How to Trick Your Family Into Thinking You're Straight

Co-authored by Lena Dicken, Psy.D

Last Updated: April 22, 2025

Sexual orientation is a profoundly personal trait, and many people may wish to keep it hidden from those they know for a variety of reasons. This is a difficult decision to make and a difficult action to do. You can still be true to yourself and be secure from potentially homophobic loved ones by figuring out other's opinions and having people around to support you.

Steps

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If you were to come out to your family, what would happen? Would they act cold or angry? Would they kick you out? Is this a matter of emotional security or personal safety?
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Figure out their opinion if it isn't clear already. Try mentioning an LGBT+ related topic, like The Trevor Project or a celebrity who came out.
- Some people are harsher on LGBT+ people because they don't think they personally know any. They may be more understanding if you come out, and they realize they are talking to a real, LGBT+ human being.^{[1]
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  Lena Dicken, Psy.D
  Clinical Psychologist
  
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Consider family members individually. Maybe your dad and sister are accepting of LGBT+ people, but your mom isn't. You may be able to tell the truth to part of your family.
- If you're telling only some people, be sure to consider their abilities as a secret-keeper. You may not want to tell someone about your identity if they have a habit of not keeping secrets.
Perhaps you have a friend, loved one, or another mentor whom you trust to respect you and keep your secret. Your emotional health is important, and hiding who you are hurts.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview} It's important to have someone who has your back.
Most people will assume anyone who is non-gender-conforming is also not straight because of persisting stereotypes like all gay men are feminine and lesbian women are butch.
While it's optional, it may make it easier to convince your family if you conform to gender roles. If you are a woman, long hair, cute shoes and make-up and if you are a man, masculine clothing such as basketball shorts, sneakers, and bleak colors. However, most people will not assume someone is gay based solely on these things, especially family members who think they know you. They will likely just think that your interests are your interests, same as they are for every straight person in the world who doesn't conform to stereotypes.
or "I'm not gay, but..." Remember, it's completely possible to support the LGBT+ community without being LGBT+, and your family knows that. Continually making use of these statements makes you sound like you're trying to convince someone.
For example, you might have a friend or sibling you can talk about your real crush with. Maybe you can ease up on the gender roles when you're at a trusted friend's house. Find places where you can safely be yourself.
There's no need to spout homophobic slurs, or make fun of LGBT+ people just because you're pretending to be straight. Likewise, there's no need to pretend you like or don't like certain things just to conform to certain roles.

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My mom cut me off from my girlfriend, and I can't call her. What do I do?

Noa

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You might want to contact a mutual friend and ask them for your girlfriends info. If you get it then save the number as another persons name and delete conversations daily, or have a long and heartfelt talk with your mother.

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My mom thinks I'm gay, but I'm straight. What should I do?

Molly

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Tell her. Did you accidentally mislead her? Did someone falsely out you? Make sure to talk to her, and make sure she understands.

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What should I do if my family walks in on me and my partner, potentially revealing that I am not straight?

WikiGorillaSeeker387

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To avoid such a situation, you should prioritize privacy. Ensure you have adequate alone time and a private space where you will not be interrupted.

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Don't be afraid to ask to go to a therapist if you need extra support.^{[3]
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Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}

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Find a safe space and be yourself there. It will help you get the stamina you need to come out.

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Warnings

If you are abused (physically, emotionally, or sexually) or kicked out from your home, get help. The government or a human rights group can help protect and take care of you, or help you learn to take care of yourself.

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