The Top Advice on How to Make Friends When You're the New Kid

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How to find your tribe, even if you're shy
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Are you enrolling at a new school? Being a new student can feel pretty nerve-wracking at first, but you have nothing to fear. There are tons of different ways to connect with your classmates, from joining groups and extracurriculars to striking up a convo in class or the cafeteria. We’ve compiled the best tips and suggestions from therapists, teachers, and school counselors to help you make new friends at school.

Easy Ways to Make Friends

  • Hold your head up and project confidence so that you seem approachable and friendly.
  • Ask open-ended questions to start a conversation, then really listen to what people have to say.[1]
  • Make connections at school events or by joining clubs or activities.
1

Make eye contact and smile in the hallways.

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  1. Classmates will be more open if you seem confident and approachable.
    Hold your head up and make eye contact with people as you pass. Even if you don't know someone, a kind smile shows that you're friendly. If they smile back, you could have the opportunity to strike up a conversation or get to know them better.[2]
    • Put your phone away while you're in the hallway as well. If you look up and offer a smile as you pass, it shows that you're ready and willing to strike up a conversation.
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2

Introduce yourself to people who seem friendly.

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  1. Start by offering your name and pronouns.
    A basic introduction is a great way to put yourself out there. You might also mention something that you like to do.[3] Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer notes that "sometimes, all it takes is a friendly introduction. Don't hesitate to approach someone who looks approachable and start up a conversation."[4]
    • For example, you might introduce yourself by saying, "Hi, I'm Trish, I use she/her pronouns. I just transferred here. Is this seat taken?"
3

Approach someone sitting alone at lunch.

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  1. That person might be in the same boat as you.
    Sitting down next to someone sitting by themselves is an easy, non-intimidating way to strike up a conversation with someone new. You might also look for someone who tends to keep to themselves in class.[5]
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4

Lend a hand to a classmate in need.

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  1. Helping a classmate creates a great opportunity for friendship.
    You might help someone pick up the notebooks or textbooks they dropped or let a neighbor borrow a pencil. Being kind and considerate is a great way to stand out from the rest of the crowd. Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer notes that "helping others fosters goodwill and strengthens social bonds."[7]
5

Crack a joke to get people laughing.

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  1. Sharing a laugh is a sure-fire way to start a new friendship.
    Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer notes that "a good sense of humor can be very appealing." But she cautions you to "use humor wisely and avoid making jokes at the expense of others. Remember, people are usually attracted to kindness."[9] Any funny quip or spur-of-the-moment joke will work.
    • For example, you might say, "With all this homework, I think the only sleep I'll be getting is on the bus," or "The school cafeteria should be paying us to eat this food."
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6

Offer a compliment to someone who catches your eye.

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  1. A compliment is a great way to put someone at ease.
    Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer notes that "offering a genuine compliment can be a great icebreaker."[10] It's a pretty stress-free way to strike up a conversation too, especially if you're worried about putting yourself out there.[11]
    • For example, you might say, "I love your Ocean City sweatshirt! Do you go to the shore often?"
    • You might also try complimenting someone on something they've said or done. For example, you might say, "I really appreciated what you said in English class. I've never thought about that character that way."
7

Ask open-ended questions to start a conversation.

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  1. Start with a general, casual question about a broad topic.
    Asking about a classmate's favorite classes, favorite TV shows, or favorite hobbies is a great place to start. Then, ask a follow-up question based on their answer. If they say something you've never heard of, ask them why they like it or what it's about.[12]
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8

Listen attentively during your conversations.

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  1. Show that you're curious about your classmates' experiences.
    To practice active listening, clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer recommends that you "show interest in what others have to say, ask follow-up questions, and be empathetic. Make sure you make eye contact, smile, and then allow time for you to add information about yourself."[15]
    • Don't forget to bring up details from a previous conversation later! Remembering to follow up on something someone mentioned before is a great way to show that you're a genuine, caring person.
9

Keep your eye out for classmates with common interests.

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  1. Look at your classmates' styles and activities.
    Do you see someone reading your favorite book or wearing a T-shirt for one of your favorite bands? That's a built-in conversation starter![16] These common interests can serve as a great jumping-off point and help you find people you're more likely to get along with.[17]
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10

Connect with classmates over social media.

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  1. A quick comment or share could spark a new friendship.
    Did someone at your school post a video of a cool painting they're working on? Comment and let them know you love their technique. Or maybe a kid in your class shared a pic of themselves playing basketball over the weekend. If you love basketball too, you might ask where the best spots to play are. By putting yourself out there and being friendly, you could really hit it off with someone.[19]
    • Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer notes that "many schools have Facebook groups or other social media platforms where students can connect and make plans."[20]
    • There are also ways you can build and strengthen your connection to classmates online. Therapist Ebony Eubanks mentions playing different online games or "watching movies together via FaceTime or Zoom... [and talking] as you're watching them, so you can make connections with them."[21]
    • Keep in mind that not everyone is going to respond or be interested, and that's okay! There could be a million different reasons why someone doesn't respond, so don't take it personally. There are always other people out there to connect with.
11

Join a club or sports team to meet like-minded people.

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  1. After-school activities are chock full of potential friends.
    Look at your school's registry of clubs and sports to see if anything really sticks out to you. The great thing about a club or sports team is that you already have something in common and plenty to talk about. You're also getting the opportunity to do something fun.[22]
    • School counselor Ashley Pritchard notes that you can also "ask your school counselor for different clubs or sports... or have your counselor get you in touch with a coach or another student who they know who is involved in that. And then that's a good way to kind of meet somebody who has similar likes and interests."[23]
    • Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer adds that "whether it's a drama club, a sports team, or a chess club, these groups provide opportunities to connect with people who share your passions."[24]
    • Your gym class is also a great place to meet new friends. Physical education teacher Paige Bowen notes that this is because "a lot of times we pair off into partners or we make groups of 5 or 6 at a time. So it's trusting yourself and going ahead and jumping in and not being afraid and joining a group."[25]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 191 wikiHow readers, and 52% agreed that the most appealing activity or group to make friends in is a club or sports team related to your interests and passions. [Take Poll]
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12

Go to social events to mix and mingle.

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  1. School dances and sports events are great ways to meet new people.
    Your school's calendars or morning announcements help you see what's coming up. Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer notes that "schools often organize social events, dances, or parties. Attend these gatherings to meet new people in a relaxed and social setting. Don't be afraid to strike up conversations and introduce yourself."[26]
    • These activities also help you feel like a part of the community and student body so that you feel like you belong. For example, you might go to your school's Friday night football game and sit in the student section.
13

Meet new people through friendship apps.

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  1. Friendship apps offer a low-pressure way for young adults to meet new people.
    Apps such as Bumble BFF and Friender focus on platonic relationships rather than dating and can help "match" you with people you're likely to vibe with. If you prefer to go out and about, apps such as "Meetup" or "Nearify" can help you find activities and events in your area that might align with your interests.[27]
    • Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer also recommends that you "use apps designed for meeting new people in your area."[28]
    • However, keep in mind that you must be 18 or older to join apps like Bumble BFF.
    • If you’re under 18, be careful when connecting with people you don’t know online. Avoid sharing your personal information, phone number, or home address with anyone you don’t know personally or fully trust.
    • If you do decide to meet up with someone from an app or website, have a parent or trusted adult join you for at least the first meeting.
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14

Sign up for an improv class to easily break the ice.

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  1. Use an improv class to help reduce social anxiety.
    These types of activities give you a way to meet new people while also boosting your creativity. In addition to your school, check local theater groups to see what kinds of classes are available where you live. You'll find a fun way to reduce stress and gain confidence, which can make it even easier to continue to meet new people.[29]
    • Studies show that improv classes also make it easier for you to face uncertainty with confidence, which also improves your ability to feel more at ease in social situations.
15

List your best qualities to psych yourself up.

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  1. Boost your confidence by thinking about what you have to offer.
    Once you see all of the good things about yourself, you'll feel a lot more comfortable going out and talking to some new people. When you feel good about yourself, other people will want to feel good about you too.[30]
    • Embrace what makes you special, including your personality, talents, hobbies, and interests. Remember that real, worthwhile friends will appreciate every part of you and won't expect you to change to hang out with them.
    • A fun trick you can use for this is to think of your favorite celebrities. Write down qualities that both you and they possess to help you feel more confident.
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16

Be yourself.

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  1. There's no need to change who you are just to fit in.
    For clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer, "Authenticity is key to forming lasting friendships. Be true to yourself and let your genuine personality shine. People are more likely to connect with you when you're authentic."[31] Do the things that you love and speak your mind. Classmates who have similar interests or feel the same way will feel comfortable reaching out to you.
    Brene Brown
    Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

    Preserve your sense of self, always. "I feel like I belong everywhere I go, no matter where it is or who I’m with, as long as I never betray myself. And the minute I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me is the moment I no longer belong anywhere."


Join the Discussion...

how can I be less lonely? (recently started at a new school)
Layla Faul
Layla Faul
So I recently started at a new school, and have met some people who I hang out with, but I don't really think they're true friends, because they're not so nice to me. I'm still in contact with my two best friends from my previous school, but I barely ever get to see them because we don't live super close to each other anymore.😢 So... idk, what should I do?
Eden Gold
Eden Gold
Youth Motivational Speaker and Teen Life Coach
Start by being intentional with your time. In your first few weeks, prioritize making connections—with peers, teachers, counselors.

Join one or two clubs. It’ll feel uncomfortable. You’ll be shy. Do it anyway. Why? Because the belief that you can make friends has to override the fear. Most fears—aside from falling and loud noises—are learned. That fear of judgment? That’s your inner bully, not the real you.

The real you is resilient. You’ve overcome every hard day you’ve ever had. When you put yourself out there and survive the discomfort, you build confidence. You realize: “I did something hard. I can do it again.” Confidence = self-trust. If you consistently keep promises to yourself, your confidence will grow. If you constantly let yourself down, that trust erodes.

So take small actions. Join clubs. Call a therapist. Reach out to an old friend. Your first step might not be going from A to Z—it might just be getting from A to B.
Amanda Diekman
Amanda Diekman
Parenting Expert
Being new is so lonely. I want you to feel less lonely, I do, but I also want you to know that everyone feels lonely when they're new at something. It's not that you're doing this wrong, and if you were just better at it, you wouldn't feel lonely. It might feel lonely for a time, but the first thing you can do is join something that's in your interest area. Maybe it means doing something new. The school may not have the same things that you used to do at your last school. You might join the yearbook or try taking pictures for the newspaper, or give yourself a chance to try out for a sports team that you've not tried before.

Putting yourself in an environment to try something and as you're there, look around and ask, “Is there anybody here who makes me feel safe? Is there someone who seems particularly welcoming or friendly?” This is the scary part, but you might have to walk up to them and say, “I'm new and I don't have any friends yet. Could I sit with you at lunch?” or “Could you help me meet a few people?” You might have to be vulnerable and ask for someone to help you out, but hopefully they will. Most people know that it's hard to be new and my hope is that it wouldn't take too many tries before you find somebody who really helps you make the connections that you're looking for. Just one person can make all the difference between being lonely and having a friend.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you help a socially awkward child?
    Ashley Pritchard, MA
    Ashley Pritchard, MA
    School Counselor
    Ashley Pritchard is an Academic and School Counselor at Delaware Valley Regional High School in Frenchtown, New Jersey. Ashley has over 3 years of high school, college, and career counseling experience. She has an MA in School Counseling with a specialization in Mental Health from Caldwell University and is certified as an Independent Education Consultant through the University of California, Irvine.
    Ashley Pritchard, MA
    Ashley Pritchard, MA
    School Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Some schools have a peer leader program, where other students may help the child get to classes or introduce you to other people. Also, talk to teachers or the school counselor to help connect the child with other students.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 41 Helpful 46
  • Question
    I was going to start a conversation, but I got nervous, and didn't know what to say. What are some good conversation starters?
    Janice Tieperman
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    Ask some open-ended questions! These are questions that require a long response, and not just a “yes” or “no” answer. You might ask something like, “What did you do over the weekend?” or “What’s your favorite class?”
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 24 Helpful 52
  • Question
    I’m going to a new school next year in 6th grade, and I’m nervous. I have only known my friends that I have now since kindergarten, back when I was not shy. What should I do?
    Janice Tieperman
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    It’s okay to be nervous! Focus on putting yourself out there, little by little. This can be something as simple as complimenting someone on their shirt, or asking if you can sit with someone at lunch. Joining clubs and sports teams is another great way to meet new people.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
     Thank you for your feedback.
     If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about making friends, check out our in-depth interview with Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP.

References

  1. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ https://www.kidscape.org.uk/advice/advice-for-young-people/friendships-and-frenemies/how-to-make-new-friends/
  3. ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ https://findmykids.org/blog/en/how-to-make-friends-at-school
  6. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  7. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  9. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  1. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ https://blog.icesusa.org/the-exchange-students-guide-to-making-friends
  4. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Therapist. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  7. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
  9. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  10. ↑ https://findmykids.org/blog/en/how-to-make-friends-at-school
  11. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  12. ↑ Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Therapist. Expert Interview
  13. ↑ https://www.kidscape.org.uk/advice/advice-for-young-people/friendships-and-frenemies/how-to-make-new-friends/
  14. ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview
  15. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  16. ↑ Paige Bowen, MA, EdM. Physical Education Teacher. Expert Interview
  17. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  18. ↑ https://findmykids.org/blog/en/how-to-make-friends-at-school
  19. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202303/7-research-backed-benefits-of-improv-comedy
  21. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/self-esteem
  22. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  23. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview
  24. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview

About This Article

Cyndy Etler
Co-authored by:
Cyndy Etler
Teen Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Cyndy Etler and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Cyndy Etler is a certified teen life coach and award-winning young adult author who divides her time between Providence, Rhode Island, and Charlotte, North Carolina. Cyndy has over two decades of experience working directly with teenagers and supporting adolescent social and emotional health. In 2012, Cyndy founded The Teen Life Coach and began offering support and coaching to struggling teens and their families. She is dual certified through the Youth Coaching Institute and the International Coaching Federation. She has two published memoirs, Dead Inside (2017) and We Can’t Be Friends (2017). She is the narrator for Robert Downey Jr's troubled teen industry podcast The Sunshine Place, and her work has appeared on CNN, Newsday, NPR, and more. In 2017, she founded 1st Block Revolution, a program designed to counteract the school to prison pipeline by helping meet the needs of at-risk teens in the English classroom and supporting teachers. She is an in-demand speaker who previously taught high school English, special education, and English as a second language in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and North Carolina. Cyndy has a double-major bachelor's degree in English and American studies and a Master of Education degree from UMass Boston. This article has been viewed 1,162,748 times.
26 votes - 84%
Co-authors: 268
Updated: June 8, 2025
Views: 1,162,748
Categories: Featured Articles | Back to School
Article SummaryX

To make friends at a new school, act approachable in the hallways by smiling and making eye contact with other students. You could also try joining an after school club or sports activity to meet people with likeminded interests. Additionally, when you’re in class, try to sit in the middle as you’ll be noticed more there, which could result in more people talking to you. If you see someone nearby at the lockers or water fountain, try striking up a conversation by asking a question and briefly introducing yourself. To learn more ways to make friends, like how to ask questions that show people you're interested in them, keep reading!

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