What Is the Three Month Rule of Dating? And Should You Follow It?

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Dating coach David Chambers explains what the 3-month dating rule is & if it really works

Co-authored by Luke Smith, MFA Reviewed by David Chambers

Last Updated: December 1, 2025 Fact Checked

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• 3-Month Rule Explained
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• Should I try it?
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• Following the 3-Month Rule
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• How to Make Your Relationship Last
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• Video
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• Tips

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You’re scrolling through TikTok when you come across #threemonthrule, and soon you fall down a rabbit hole of people talking about putting their partners on “probation.” What does that even mean? A lot can be learned about a person in 3 months, which is why the 3-month dating rule is an effective way to test the waters of a budding relationship. So, what does this probation period entail anyway? We’ll tell you all about it and if you should try it, and give you plenty of tips from dating coaches and matchmakers to help you find the one—and keep them.

What is the 3-month rule?

Dating coach David Chambers says the 3-month rule is a trial period where couples decide whether they should continue the relationship or not. During the 3 months, couples learn about each other’s likes, dislikes, and possible red flags. At the end, they discuss whether they want to pursue a long-term relationship.

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Section 1 of 5:

What’s the 3-month rule in dating?

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1. 
   In dating, the 3-month rule is a trial period for a potential partner. According to Chambers, the 3-month rule is when you give a relationship 3 full months to see if it’s right for you. First impressions aren’t always reliable when it comes to dating, which is why experts recommend getting to know someone before going steady. Think of the 3-month rule as a 90-day job evaluation. During this period, you date your partner while questioning their character, personality, values, and habits to see if they’d be a good match for you. The rule is a way to lower your expectations and examine any red flags that may pop up before making things exclusive.

   • With the rule, some couples prefer to keep things strictly hands-free, saving sex for after the probation period. This way, couples can focus on their emotional chemistry rather than their physical connection.
   • However, the rule isn’t hard and fast, and everyone has a different idea of what can happen during the 90 days—it all depends on you and your partner’s personal preferences.
   • For instance, some couples will announce that they're dating during the trial period, while others prefer to keep things on the down-low until the 90 days are up.
   • It’s hard to say where the rule started, but it’s been a staple of dating advice columns for years, and recently went viral on TikTok and other social media as a bit of romantic advice.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   David Chambers is a dating and relationship coach and founder of The Authentic Man, which helps men build deep and meaningful relationships.

   Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. She specializes in helping singles find love.

   Christina Jay, NLP, is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada with over 10 years of coaching experience.

   John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City with over 15 years of professional experience helping people find love.

   Kimberly Hill is a certified dating and relationship coach who helps singles get unstuck, elevate their dating experiences, and build meaningful connections.
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Section 2 of 5:

Should I try the 3-month rule?

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1. 
   The 3-month rule can help, but it isn’t for everyone. For people who tend to rush into relationships or out of relationships, the 3-month rule can be a great way to slow down and take your time. By 3 months in, you probably have a good grasp on who this person is and if they make you happy, and studies show that many relationships reach a crossroads at the 3-month mark. But the rule isn’t one-size-fits-all, and not everyone will find it useful. Relationship timelines are different for everyone, and you shouldn’t rely on a catchy “rule” from the internet to shape your own relationship.

   • For example, you might know from the very first date that you’re not into someone. You don’t have to stay with them for 3 months just to find out for sure.
   • On the other hand, you might sorta like someone but not fall totally in love with them until more than 3 months in. Every relationship is different, and it’s important to do what feels right, first and foremost.
   • Use the 3-month rule if you’re not sure about someone after the first few dates, or if you worry about rushing through dating, but always feel free to bend the rule or ditch it if it’s not working.
   • According to Chambers, the 3-month rule works most of the time, but he does note that there is some nuance. For example:
     • Chambers says people who are in their 20s might give the relationship up to 6 months to see how it goes, since younger people tend to have “more time to burn.”
     • Chambers says people in their 30s and 40s might “only be willing to wait 6 weeks to see if the relationship is right.”

Section 3 of 5:

How to Follow the 3-Month Rule

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1. 
   1
   Think of what you want and need from a relationship. Before starting a relationship and following the 3-month rule, it’s important to figure out what you desire in a partner. Wants and needs are different things, and having an idea of what you’re looking for can help you find the perfect partner. Make a list of things your partner needs to be or do, and list of bonus “wants” that would be more like perks.

   • Wants include a person’s job, traits, and physical attributes. For instance, you may want a partner who has a stable career, comes across as mysterious, and is taller than you.
   • Needs are the qualities and values you seek in a person. For example, maybe you need a partner with a strong work ethic looking to raise a family.
2. 
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   Discuss your personal boundaries with your partner. Tell your partner about your dating rules (including the 3-month rule) and what you expect from them. Basically, what can you both do and not do during the 90 days? Can you see other people? Is sex off the table? Lay down the ground rules before the 3 months start to make sure you’re both on the same page.

   • Along with this, discuss what will happen if one of you breaks a rule during the 90 days. Perhaps the relationship ends, or you restart the 3-month trial period.
   • Keep in mind that if your partner doesn’t want to follow one of the rules, you may have to compromise, or it might be a sign that the relationship won’t work.
3. 
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   Go on a few dates a week to get to know your partner. Matchmaker and certified life coach Christina Jay, NLP, says that when you spend lots of time with someone, “you get to see the true person's colors.” Use this time to get to know your partner better before making things official. So, go on as many dates as possible! Spend the weekends together, meet up after work for dinner and a movie, or just walk around the mall and chat. The more time you spend together, the better you’ll be able to tell if they’re the right match for you.

   • Pay attention to what your partner likes and dislikes, then plan a date around their interests. For instance, if they mention that their favorite flower is a sunflower, take them to a sunflower farm.
   • Ask them questions like, “What makes you laugh the most?” “What makes you feel fulfilled?” and, “What’s your love language?”
   • In order to see if the relationship is right for you, Chambers says it’s important to be active in your relationship. He advises that you create connection (instead of just wanting it to happen) and lean into the relationship (instead of just waiting for it to be “magically” right).
   • Chambers notes that the 3-month rule can fail if you act as a passive spectator in the relationship and simply wait for signs that the relationship is right. He says, “This almost always leads to the relationship ending because of a lack of engagement in being in the relationship.”
   EXPERT TIP

   

   John Keegan

   Dating Coach

   John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

   

   John Keegan
   Dating Coach

   Keep an open mind as you get to know someone. Don't rush to judgement as you start the dating process. Give them a chance—true connection thrives on shared values, and that spark can ignite when you least expect it.
4. 
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   Look for red flags that might be dealbreakers. Ninety-day dating trials help you see if you and your partner are truly compatible. Do you have the same way of expressing love and affection? Are you able to communicate openly during an argument? Pay attention to what you like and dislike about your partner’s behavior and tendencies. If they show red flag behaviors within the 3 months, the relationship may not be worth pursuing.

   • Common red flags include:
     • They struggle to make commitments.
     • They get jealous when you spend time with friends and family.
     • They have a hard time talking about their feelings.
     • They continuously ask for sex or sexual favors.
     • They don’t want to spend time alone with you.
     • They’re controlling.
   • Remember that it’s also okay if your relationship isn’t perfect or if you’ve had a few conflicts—that’s normal, and even a good thing, as long as your arguments are handled in a healthy and communicative way.
   • Reader Poll: We asked 144 wikiHow readers if they think that fighting in the early stages of a relationship is a red flag, and 57% of them said that it’s not a red flag. [Take Poll]
5. 
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   Look for green flags that tell you it’s working. Notice what works well in the relationship. Do they make you breakfast every morning because they know your love language is acts of service? Have they respected your boundaries? Do you both enjoy spending the night in rather than going out? Is it easy to be around them, or does it feel like a chore? Consider how your lifestyles, attachment styles, and values affect your relationship. Common green flags in a relationship include:

   • They show kindness and empathy.
   • They have the will to learn and grow with you.
   • They apologize and admit when they’re wrong.
   • They prioritize you.
   • They’re reliable.
6. 
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   Be confident in yourself and trust your intuition. The best thing you can do during the 3 months is have faith in yourself. You’re one incredibly smart, beautiful, and amazing person! Own your worth—you deserve a partner who’ll treat you like a king or queen, so don’t hesitate to turn down anyone who will make you feel like anything but. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t stick around, even if the 3 months aren’t up.

   • Build confidence and raise low self-esteem by saying positive things about yourself. For instance, look in the mirror every morning and say, “I am beautiful” or “I am worthy of love.”
   • Do your best to avoid comparing yourself to others. You’re unique and special in your own way—own it! Being like everyone else is boring, so just be yourself.
   • Consider starting a journal to sort through your thoughts and learn more about yourself.
7. 
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   Come to a decision when the 3 months are up. After the 90 days are up, take some time to evaluate what you’ve learned. Do you feel safe around this person? Would pursuing a long-term relationship with them make you happy? If the 90-day period went well and a relationship with this person feels right, keep the relationship going. If things feel off or you’ve noticed a lot of red flags, consider seeing someone else.

   • Have an open and honest discussion with your partner about how they’re feeling as well. If you’re divided on how you feel in the relationship, it may be best to move on.
   • If you’re not sure, feel free to take even more time. You don’t have to get engaged after 3 months; it’s just a checkpoint where you check in with yourself and your partner.
   • Take your time! Certified dating and relationship coach Kimberly Hill reminds us that dating and being in a relationship are different, and you don’t want to rush into the latter without being ready.
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Section 4 of 5:

How to Make Your Relationship Last After 90 Days

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1. 
   1
   Communicate openly and honestly. Your wants and needs are just as important as your partner’s. Rather than letting your partner guess what you need, tell them. Share how you’re feeling in the current moment—don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. After all, having good communication is the key to a lasting relationship.

   • Speak clearly and use an even tone when communicating, even in an argument. This way, you can stay level-headed while getting your point across effectively.
   • Use “I” statements to express how you’re feeling. For instance, you may say, “I like when you kiss me awake in the morning,” or “I feel like our relationship isn’t progressing. Could we talk about it?”
   • Believe it or not, nonverbal body language plays a big part in communication. Crossing your arms typically means you’re closed off and not open to a conversation, while maintaining eye contact is a great way to say, “Hey, I’m listening.”
2. 
   2
   Practice active listening to learn more about your partner. Communication isn’t a one-way street. Listen to your partner actively to learn what they need and want. Set aside judgment and be willing to hear their side of any story. When your partner says something that catches your interest, ask them questions about it to learn more about them.

   • For example, if they mention not liking a certain movie, say, “Oh, interesting! What don’t you like about it?” You’ll learn about their own tastes and experiences.
   • Matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders says to also ask about their upbringing, what they want in a relationship, and their goals or hopes for the future.
   • Remove all distractions from the room before talking and listening to your partner. That means no TV or phones—put all your attention on them.
   • Try to avoid interrupting them while they talk. Nodding your head and saying a simple “yep” or “uh-huh” is fine, but keep your full response for when they’re done talking.
3. 
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   Set personal boundaries to help you navigate the relationship. Creating healthy boundaries between you and your partner can help cultivate a long and lasting relationship. Clarify your expectations and needs with your partner right away, then ask them about theirs. Boundaries can look like:

   • Holding hands in public rather than kissing.
   • Communicating your sexual preferences.
   • Expressing that you don’t want to talk about something personal.
   • Saying “no” when someone asks to borrow your car.
4. 
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   Do things you enjoy together. One of the best ways to build a healthy relationship is to spend quality time together, face-to-face. Introduce your partner to your favorite activities, and ask them to show you theirs. Scheduling time out of your busy schedules to go on exciting and new dates can help you continue to fall in love with one another.

   • Enroll in a dance or fitness class together, schedule a weekend hike, or plan on seeing a comedy show or play every month.
   • Quality time doesn’t have to be something above and beyond. It can be as simple as putting down your phones, turning off the TV, and telling each other about your days.
5. 
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   Spend time with friends and family to nurture yourself. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to cut out all other relationships. During and after the 3-month rule, hang out with your friends and family as normal. Believe it or not, having a life away from your partner can help your relationship thrive.

   • Schedule regular coffee meetups with your besties to catch up in person throughout the week or month.
   • Sign up for a fitness or cooking class to meet new people outside your partner’s social circle.
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Section 5 of 5:

Is the 3-month rule the same as the honeymoon phase?

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1. 
   The honeymoon phase and 3-month rule aren’t the same thing. While the honeymoon phase of a relationship happens at the start of a relationship, it typically doesn’t involve an evaluation period like the 3-month dating rule. The honeymoon phase is the happy, early stages of a relationship, whereas the 3-month rule is spent weighing the pros and cons of the relationship.

   • The honeymoon phase typically lasts 6 months to 2 years and makes you feel like you’re on Cloud 9 24/7.
   • You and your partner may be in the honeymoon phase if you’re constantly happy around one another, actively avoid conflicts, and are always flirting.

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Tips

• There’s also a version of the rule for breakups that says you should give it 3 months after a breakup before you start dating again to make sure you’re healed.
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