How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (Plus, Signs It’s Working)

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Breakup & healing coach Amy Chan explains why going no contact is helpful for healing

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Eric McClure

Last Updated: November 18, 2025 Fact Checked

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• No Contact Explained
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• How Long It Takes to Work
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• How Long To Do It
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• General Timelines
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• Signs It’s Working
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• Do you tell your ex?
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• When will they miss you?
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• Video
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• Expert Q&A

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The point of the no contact rule is to give yourself time to get over the messy feelings associated with your ex. Basically, you cut them off entirely—block them on social media, block their phone number, and don’t contact them—and that alone time gives you the space to heal and move on. But how long will it be before you start feeling better? How much time needs to pass before you can feel comfortable talking to your ex? To answer these questions and more, we met with psychologists and dating coaches to get the inside scoop on how long the no contact process will take.

How Long Should No Contact Last

Breakup & healing coach Amy Chan says that you should completely cut your ex off and avoid them on all social media platforms for as long as it takes for you to begin healing. There is no fixed amount of time required for this, but most experts recommend taking anywhere from 21-90 days before trying to reconnect.

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Section 1 of 7:

What is the no contact rule?

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1. 
   The no contact rule is when you cut off an ex to create time to heal. Clinical psychologist Gera Anderson, PsyD explains that you go no contact by “creating physical and psychological distance from your ex” and that you “stop answering their calls and texts.” The goal here is to create a safe space where you can reconnect with yourself, heal, and get over the heartbreak of losing someone you used to care about.

   • It’s hard to “get back to normal” if you’re constantly interacting with the person who put you in this headspace in the first place. By spending time away from your ex, you’ll create an environment where you can heal, process your emotions, and reflect on the experience on your own. Dating coach Kate Dreyfus says that going no contact is 100% healthy, and it’s a key part of moving on.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Amy Chan is a breakup & healing coach and the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that specializes in healing after the end of a relationship.

   Kate Dreyfus is a dating coach and relationship expert with more than 10 years of experience helping clients find love and grow.

   Gera Anderson, PsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in behavioral health and mental wellness.

   Alison Wellington is a certified dating coach who has helped over 300 women find long-term love.

   Maria Avgitidis is a dating coach who has over a decade of experience running a matchmaking service.
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Section 2 of 7:

How long does the no contact rule take to work?

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1. 
   There is no single “correct” amount of time for the no contact rule. Chan explains that “studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix. The brain is literally in withdrawal.” So, there’s no fixed time that it will take to get over that—it’s going to be different for everyone.

   • How the relationship ended and who ended the relationship matters a lot. If you broke up with the other person after only dating a few weeks, you’ll probably get over it a lot faster than you would if you were dating for years and they broke up with you. Do whatever makes the most sense to you.

Section 3 of 7:

How long should you go no contact?

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1. 
   You should go no contact for as long as it takes to recover. While you typically want to wait 21-90 days, it totally depends on you. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to recovering from a tough breakup. If 30 or 60 or whatever number of days pass and you don’t really feel ready to move on, then don’t. Dreyfus says that it’s okay to take more time, and it’s totally okay to not know how long that is.

   • One way to figure out if you’re “done” with the no contact rule is to ask yourself, “If I found out that he/she/they fell in love and started going out with someone new, would I be upset?” If the answer is that you’d feel nothing at all (or maybe even that you’d be happy for them), you’re done!
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Section 4 of 7:

General No Contact Timelines

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1. 
   1
   Amicable or mutual breakup: 21-30 days If this was mutual or the breakup was really mature and friendly, give yourself about a month to move on. The goal here is to sort things out for yourself and take some time to heal, reflect, and move on. Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 21-30 days you may find yourself feeling much better.

   • While 21-30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a longer time. If 21-30 days pass and you still aren’t ready, it’s totally okay to extend your period of no contact.
2. 
   2
   Long-term relationship: 60 days If the two of you were together for at least 6 months, take 2 months off if you can. The length of the relationship matters when it comes to the no contact rule. Certified dating coach Alison Wellington says, “You need a clean, cold turkey break from this person. You need to sever all ties and whatever still connects you; you need to figure out how to disconnect them. That also would include getting rid of things that they may have gifted you or things that remind you of them.”

   • You’re probably going through a lot if you’ve broken up with someone you were with for a while, and it’s okay if it takes a little longer than 60 days to process that. Give yourself plenty of grace and time.
3. 
   3
   Ugly breakup: at least 90 days Some relationships end with a bit of chaos. Give yourself roughly 3 months to recover before reaching out if things got messy. If the relationship ended in a shouting match or the two of you were throwing insults back and forth, it can take extra time to let the anger and frustration go—and that’s totally okay! Once the anger subsides, you’ll have plenty of time to sort out your other feelings.

   • If they reach out first to repair things and you want that as well but it hasn’t been at least 90 days, go ahead and tell them. Say something like, “Hey, I do want to reconnect and repair things, but I also kind of need time to cool off. Please give me a few weeks to figure out how I feel before we reconnect.”
4. 
   4
   Toxic or abusive situation: indefinitely Relationship coach Cristina Morara says, "Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email, or engage on social media. It may also be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more [toxic] behavior." So, if they were abusive or things were always bad, cut them off forever. At least take a few months to get some perspective and figure out just how rewarding life can be without your awful ex. You deserve better, so don’t look back until you’re absolutely clear that’s what you want.

   • If you were with an abusive person or they had a tendency to gaslight you into thinking things are your fault, it can cross some wires in your head. Show yourself some love and take as much time as you need to recover.
   • Something should change dramatically before you reconnect. With a toxic ex, your best option is to move on in life. But if you really do want to reach out in the future (like…far future), look to see if something has dramatically changed before going through with it.
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Section 5 of 7:

How do you know if no contact is working?

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1. 
   It’s working if you’re less interested in your ex with each passing week. At first, no contact is probably going to be tough. You’ll want to reach out and fill that void left by your ex. If you don’t contact them and you get past that urge, it will be easier tomorrow. If it is easier, your no contact rule is working! Each week, you should find yourself thinking less and less about your ex. Eventually, you’ll get past the pain and come out stronger on the other side.

   • If you find yourself thinking more and more about your ex over the next few weeks or months, consider seeing a therapist. They can really help you work through what you’re feeling.
   • In the meantime, do things you enjoy. Find a healthy and fun way to distract yourself. Go hang out with friends, pursue your passions, and engage with your hobbies. Give yourself a day or two to mourn the loss and then try to return to a normal routine.

Section 6 of 7:

Can I tell my ex that I’m going no contact?

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1. 
   Yes, but only if things ended amicably. If the breakup really was smooth and you know you might want to reconnect with your ex as friends in the future, feel free to tell them what you’re doing. You can just shoot them a text and explain why you’re going to go MIA for a while—it shouldn’t be a big deal.

   • You could say, “Hey, just a heads up, I’m going to block you on social media for a while and I won’t answer the phone. You didn’t do anything wrong or anything, but I just need some space to focus on me if that’s okay.”
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Section 7 of 7:

How long after no contact do they miss you?

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1. 
   They probably miss you right away, but that’s not the point. Dating coach Maria Avgitidis says, "They probably still do care for you. You may have been a significant chapter in their book of life, but they are not compatible with you, which is why you broke up. Don't confuse caring as desire." Remember, going no contact is for your benefit. It’s not some trick designed to get your ex to miss you more.

   • If you do want to get your ex back, try reaching out after a week or two. Send them a text or call them to see how they’re doing, but don’t push anything if they don’t reciprocate.
   • Reader Poll: We asked 2644 wikiHow readers which sign would make them feel most hopeful about potentially reuniting with their ex, and 51% of them said reaching out and initiating contact after a period of no communication. [Take Poll]

Join the Discussion...

How long will it take to get over my breakup?

WikiGladeWhisperer804

My girlfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, and it still feels like it just happened yesterday. I can't believe she's gone. I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone who has gone through a breakup like this, how long did it take you to get over it? What did you do to move on? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

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Amy Chan
Relationship Coach

Research shows that the feelings of pain of a romantic rejection usually fade over about six months to two years. It makes sense: studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix. The brain is literally in withdrawal. And people with an anxious attachment style often take breakups harder than those with a secure or avoidant attachment style.

To move on from a breakup means to process the emotions of the relationship in a healthy way. Processing is very different from suppressing, distracting, or avoiding your emotions. Processing means allowing yourself to feel your emotions, allowing time for healing, and then reflecting on the lessons you can learn to grow from the experience. Know the difference between processing and wallowing. The former means you feel the emotions and use self-care, self-compassion, and support to return to equilibrium. It means knowing you have agency over your destiny and that even though it's painful and uncomfortable, you will get back up. Wallowing is when you see the situation through the lens of a victim and that you are helpless in your circumstance. When you are stuck in victimization, you are not processing, you're prolonging your suffering.

You'll know that you've 'moved on' when you no longer feel an emotional charge towards your ex or the breakup, and when you've accepted reality as is.

Read More

Anonymous WikiBird

Break ups suck. I also broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and I was in a lot of pain. At first, I let myself wallow when I missed him because I wanted myself to feel and process the emotions. I think it was helpful to let that all out. Now when I miss him, I remind myself why the two of us didn't work out and reassure myself that letting go of him was the only way I could open myself up to having a relationship where all my needs are met. I know it hurts now but I trust that one day I will get to experience that fulfilling love.

Read More

See all 7 Replies and

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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  How do you know if the no contact rule is actually working?

  

  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

  

  Kate Dreyfus

  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Expert Answer

  If you feel your own sense of wellbeing improving and you're starting to feel a sense of closure, it's working. If you aren't feeling that right now, it's okay. Just give it time.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 14 Helpful 33
• Question

  What if I feel like I just can't do no contact?

  

  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

  

  Kate Dreyfus

  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Expert Answer

  No contact is ideal, but if you just aren't in an environment where you can do that, at least go for limited contact. The more space you have, the better. But if you just can't help but interact with them because you go to school together or you work at the same place, just minimize the amount of time you spend talking to them.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 9 Helpful 34
• Question

  Does no contact work every time?

  

  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

  

  Kate Dreyfus

  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Expert Answer

  I don't know if it's possible to say something is always going to work when it comes to a process as like recovering from heartbreak, but no contact is certainly one of the more reliable options here.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 22 Helpful 30

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