“If You Love Someone, Let Them Go” Meaning (& Should You Really?)

Download Article

Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP explains this emotional phrase

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and Marcus Pruitt, BS

Last Updated: December 31, 2025 Fact Checked

Download Article

• Meaning
|
• Is it true?
|
• Why do it?
|
• How to Let Go
|
• What if they don’t come back?
|
• Video

|Show more |Show less

ARTICLE

VIDEO

The phrase “If you love someone, let them go” may seem like confusing advice, but it’s really a testament to true love, as it lays the groundwork for a stronger partnership. When you hear someone say that, you may be wondering if it’s really true or why someone would leave their partner. If those thoughts are wracking your brain, you’ve come to the right place. Read on to learn about what the phrase really means, why someone would leave someone they love, how to leave someone you love, and more, straight from a clinical therapist and expert dating coaches.

Meaning of “If You Love Someone, Let Them Go”

According to Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, the phrase means to let a person go because the relationship is unhealthy and you need to put your emotional needs first. It doesn’t mean giving up forever, but if it’s real love, they’ll eventually come back.

Steps

Section 1 of 5:

What “If You Love Someone, Let Them Go” Means

Download Article

1. 
   “If you love someone, let them go” means to let someone go so they can grow. Tenzer says, “This phrase often points to a truth about love that is difficult to accept or maybe something you’re not ready to hear. To ‘let someone go’ doesn’t mean you stop loving them, for many the love continues for years to come. It means you are willing to put your emotional needs first, above theirs.” While it may seem like counterintuitive advice, the phrase is actually a testament to true love.

   • “It can be a very difficult decision to make and often causes a great deal of heartbreak, confusion and distress,” Tenzer continues. “Asking yourself to not only acknowledge when a relationship can no longer grow in a healthy way and then do something about it is absolutely distressing.”
   • Letting go of someone you love is a selfless act that lets you (and the other person) figure out your own paths in life and make your own choices. The phrase suggests that true love means wanting what’s best for the person you love, even if that means separating yourself from them.
   • Letting go of someone doesn’t mean you’re forgetting about them forever; it just means you’re stepping away for the benefit of the relationship.
     • There are plenty of reasons why people may walk away from someone they love, like mental health issues or knowing the relationship won’t work out in the long run.
   • The full phrase, which is often attributed to author and poet Kahlil Gibran, is “If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t.”

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP is a Clinical Therapist and Adjunct Professor with over 18 years of experience in the field of mental health.

   John Keegan is a Dating Coach with over 15 years of experience helping people find love with his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics.

   Cher Gopman is a Dating Coach and the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC. She specializes in matchmaking and wingwoman services.

   Luis Congdon is a Relationship Coach who specializes in helping couples achieve a happy, long-lasting relationship.
Advertisement

Section 2 of 5:

Is “If you love someone, let them go” true?

Download Article

1. 
   The phrase is technically true, but it only applies to certain situations. If your partner is struggling with something that’s been negatively impacting your relationship and well-being, it may be best to let them go so they can figure out their feelings. But this phrase doesn’t apply to every situation. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should let them go; it’s only when their own feelings or well-being start to hurt you that you should let them go.

   • Tenzer explains, “Sometimes love means staying, and sometimes love means stepping back so both people can evolve without being held in patterns that cause pain or no longer suit them. Sometimes growing apart is far healthier than growing together.”
   • This doesn’t mean you should leave your partner whenever they’re having a hard time in life. If they’re struggling, offer to help or give them advice. But if their struggles start impacting you and your well-being, consider leaving.

Section 3 of 5:

Why would you let go of someone you love?

Download Article

1. 
   1
   Their personal issues are hurting the relationship. According to dating coach John Keegan, people can break up and still love each other. If your partner is dealing with a mental health issue, work drama, or something else that’s hurting your relationship, you may want to leave them so they have time to sort their issues out. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them; in fact, it’s the opposite. You do love them, but you realize that they need to deal with whatever is hurting them (and your relationship), and you’re removing yourself from the situation so they can.
2. 
   2
   Your personal issues are hurting the relationship. If you’re the one who’s struggling with personal issues outside of your relationship and you end up bringing them home, you may want to let your partner go so you have time to sort them out. Managing a relationship is already a lot of work, and if you’re struggling with something that’s affecting your ability to show up for your partner the way they need, you may want to let them go while you handle it.

   • Communicate these struggles with your partner before you decide to call it quits. They may be willing to help you work through them.
3. 
   3
   You don’t love them the way you should. You may have love for your partner, but feel like they’d do better with someone else who knows how to love them. Maybe your love languages don’t align. Maybe you’re a different person than you were when the relationship first started. Whatever the case, if you’re realizing you can’t give your partner the love they need, you may want to let them go, even if you love them.
4. 
   4
   You know the relationship won’t work out in the long run. Dating coach Cher Gopman says that if you don’t see your relationship with someone progressing in the future, “then it might be worth considering breaking up, because by being in a relationship with someone who’s not the right one, you’re taking the chance of missing out on the person that is right for you.”

   • You may love the person, but if you don’t see a future with them, it’s better to let them go; otherwise, you’re wasting your time and your partner’s when both of you could be finding partners you’re more compatible with.
Advertisement

Section 4 of 5:

How to Let Go of Someone You Love

Download Article

1. 
   1
   Look at the relationship and consider how it’s impacted your well-being. Before deciding to let go, you need to determine whether or not it’s time to let go. Take a look back at the relationship and think about how your partner treated you. Have they been taking their personal issues out on you? Have they been neglecting your needs in favor of theirs? Are you two codependent, or do you actually love each other?

   • Ask yourself these questions as you reflect on the relationship to determine whether or not it’s time to let go.
   • “Over time, letting go becomes less about loss and more about self-respect,” Tenzer says. “You begin to choose emotional safety, clarity, and peace over uncertainty and emotional insecurity. Love can still exist without being acted upon. In some cases, the most compassionate choice, for both people, is to release what no longer allows either person to truly thrive and continue on with life in a more positive way.”
2. 
   2
   Give yourself time and space away from your partner. Relationship coach Luis Congdon says that most people need space from their ex after the relationship ends. “There might be a little bit of a time period where you need that space so that your heart and your spirit and all of you can kind of shift, and you can find yourself again, and you are changed.”

   • If you’re having a hard time staying away from your partner, consider going no contact until you’ve gotten over the breakup.
3. 
   3
   Focus on yourself instead of your partner. It’s important to put yourself first if you’re really trying to let the other person go. It’s the first step in taking charge of your own life, especially if the relationship was unhealthy. So, listen to your physical and emotional needs, focusing on what fills your cup, and avoid going back on them. Your needs are important, and although it may be hard to focus on yourself while you’re grieving the relationship, it’s essential for coming out of the relationship stronger.

   • Use this newfound time to focus on your hobbies and personal goals! That will help keep your mind off your partner.
4. 
   4
   Grieve the relationship. According to Tenzer, “Letting go of someone you still love is emotionally draining because you aren’t just grieving the person, you’re grieving the time you spent, the memories you had and the future you imagined together. It can feel like your heart and consciousness are at odds. Allow yourself to feel the loss instead of rushing to avoid it.” You can’t let go of someone you love if you haven’t given yourself time to process the grief..

   • Even if you don’t come back together, it’s still important to grieve the relationship so you’re able to heal and show up in your next relationship.
5. 
   5
   Take things one day at a time. You aren’t going to heal overnight, especially since you still love your partner. So, give yourself some time to process the relationship by taking things one day at a time. If you’re sad one day, embrace those feelings and let them wash over you. If you’re happy the next day, cherish those feelings and let them motivate you to keep going. While you may still be hurting after ending the relationship, over time, these feelings will ease.
6. 
   6
   Focus on moving forward and don’t lose hope. Every day is a new opportunity to explore life and move forward with what you want to do. Rather than ruminating on the relationship and whether or not things will work out, focus on moving forward with your personal goals, hopes, and dreams, and have faith that things will work out. Remember, if the person truly loves you, they may end up returning if you two align.

   • Even if things don’t work out, that doesn’t make the love any less real. You can love someone and still realize that you’re better off without them, and vice versa.
   • At the end of the day, letting someone you love go is about you just as much as it is them. You’re choosing to put your well-being and the well-being of your partner at the forefront, rather than holding out to the detriment of both of you.
Advertisement

Section 5 of 5:

What if they don’t come back?

Download Article

1. 
   1
   If the person doesn’t return, that doesn’t always mean they don’t love you. You can still have love for someone and realize that being in a relationship doesn’t work for you, and the same goes for your partner. So, if you let someone go and they don’t return, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you. They may have realized that you’re better off with someone more attuned to your needs, or vice versa.
2. 
   2
   If they don’t come back, cherish the lessons from the relationship and move on. Even if you two love each other, there are times when things just don’t work out. If that’s the case, try not to ruminate on the relationship and how it ended. Instead, think about what you learned about yourself and what you like and don’t like in a relationship, use that to inform your future choice in partners, and move on.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement

Video

Tips

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!