135 Funny, Witty & Sarcastic Facebook Status Ideas

Facebook is a great place to share updates about your life—and your sense of humor. If you want to get more likes and comments on your Facebook statuses, try sharing a clever or sarcastic joke your friends will relate to. If you’re having trouble coming up with something yourself, we’ve got you covered. In this article, we’ve gathered all the best witty, clever, and funny Facebook status ideas that will have you and your friends laughing nonstop.

Top Picks: Hilarious Facebook Status Ideas

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.”
“Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.”
“I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I now live in constant fear.”
“My wallet is like an onion—when I open it, it makes me cry.”
“You look like I need a drink.”

Section 1 of 9:

Best Funny Facebook Statuses

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Make all your Facebook friends laugh with a funny status. We may think of Facebook as a site for sharing updates about our lives, but it’s also okay to have a bit of fun now and then. If you’re in the mood for a laugh, share a funny joke or saying as your status. Here are some examples:^{[1]
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- “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
- “I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.”
- “Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.”
- “I like eating Nerds because I’m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel. Nerds take the edge off.”
- “I’m like an avocado: I’m only pleasant for a short period of time, and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.”
- “Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).”
- “My wallet is like an onion—when I open it, it makes me cry.”
- “I could really go for a pinata right about now. I’d love to beat the crap out of something and then have some candy.”
- “I hope this email doesn’t find you. I hope you’ve escaped and are free.”
- “It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.”
- “The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.”
- “Everyone I know is a ‘snack getting stuck in a vending machine’ away from total collapse.”
- “Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep. Can I offer a selection of your worst memories?”
- “Humans are 75% water—basically cucumbers with anxiety.”
- “I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10 to 2 instead.”

Section 2 of 9:

Statuses That Get Likes & Comments

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Get your friends to interact with a hilarious post. If you’re looking for more engagement on your Facebook page, post something funny that’s sure to get a lot of comments and likes. Try something that’s funny and relatable to boost your interactions. Here are some examples:
- “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
- “Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.”
- “I hate it when I'm singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.”
- “You look like I need a drink.”
- “That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.”
- “May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.”
- “Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more birthdays live longer.”
- “Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.”
- “A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!”
- “It hurts when you go to unfriend someone, and you find they've beaten you to it!”
- “The first five days after the weekend are always hard.”
- “Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.”
- “I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.”
- “If your food blog requires me to read more than two sentences to get to the recipe, I’m ordering a pizza.”
- “I have a crush on 28 of you. Figure it out.”

Section 3 of 9:

Clever Facebook Statuses

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Let everyone know how funny you are with a clever status. Come up with a clever and creative Facebook status to show your friends how quick-witted you are. Try to come up with a play on words or post a status that others will find relatable. Here are some examples:^{[2]
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- “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”
- “Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.”
- “How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery?’”
- “Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.”
- “If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.”
- “In honor of the winter solstice, I will also be cold, distant, and filled with darkness.”
- “The Supreme Court is like regular court, except it comes with sour cream and tomatoes.”
- “You didn't notice that that I used a word twice in this sentence.”
- “Gonna start a page called Older Fans, where it’s just me telling everyone what hurts today and what miniscule task I was doing that caused the pain.”
- “I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
- “When people tell me “you’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.”
- “I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.”
- “I make 6 figures, but the zeroes are in the front.”
- “If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.”
- “Do one thing every day that scares you. Text someone first. Ask your crush to hang out. Pick a fight with a raccoon. The only one stopping you is yourself.”

Section 4 of 9:

Sarcastic Facebook Statuses

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Show your Facebook friends that you’re fluent in sarcasm. Sometimes, people may try to start drama on Facebook, and instead of engaging, it’s often better to brush it off with a joke instead. Post a sarcastic status to show that you’re unbothered and funny. Here are some examples:^{[3]
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- “There is one word that describes people that don't like me: irrelevant.”
- “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”
- “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
- “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe.”
- “The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.”
- “They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.”
- “My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.”
- “Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.”
- “Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man, ruin it yourself.”
- “Telling me you're going to unfollow me is like announcing you're leaving a party you weren't even invited to.”
- “This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog”
- “When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.”
- “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.”

Section 5 of 9:

Witty Facebook Statuses

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Make a witty remark to show people your sense of humor. Some of the best jokes are quick and witty, as they show people you’re funny and smart. Here are some great witty statuses to try the next time you’re bored on Facebook:^{[4]
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- “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
- “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”
- “Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.”
- “I can resist anything, except temptation.”
- “It’s called gross pay because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.”
- “Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.”
- “I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I now live in constant fear.”
- “I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.”
- “They say I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll just see about that.”
- “The bird flu? I hope so.”
- “A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.”
- “Never forget where you came from because that’s probably where you left your phone.”
- “Feeling sad today…. Can everyone please send cute photos of your credit cards front and back?”
- “Fake laughing with customers is actually a skill, and we should be allowed to add it to our resumes.”
- “Dear autocorrect: It’s never ‘duck.’”

Section 6 of 9:

Funny Facebook Status One-Liners

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Tell a short, funny joke to make people smile. One-liners are great because they work well in person or in writing. Show off your wit with a quick joke that will likely get a laugh (or at least a snort) out of your friends. Here are some examples:^{[5]
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- “I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.”
- “My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.”
- “I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.”
- “I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.”
- “Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.”
- “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
- “I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’”
- “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.”
- “I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.”
- “I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.”
- “I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.”
- “I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.”
- “I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.”
- “The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.”
- “Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?”

Section 7 of 9:

Funny Facebook Statuses About Life

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Make a relatable post about life to get your friends laughing. While there are many great things about life, it’s totally normal to complain now and then, especially when you turn your complaint into a clever one-liner. Make a joke about any aspect of life, including working, being tired, getting old, etc. The possibilities are endless, but here are some examples to get you started:^{[6]
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- “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”
- “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.”
- “I need a six-month vacation twice a year.”
- “Anybody who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any.”
- “Sometimes, you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!”
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
- “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence—then success is sure.”
- “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
- “Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.”
- “Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.”
- “It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don’t go out.”
- “Apparently, ‘the vibes are off’ isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.”
- “The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.”
- “Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.”
- “Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out for you, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.”

Section 8 of 9:

Funny Facebook Statuses About Love

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Make a joke about your love life. Many people can relate to jokes about marriage, relationships, or being single, so sharing a status about love is a great way to get people to interact with your page. This can be about your own love life or a hilarious statement about relationships in general. Here are some examples:^{[7]
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- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
- “You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.”
- “I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.”
- “I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.”
- “Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
- “You add meaning to my life, and yet you subtract some cash from my wallet.”
- “Stop waiting for your prince on a white horse. Go and find him. The poor man might be lost or stuck on an island or something.”
- “What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”
- “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
- “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.”
- “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
- “I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.”
- “Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.”
- “Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to ‘Unstable.’”

Section 9 of 9:

Funny Facebook Status Quotes

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Share a funny quote from a comedian or celebrity. If you’re having trouble coming up with your own joke or clever line, borrow someone else’s. These funny quotes are well-known for a reason, and they’ll likely get you a bunch of engagement on Facebook. Here are some examples:^{[8]
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- “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
- “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres
- “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel
- “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” — Sheldon Cooper
- “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” — George Carlin
- “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom
- “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” — Groucho Marx
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
- “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain
- “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde
- “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” — Noel Coward
- “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson
- “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
- “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov