missed her, and how much you'd like to date her again. Show her that you've put a lot of thought into the failed relationship and that you're determined to make it work this time. Love and relationship coach Nicole Moore says, “You don’t need to beg or plead with them to take you back, but rather you want to paint a picture for them of your vision for the relationship moving forward."^{[12]
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Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- Be specific. Show her how you've made an effort to change instead of making empty promises.
- Give her time. If she's reluctant at first, don't get angry or disappointed. Remember that even if she does want you back, she still wants to protect her heart.

Section 3 of 3:

Securing the New Relationship

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Give your new relationship a fresh start. If you're lucky enough that your girl wants to give it another go, then you should try to start fresh as much as you can. Though you can go back to enjoying some of the same restaurants, TV shows, and things that you loved together, it's important to pick some new activities and relationship strategies so your relationship doesn't feel like another version of your former dating experience.^{[13]
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- Make sure you set aside any differences before embarking on this mission; don't leave any problems unchecked.
- Though you can bring up the happy memories, try to avoid thinking or talking about any bad experiences you've shared, unless you can laugh about them.
- Don't take her for granted. Take the time to let her know how much you care about her.
- Take it slow. Treat it like you're starting a new relationship instead of jumping right back into an old one. Don't spend all of your time together right away, even if that's what you were doing before you broke up.
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Don't make the same mistakes. Though you shouldn't constantly worry about the relationship ending, you should be conscious of whatever it was that made your relationship fail the first time. If it failed because you spent too much time with your friends and you find yourself hanging out with your friends all the time again, cut back a bit. And if it ended because of something that she did, have an honest conversation about it if it comes up again.
- Remember how awful you felt when you made those mistakes the first time. You don't want to go through that pain again.
This may sound like a no-brainer, but it’s also a non-negotiable. Treating your girlfriend with respect is vital to keeping her this time around. Listen when she speaks, ask for her opinion before making big decisions, and validate her feelings when she shares them with you. Respect means everything from keeping her secrets, to not flirting with other girls, to never speaking ill of her to other people. Respect and trust go hand in hand, so make sure to never make her doubt where you stand on either!^{[14]
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If giving her plenty of attention was never a problem in your previous relationship, great—keep it up! If it was a problem, then you’ve definitely got to step up your game. Whether it’s picking up a thoughtful treat for her, taking her out on a date, or simply Netflix and chilling together on the couch while she shows you her latest true crime obsession, it’s essential that she knows that she has your undivided attention when you’re together. And when you’re not together, be sure to text her, compliment her, and show her that you’re still thinking about her in those moments, too.^{[15]
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Don't overthink it. Though you should be conscious of the mistakes you made, you cannot obsess over them, or you will doom your relationship to failure before it has a chance to start off on the right foot. If a bad situation arises, you can remember what happened the last time and proceed with caution, but don't constantly worry about messing things up, or you won't be able to truly enjoy your time together. Moore encourages you to remember what the relationship was like when you two first met, and to try to replicate those butterflies: “Remembering why you clicked and loved each other in the beginning can go a long way toward getting back together again.”^{[16]
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Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- For example, was there a favorite restaurant that the two of you used to go to that you can bring her to again? Or maybe the two of you bonded over a mutual love for certain musical artists, books, or art. Whatever it was, bring it back!
- Try not to worry too much about messing things up. Be present and stay positive.
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Create romantic moments. Romance doesn’t always mean red roses and fancy dinners. Romance can also be as simple as going on a sunset walk with her or arranging for a picnic at the park with all her favorite little treats. Make her a playlist of songs that remind you of her and ask her to dance in a candlelit kitchen. Go watch the airplanes take off, making up silly stories about where they’re headed, imagining your own bright and vast futures together. After all, the root of romance is connection. Here are some other romantic ideas for you to try:^{[17]
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- Learn to cook their favorite meal for them
- Take a class together, like pottery, pizza-making, or ballroom dancing
- Pull them in for a kiss in the rain
- Print and frame photos of you two
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Remember to be yourself. If you needed to make a dramatic change (for the better) to be in the relationship, then so be it, but you shouldn't walk around on eggshells because you're so set on making up for whatever hurt you caused that you can't relax. In the end, your girl started dating you the first time because of who you are, so don't forget to let her see the parts of your personality that she loved the most.^{[18]
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- If you feel like you can't be yourself without causing a major problem in the relationship, then you have to rethink your priorities.
- Have confidence. Remember that she loves you.