Am I Self-Gaslighting?

Take this quiz to find out!

Did you know it's possible to gaslight yourself? It looks a little different from standard gaslighting, but it's got all the hallmarks: doubt, denial, confusion, and a whole lot of anxiety. Sound familiar? We're here to help you figure out if you're standing in your own way.

Just answer a few simple questions, and we'll tell you if you might be gaslighting yourself.

Disclaimer: This quiz is not meant to be a diagnostic tool and shouldn't be used as one. Always see a licensed medical professional to address any mental health concerns.

An illustration of a woman biting her nail with question marks around her head.

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Questions Overview

1. When someone gives you a compliment, how do you usually feel?
  1. Grateful. That was kind of them!
  2. Annoyed. It's just empty words.
  3. Depressed. I wish I believed them.
  4. Proud. I worked hard for it!
  5. Conflicted. It doesn't feel quite right...
2. When you think about your goals and dreams, you feel...
  1. Excited or motivated. I'm ready to chase them!
  2. Nothing. I don't have any goals.
  3. Dejected. Like I'll never get there.
  4. Frustrated. I've worked so hard already. Why hasn't it worked?
3. When you see someone doing better than you in life, how do you feel?
  1. Inspired. If they can do it, so can I!
  2. Jealous. That should be me.
  3. Meh. It's none of my business.
  4. Suspicious. They must be cheating, or something.
4. When you see someone having a hard time, how do you feel?
  1. Relieved. At least someone has it worse than me.
  2. Scared. That could be me, if I'm not careful.
  3. Sad. I want to help them somehow.
  4. Vindicated. They must have deserved it, somehow.
5. When someone is rude to you or says something unkind, how do you feel?
  1. Accepting. They're probably right.
  2. Defiant. They don't know me.
  3. Uncaring. That's not my problem.
  4. Uncertain. Maybe I really did do something wrong...
6. When you look in the mirror, your first reaction is...
  1. Positive
  2. Neutral
  3. Negative
7. When something goes wrong, you...
  1. Brush it off and keep going. It happens!
  2. Stop and ask myself what went wrong and why.
  3. Slow down, or even give up. It's hard to want to keep going.
  4. Blame myself. I'm not surprised. I always mess things up.
8. How do you usually handle negative thoughts about yourself?
  1. I remind myself they're not true. It's just my mind playing tricks.
  2. I hang out with friends or get some assurance from someone else.
  3. I practice and train my mind to prove myself wrong.
  4. Honestly? Idk. It's hard, and they tend to get the better of me.
9. When you feel a negative emotion, like embarrassment or disappointment, you...
  1. Feel my feelings, then pick myself up.
  2. Lean into it. It feels kind of good to feel bad.
  3. Ignore it or distract myself. I don't want to think about it.
  4. Question and analyze it. Maybe I could learn from it.
10. If someone offered to help you right now, what would you say?
  1. "Thank you! Here's what I need..."
  2. "No thanks. I don't need any help."
  3. "Thanks! I'll think about it and let you know."
  4. "Nah, forget it. I've given up on that, anyway."

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How to Stop Gaslighting Yourself

Self-gaslighting is a powerful form of self-doubt and denial that stops you from doing or achieving the things you really want. It might be kick-started by a failure, or just a spiral into uncertainty. We talked to the experts to show you what to do about it:

  • Clinical psychologist Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD, tells us that "It is important to acknowledge what has created the disappointment, identify what or how you could have done things differently, and use the experience as a learning opportunity for self-growth instead of self-shame."[1]
  • Certified life coach Sydney Axelrod says that, instead of being hard on yourself, "A more helpful belief might be that I am enough or X, Y, or Z. And start to practice living into that [...] fake it till you make it." Tell yourself your own positive qualities and focus on living up to and into them.[2]
  • Life coach, author, and speaker, Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA, says, "You may want to take a look at all the thoughts in your mind and see if they coincide with who you want to be and how you want to think of yourself versus this being something you've been told from the outside world."[3]
  • Master certified life coach Katie Stolp says, "Learning to trust yourself is the real secret. ...The more you keep even the smallest of promises to yourself, the more you build self-trust that will last longer than any burst of motivation."[4]
  • Life coach Sixu Chen tells us, "Self-doubt mostly comes from the lack of self-understanding. ...By going through the different aspects of self, understanding their talents, their skills, their passion and value... [one becomes] confident about themselves."[5]

Want to learn more?

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References

  1. ↑ Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Sydney Axelrod. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach, Author, and Speaker. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Katie Stolp. Master Certified Coach. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ Sixu Chen. Life Coach. Expert Interview