How to Spot the Signs of the Friend Zone (And How to Get Out)

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There’s nothing wrong with being just friends, but that doesn’t make it easier when you want to be more than that. But how can you tell if it’s actually the friend zone, or if you’re just misreading the signs? We talked to dating coaches to show you the top signs you’re in the friend zone, as well as how to get out of it, and how to live your best life when you’re in it.

Finding Out if You’re Friend-Zoned

Dating coach Erika Kaplan says you might be in the friend zone if the person talks to you about their dating life, asks you for romantic advice about other people, and doesn’t show any romantic interest back. They might only hang out with you in a group or use platonic nicknames, like “bro” or “buddy,” too.

Section 1 of 3:

Signs You’re in the Friend Zone

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  1. Step 1 They dodge your advances, or they don’t flirt back.
    If your crush “doesn’t show any romantic effort back, that’s usually a sign you’re in the friend zone,” says Kaplan.[1] Dating coach Connell Barret tells us the best way to find out is to be direct and clear, and to let them know that you like them. Then, he says their response will tell you everything you need to know: They’ll either agree, or they’ll tell you that they don’t see you like that.[2]
    • You might say, “Hey, I like you more than a friend. How do you feel about that?”
    • If that seems like too much, you could always flirt a little and see if they flirt back. If they seem awkward or change the subject, you’re a friend.
    • For example, you could say, “I bet you’d make a great boyfriend/girlfriend!” or, “Your next boyfriend/girlfriend will be so lucky.

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker with over 6 years of experience helping singles find quality matches.

    Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert with over five years of experience who helps men connect with women by unlocking their most confident selves.

    Christina Jay, NLP, is a Matchmaker and founder of Preferred Match, a matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals.

    Alessandra Conti is a Celebrity Matchmaker and Dating Coach, and is a Matchmaker behind MTV's, “Are You The One.”

  2. Step 2 You’re barely ever alone together.
    According to Kaplan, you’re likely in the Friend Zone if you only hang out with your crush in a group, rather than one-on-one.[3] Dating and relationship coach Christina Jay, NLP, adds that being alone together gives opportunities for more romantic vibes.[4] If you're always trying to get your crush alone so you can turn your relationship into something more, while they always end up inviting the whole gang, then it's a sign that your crush does not see you taking your relationship to a romantic level.[5]
    • This doesn't mean that a relationship will never happen, but it does mean that, for now, it is not in a romantic place.
    • If your crush sees you as a romantic prospect, then they would be looking for excuses to be alone with you, not trying to make it so you're never alone together.
    • That said, if you still barely know each other, they might just want to get to know you in a more casual setting first.
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  3. Step 3 You’re the person they always come to with their problems.
    If you are your crush's go-to person whenever something goes wrong, then you may be in the Friend Zone. If your crush likes you back, then there will sometimes be an element of mystery in your relationship, and also an element of excitement. If your crush tells you every little thing on their mind or every little problem they have, then your crush isn't trying to impress you or cover things up, and this is probably because they see you as a friend.[6]
  4. Step 4 They talk about the other people they like romantically.
    If your crush consistently talks to you about their dating life or asks for your advice about other people, Kaplan says you’re probably in the Friend Zone.[7] For instance, your crush might go on and on about how much they like their cute coworker or how much they want a new girl in school to ask her out. If the person asks you for advice again and again and never once thinks that you might be interested, it means that they probably don’t see you romantically, but instead see you as a good friend.[8]
    • However, if you hear them saying things like, "None of the guys in my class are as good as you..." Or, "I just feel like I'll never find the right person..." then this may be a hint that you're the one.
    • Some people tend to treat their crushes like really good friends. This indicates a level of trust that is healthy in both romantic and platonic relationships.
  5. Step 5 They have friendly, platonic nicknames for you.
    If your crush uses language that is more sibling-like than flirty, they may only see you as a friend, explains Kaplan.[9] For instance, they might give you cute but corny nicknames, such as “Bro,” “Dude,” "Buddy," "Brother," "Sister," "Champ," "Slugger," or "Kiddo," because that’s how they see you—as a bro or a pal, not a lover. This doesn't mean that the person will never be able to see you romantically, but that, right now, you are firmly entrenched in the Bro-Zone.[10]
  6. Step 6 You’re the one helping them through breakups.
    It takes a special connection to talk about love and breakups, and that connection isn’t usually romantic.[11] If the person you like just got dumped and you're the one consoling them with a tub of ice cream and a shoulder to cry on, it means that you’re the good friend, not the lover. If you're the one saying things like, "You can do so much better..." and "How could anyone not want to be with you?" then you are definitely just a friend.
    • Don’t get us wrong, it’s a huge honor! It means you occupy a special place in this person’s life, and that they trust you.
  7. Step 7 They’re comfortable dressing or undressing around you.
    This is another thing “special friends” often do, when you’re super close to them but no in a romantic way.[12] If they dress in front of you without any romantic undertones, they are probably not attracted to you and may assume you are not at all attracted to them. If you're heading to the pool together, at the beach together, or just hanging out, and your crush does this without thinking twice, then you may be in the Friend Zone. It means they feel safe enough around you to be vulnerable in a way they might not if they were into you.
    • If your crush changes around you or wears more revealing clothes around you, like if you're at the beach, pay attention to how they act when this happens.
    • Does the guy you like look down at his chest when he takes his shirt off? Does the girl you like nervously adjust her swimsuit when you're at the beach together? If so, then they may be feeling a bit self-conscious in your presence.
  8. Step 8 You've shared a bed without taking part in any cuddling or holding hands.
    This is friend, or even sibling, behavior. If you find yourself in the same bed with your crush and you're on opposite ends, or perfectly comfortable splaying out on the bed, then you are in the Friend Zone. It’s intimate, but there’s no touching or signals that it’s anything more than pals sharing space.[13] Though this may not happen too often, it's an opportunity to see where your relationship really stands.
    • If your crush wears dorky pajamas or their retainer, then it's even more likely that you're in the Friend Zone. If your crush seems to have no incentive to look sexy around you, then it's most likely because they only see you as a friend.
  9. Step 9 Their family knows you as their friend.
    If the family asks why you two haven't started a relationship, you are probably in the Friend Zone, because you are a couple in every way except romantically and sexually. If your crush has special feelings for you, then having you meet their family would be considered a big deal. On the other hand, if they had feelings for you, they might not tell their family much about you. If you’re a friend, though, they probably feel comfortable discussing you with their family.
    • Of course, you should keep in mind that feelings do change. Maybe you met your crush's family a long time ago, and they've only just now started having feelings for you.
  10. Step 10 They’re perfectly comfortable around you.
    This is another sign that you are in the Friend Zone. If your relationship is romantic, then your crush will be nervous around you, at least to an extent. They will fidget occasionally, laugh when nothing is funny, or go out of their way to impress you. If your crush only sees you as a friend, then they won't care about their appearance or about how they come off. It means they’re totally comfortable around you in a way they wouldn’t be if they were also crushing on you.[14]
    • If you never detect any nervousness, preening, or worry whatsoever when you're together, then you are probably just a friend.
    • If your crush says anything without censoring themself, backtracking, or wondering how they come off, then you are most likely just friends.
    • Check out how your crush dresses when you hang out. If you get the sense that they haven't tried to look nice, wear makeup, or put on cute clothes around you, then it could be that they think of you as just being friends.
  11. Step 11 They try to set you up with other people.
    This is another dead giveaway that you're in the Friend Zone. If the girl you like is always telling you about the cute girl in her math class or her cute second cousin that you'd be perfect for, then this is a big sign. It means they want what’s best for you, but that they don’t think your future is with them as a partner.
    • This may even be the person's way of hinting that you should direct your romantic feelings elsewhere. It could be a gentle, subtle sign that it won’t work out between you.
  12. Step 12 You always end up doing what your crush wants to do.
    If the person you like really likes you, then they’ll go out of their way to do the things you want to do, whether it's going hiking or watching a baseball game. But if you always get roped into only doing what they want to do, then it may be because they don't care about impressing you.[15] Ask yourself: when was the last time you got your crush to do something that you actually wanted to do?
  13. Step 13 You do a lot of favors for them.
    If you find yourself walking your crush's dog, picking up lunch for them when they’re having a busy day, or giving them a ride to school, then your relationship is probably not romantic. If you're already an errand runner for this person, then you are definitely not on your way to dating.[16] If your crush had romantic feelings for you, then they wouldn't ask you to help them out in non-romantic ways all the time.
    • That said, if you’re always doing favors for each other and it’s a two-way street, that’s a good sign! It doesn’t mean you’re not friend-zoned, but it does mean that they care.
  14. Step 14 They only make platonic physical contact, like casual hugs.
    If the person you like returns your romantic feelings, then you'll probably be touching each other a fair amount, whether you're playfully hitting each other or finding other excuses to graze arms or fingers. If you never end up touching each other, even when it's easy to do so, such as when you're sharing the same menu, then it may be because your crush just doesn't think of you that way.[17]
    • However, if you like a guy who treats you like one of the bros, then there may be a fair amount of touching. See if he touches you the same way he touches your friends, like pats on the shoulder or fist bumps.
    • Test this out by finding an excuse to lightly graze your crush's arm or go in for a hug and see if they hesitate or look uncomfortable.
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Section 2 of 3:

Getting Out of the Friend Zone

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  1. Step 1 Tell your crush how you honestly feel when you’re alone together.
    “The best way to shift the dynamic is by being clear and direct about your feelings, instead of hoping they’ll just ‘get it,’” says Kaplan.[18] Dating coach Alessandra Conti agrees, saying, “There’s no need to beat around the bush.”[19] Being honest leaves no room for misinterpretation or gray areas, and you’ll get your answer. Wait until you have a private moment, then:
    • Say, “Hey, I think I like you more than a friend. How do you feel about that?” or, “I think I’m developing feelings for you and I wanted you to know.”
    • Or, “ask them on a date,” Conti says.[20] Then, they’ll have the opportunity to make it romantic or platonic by saying, “Sure, as friends!” Just make sure you use the word “date” when you ask them.
    • They’ll appreciate your honesty and, even if you stay friends, your relationship will be stronger because of it.
    • For a slightly more indirect approach, Kaplan suggests that you “show them another side of you, whether that’s planning a more intentional one-on-one outing [or] being a little more playful or flirty.”[21]
  2. Step 2 Let them know there’s no pressure.
    The key to not making it weird is making sure that they know it’s low-stakes, and that you’ll accept their response, whatever it is.[22] When you tell them about your feelings, say, “This doesn’t have to change anything between us, but I thought I should give it a try anyway.” That way, the ball is in their court, but they don’t have to do anything with it, if they don’t want to.
    • At this point, avoid flirting or trying to “win” them until they give you an answer. It could just make things weird. Let them decide!
  3. Step 3 Accept their response.
    The truth is that you can’t make someone like you, and you can’t force yourself out of the Friend Zone. Accept their response, no matter what they say.[23] If they say they’re down to explore romance, great! You’ve escaped the Friend Zone. But if they say they’d rather stay just friends, say, “That’s alright! I’m happy to have you in my life. Thanks for being honest with me.”
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Section 3 of 3:

Accepting the Friend Zone

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  1. 1
    Acknowledge the clarity you received. To cope with being in the Friend Zone, Kaplan says, “It helps to reframe it as clarity—now you know where you stand, and you don’t have to waste energy on mixed signals or wondering ‘what if.’” That simple knowledge can be really liberating, she explains.[24]
  2. Step 2 Start looking for love elsewhere.
    After you’ve accepted that you’re in the Friend Zone, Kaplan suggests that you “give yourself permission to move forward and meet someone who’s excited about you in the same way you’re excited about them.”[25] Conti agrees and says, “Don't waste your time” pursuing someone you can’t have.[26] It’s not fair to either of you to just wait around for them to change their mind. Instead, getting out into the dating pool will help you move on and find the person for you instead of lingering on something that won’t work.
    • Feel free to talk to your friend about your new dating adventure! Keeping them in the loop can help make things less awkward between you, since it signals that you’ve moved on but still value them as a friend.
  3. Step 3 Appreciate the relationship you do have with them.
    The thing about the Friend Zone is that it makes it sound like friendship is somehow less valuable than a romantic relationship, and that’s just not true.[27] This person might make a great friend for you, but would never have made a good partner, and that doesn’t mean they don’t mean a lot to you! Take time to appreciate your relationship as it is instead of dwelling on what “might have been.”
    • For example, they can do things as your friend that they can’t do as your partner, like talk to you about your dating life.
    • Kaplan agrees that focusing on enjoying the friendship for what it is can help you accept and cope with being in the Friend Zone.[28]
  4. Step 4 Get some distance if you can’t be just friends.
    If it hurts to see them or to think of them, that’s okay, and it’s totally natural to want some space. This helps you both sort out your feelings, and you can keep being friends later when the dust has settled.[29] In the meantime, focus on your other friendships, and ask yourself what you’re looking for in a romance so that you can recognize love when it finds you.
    • For example, say, “Thanks for being honest about your feelings. I really appreciate it. I think I need some time to myself to think through my own thoughts, but I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk again!”
    • This might mean making some boundaries, too, like not talking about romance together.
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Join the Discussion...

How do I get out of the dreaded friend zone?
WikiGopherJumper245
WikiGopherJumper245
I’m a guy and I have been best friends with this girl since childhood. I’ve always kind of had a little bit of a crush on her, and I think she might have had a little bit of a crush on me too, but nothing has ever happened. What can I do to get out of the friend zone and ask her out? I’m really worried about rejection or getting into hot water if I make the wrong move, so what should I do?
Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
That’s a great question, and I get why it feels tricky. In my book, Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating, I talk about the importance of confidence and clear communication in relationships. Try subtly shifting the dynamic by complimenting her in a way that goes beyond friendship, suggesting a more date-like activity, or playfully mentioning the idea of you two as a couple to gauge her reaction. If she responds positively, build on it. If not, you’ll have your answer without risking much. When the time feels right, you can say, “I’ve always valued our friendship, but I’d be lying if I said I never wondered what it would be like to date you. Have you ever thought about that?” This keeps it honest while leaving space for her comfort.
Anonymous WikiLemming
Anonymous WikiLemming
To move out of the friend zone, start by subtly testing the waters — give her compliments that go beyond what you'd typically say to a friend and suggest spending time together one-on-one. Gauge her reactions to see if she might be open to more, and if you feel the time is right, honestly express your feelings in a low-pressure way, making it clear that you value the friendship no matter her response. Be prepared for any outcome, respecting her feelings whether or not she feels the same, and always prioritize open communication to avoid any tension in your relationship. The key is to be honest, patient, and understanding, and to handle whatever happens with maturity.
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  • Question
    How can I get my crush to see me as more than a friend?
    Christina Jay, NLP
    Christina Jay, NLP
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.
    Christina Jay, NLP
    Christina Jay, NLP
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    I recommend asking them out on a friendly date. Try asking them if they'd like to grab a bite to eat with you. If it's just the two of you, it may evolve into something more.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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References

  1. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-closeness/201802/5-signs-couple-falling-the-friend-zone
  6. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you
  7. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you
  9. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-closeness/201802/5-signs-couple-falling-the-friend-zone
  2. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you
  3. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-closeness/201802/5-signs-couple-falling-the-friend-zone
  5. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you
  6. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqWbrCLZ8l4&t=270s
  7. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqWbrCLZ8l4&t=270s
  8. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqWbrCLZ8l4&t=224s
  9. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  10. ↑ Alessandra Conti. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  11. ↑ Alessandra Conti. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  12. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  13. ↑ https://teenspeak.org/2013/04/01/getting-friend-zoned-a-guys-survival-guide/
  14. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/the-myth-of-the-friend-zone/
  15. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  16. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  17. ↑ Alessandra Conti. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  18. ↑ https://www.theline.org.au/dating/how-to-avoid-the-friendzone/
  19. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  20. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/the-myth-of-the-friend-zone/

About This Article

Christina Jay, NLP
Co-authored by:
Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
This article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University. This article has been viewed 957,020 times.
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Co-authors: 37
Updated: October 20, 2025
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Categories: Dating
Article SummaryX

The best way to find out if you’re in the Friend Zone is to think about the conversations you have with your crush. If your crush goes on and on about who they like, then they’ve definitely put you in the Friend Zone. Another way to tell is to see if they have any corny nicknames for you like “Buddy,” “Brother,” or “Sister.” While this doesn’t necessarily mean that the person will never see you romantically, they aren’t interested right now. In addition to what your crush is saying, take note of how they act around you. If your crush is comfortable getting dressed around you or you’ve shared a bed without getting close, you’re probably in the Friend Zone. For more help, like how to tell if your crush is flirting with you or not, read on!

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