How do I tell if I'm in love?

Black Cat of Moonlight
12/05/25 5:24pm
So, I have dated two people, and for both of them, I felt no butterfly's and dreaded seeing them. I thought it's supposed to be the other way around. How do I know if they are the right person?
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Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
12/30/25 7:28pm
There is a reason that movies and songs constantly talk about love. It feels really good! So to answer your question, I believe most people would agree and say it feels really nice to be in love, especially in the beginning when your hormones are secreting dopamine and oxytocin.

But there is a difference between feeling in love and determining if that partner is the "right" person for you. Just because you love someone doesn't make them automatically right for you. We must remember that love isn't just a feeling, but a verb. In other words, do you feel loved back by your partner? Are they treating you kindly, respecting your needs, and do you feel like yourself around them, where you can also communicate openly? These are all important qualities to think about when determining if it's the right person for you.

I also believe strongly in trusting your gut; we have the answers deep within us. When you think about whether this is the "right" person for you, what comes up for you? We shouldn't have to convince ourselves if someone is right for us or make excuses for their behavior. It should feel like a natural yes.

I am a licensed clinical social worker providing general information for educational purposes only. I am not liable for any decisions made or actions taken based on the information provided.
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Nonbinary is real
12/15/25 8:09pm
You also could be aromantic, meaning you don't get romantic attraction.
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Albert18273
12/10/25 7:07pm
It is commonly portrayed in media that meeting "the right person" involves intense feelings like "butterflies" and an eagerness to see them. While some people experience this, it's also very common not to, and its absence doesn't automatically mean someone is wrong for you.
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