How to Meet a Girlfriend Online: Beginner’s Dating Guide

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Dating and relationship coach Donna Barnes explains how to use dating sites, apps & more to find someone special

Co-authored by Donna Barnes and Amy Bobinger, BA

Last Updated: March 10, 2026 Fact Checked

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Meeting Potential Dates Online

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Messaging Girls You Meet Online

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Meeting In-Person for a Date

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Building a More Serious Relationship

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Expert Video

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Tips

When you’re looking for love, the internet can be a great place to get a girlfriend. Going online allows you to connect with people who share your interests, and you can build a relationship at your own pace. We’re bringing you expert tips covering everything you need to know about meeting people online, how to get to know each other, and moving the conversation offline.

What’s the best way to meet a girlfriend online?

Dating and relationship coach Donna Barnes says to get a girlfriend online, try joining a dating site or app to meet people. Make a profile and look for local women who would match your personality well. If you match with someone, exchange a few messages to see if you like them, then arrange an in-person meeting.

Section 1 of 4:

Meeting Potential Dates Online

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1
Use online dating sites and apps to meet interested girls. Dating sites and apps are the first place you could look for romantic relationships. Online dating is perfect because everyone there is looking for love, and you can read the profiles to determine whether someone would be a good match. Message someone and chat for a while to get to know them, then arrange to meet up in-person.^{[1]
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- Popular dating sites and apps include Tinder, Bumble, Match, Hinge, eHarmony, and Coffee Meets Bagel.
- Be honest in your dating profile. Dating coach Suzanna Mathews says, “It’s always better to be honest on your dating profile. Highlight the amazing characteristics that you do feel confident about, and downplay the ones you don’t feel as good about.”^{[2]
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  Suzanna Mathews
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- Keep an open mind. Even if you might not click one hundred percent with someone's profile, you might connect with them after messaging.
- Don't underestimate the importance of good profile pictures. Get some high-resolution photos that really show off your appearance. Avoid common mistakes like group shots or photos where you're wearing sunglasses and hats.
- Get a second opinion: Dating coach Lisa Shield says, “Women and men think differently, so have a friend—preferably a girl that you respect—look over your profile before you publish it.”^{[3]
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  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- Reader Poll: We asked 546 wikiHow readers who've met girls online, and 49% of them agreed that the most attractive profile picture to use is an attractive selfie that shows off your good side. [Take Poll]
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Connect through special interest sites. Many people find their partner through websites promoting what they love. If you're into a certain sport, TV series, or hobby, join a website for fans of that thing. As you chat with other members, pay attention to whether anyone catches your eye. If so, message her so you can get to know her on a personal level.
- Meeting someone through hobbies can feel more natural. Psychologist Sarah Schewitz says, “Dating sites can be draining, and sometimes they feel like a lot of work. Instead, live your life and do what you love—find hobbies that bring you joy. If you meet somebody doing something like that, you already have a spiritual interest.”^{[4]
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  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
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- Reddit, Facebook Groups, and Discord can be a great place to find a community centered around something you’re passionate about.
- You can also find sites dedicated to particular specialties—like Ravelry if you love knitting, Goodreads if you’re passionate about literature, or MyAnimeList if you’re a manga fan.^{[5]
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Explore online gaming sites. As outlandish as it may initially seem, some people find their significant others through virtual reality sites like Fortnite, Overwatch, or World of Warcraft.^{[6]
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Research source} Talk to other players and get to know them. If you click with one of the players, ask if you can message them on another platform, like Steam, Discord, or social media.
- Focus mainly on gaming. Most girls on gaming sites join because they love to game, not because they’re looking for dates. But if you do meet a girl who loves the same games as you, it could be a sign you’ll have more in common, so it might be worth getting to know her.
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Sign up for alumni clubs through your school. Some universities offer online social groups for those who graduated. Others are started up on social media websites by former students. Google alumni groups for the university you went to and get to know others in the group. You never know: you might connect with an alumnus nearby.
- Date idea: If you’re interested in someone you meet in an alumni club, ask her to go with you to an event like the homecoming football game or an on-campus concert.

Section 2 of 4:

Messaging Girls You Meet Online

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Don't overshare in the first messages. Take your time opening up to someone you’ve just met online. It’s fine to talk about what you do for a living (no complaining about work!), your hobbies and interests, and other light-hearted details. But avoid deep dives into your personal history until you get to know each other better—including family drama or the details of ugly breakups.
- Don’t share personal or financial information with people you meet online. Dating coach Collette Gee says, “There are a lot of catfish for both men and women online. Never give personal information like your home address or your work phone to anyone online ever, even if you’re meeting them for a date.”^{[7]
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  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  
  Expert Interview}
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Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions. In online dating, original and open-ended questions will give you more responses than a simple, "How are you?" Open-ended questions (ones that can't be answered by just "yes" or "no") are ideal because you'll get to know the other person more quickly. And try to personalize the questions based on what you noticed about them—think about what made you interested in the first place.^{[8]
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- If you met them via online dating sites: Read their profile and craft questions based on their likes.
- If you met them on another site: Ask questions based on what you already know about them. For example, ask someone you met on an online gaming website how they got into gaming. Ask someone you met on an alumni group what they majored in and what they're up to now.
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Give compliments based on actions or personality traits. You may be tempted to tell a girl how beautiful her profile picture is, but instead, tell her you think it's awesome she's into soccer or that she has a great sense of humor. Compliments about inner beauty instead of outer beauty come across as more genuine.^{[9]
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- Men who send more general, personality-oriented compliments to potential dates over physical compliments receive more replies. People like to be complimented on who they are, not what they look like.^{[10]
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Schewitz says, “It’s really important to state your intentions when you’re dating, whether it’s online or in person. If you’re hoping to meet a spouse or lifelong partner, be upfront about that. That might scare off someone who isn’t looking for the same thing, but it clears space for the person who is on the same page.”^{[11]
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Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}
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Chat for a few days to a week before meeting up. Spend time getting to know each other before you decide to meet up. The more you know each other, the higher your potential to click in real life will be. Go with the flow, and when you feel comfortable with her, suggest meeting up in person.^{[12]
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- Avoid time-wasters. Gee says, “If you’re going back and forth talking to someone online and they’re hesitant about meeting up for coffee, they’re wasting your time. They might not have any intention of meeting you and could even be a scammer.”^{[13]
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  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  
  Expert Interview}
- Consider letting her suggest an in-person meeting. Some women may feel nervous meeting a stranger in person, and letting her decide will give her control over the situation.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Find a healthy balance when online dating. Try not to limit yourself to just dating over the internet. Now and then, take breaks from socials and dating apps and try meeting people in person.

Section 3 of 4:

Meeting In-Person for a Date

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1
Choose a public, social spot for your first meeting. Dating coach Joshua Pompey recommends, “When you’re meeting someone in person for the first time, pick a public, neutral spot where there are a lot of people. Don’t put yourself in isolated situations.”^{[14]
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Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert

Expert Interview}
- Try a low-stakes date. Gee says, “Daytime activities are great for first dates—think lunch, coffee, tea, pizza, museums, or popular hiking spots.”^{[15]
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  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  
  Expert Interview}
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Arrive on time and be polite. Showing up at the determined time will show her that you respect her. While you’re on the date, act in a way that’s respectful toward her—avoid making offensive jokes or accidentally insulting her. You want to make a good, thoughtful first impression.^{[16]
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- Don’t be overly affectionate. Pompey says, “If you’re a guy, you don’t want to be overly-aggressive or handsy. You can try small touches somewhere like the elbow, the hand, or the small of the back, but pay attention to whether she’s receptive to that.”^{[17]
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  Joshua Pompey
  Relationship Expert
  
  Expert Interview}
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Keep the conversation fun and lighthearted. For your first date, Pompey recommends, “Have some fun stories ready so you have something to fall back on in case there are any awkward silences. If you come in prepared and you have fun, it will make the transition to a first date that much easier.”^{[18]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert

Expert Interview}
- Avoid controversial topics. Steer away from topics that can turn heated or emotional, like deep debates about politics or religion or sharing too much about past relationships. It may be okay to lightly gloss over these topics, especially if you’re passionate about them, but follow up with something a little lighter.
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Stay in the moment. Don’t spend too much time worrying about a second date—you could accidentally sabotage any chemistry blossoming between you two. She agreed to meet up, so she's likely open to dating you. This date is time to see if you're mutually attracted to each other, so do your best to relax and enjoy the process.
- First-date body language tips: Gee says, “On a first date, focus on positive body language. Don’t cross your arms or spend too much time looking around the room or fidgeting. Smile at them and listen to what they’re saying, and make eye contact without staring at them.”^{[19]
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  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  
  Expert Interview}
- Remember, you don't look as anxious as you feel. People tend to overestimate the visibility of their own anxiety. If you don't feel confident, fake it until you make it.^{[20]
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Section 4 of 4:

Building a More Serious Relationship

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1
Follow up to see if she’s interested in another date. After the first date, don't retreat! Send her a a quick message thanking her for a good time. Later, ask her if she's interested in a second date. If she is, continue dating and communicating frequently, whether by text message or conversation in person.
- Don’t get discouraged if you don’t find a girlfriend right away. Sometimes it can take a few tries before you meet someone you really connect with. If the first person you meet declines, keep getting to know people and keep dating.
Emotional intimacy takes time to develop. As it blossoms, you'll find your relationship with her strengthening. As you continue going on dates, slowly get to know her on a deeper level. When you feel comfortable, share more personal thoughts and feelings with her. She may follow suit when she feels ready.^{[21]
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Make the relationship exclusive when you’re both ready. After you two have gone on multiple dates and gotten to know each other better, ask her whether she wants to start dating exclusively. If so, the two of you can set healthy boundaries and talk about where the relationship is going.^{[22]
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- Try to keep the conversation light and comfortable. Starting the conversation with, "What are we?" can make her feel anxious. Let her know that you care about her no matter what and that you'll respect her choice, even if she doesn't want to be in a relationship.
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Be kind and thoughtful if things don't work out. If she says she doesn't want to be your girlfriend, don't blame yourself. She may not be ready for commitment at this time, or the two of you might not connect romantically. Thank her for being honest and, if you feel comfortable, work to maintain a relationship as friends. Be kind and dignified, and respect her choices.
- Be honest about how you’re feeling. Sometimes, raw feelings may get in the way of keeping a friendship. If you need space to process your emotions, let her know.
- Don't give up! When you're ready, return to dating online. In time, you may find "the one."
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Treat this as an opportunity to expand your dating horizons. Try not to limit yourself to just dating over the internet. Now and then, take breaks from social media and dating apps and try meeting people in person. Changing things up can help you in the long run!

Expert Video

WIKIHOW EXPERT

Donna Barnes

Dating and Relationship Coach

Still have a question about this article? Donna Barnes can give you a personal answer based on your specific situation — for just $1.99.

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Tips

Avoid unregulated chat rooms when looking for dates. These are usually filled with unsavory people and are not great for meaningful relationships.

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Don't ignore women in person while you're looking online. You may find the person of your dreams where you least expect it.

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Open-mindedness goes a long way when dating online. Reach out to a variety of people, even if you're not romantically interested at first glance. Sometimes romantic attraction comes with time.

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