Kissing Tips: The wikiHow Guide to the Perfect Kiss

wikiHow readers and dating experts explain how to kiss

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Devin McSween

Last Updated: January 30, 2026 Fact Checked

Whether you're kissing someone for the first time or simply want to improve your kissing technique, we’re here to help! In this article, we’re sharing real kissing tips from thousands of wikiHow readers, as well as expert insights from dating and relationship coaches. We’ll answer all of your burning questions, like when to go in for the kiss, how to perfect your technique, whether you should use tongue, and what to do with your hands. Keep reading to find out more!

The Most Popular Kissing Tips & Hacks

Kissing Tips Based on Survey Results Summary

"Look & Lean": There are 3 key signs that signal someone wants to kiss you. 28% of our readers look for lip gazing, 27% look for a lean-in, and 25% look for eye contact.
"Head-on-Shoulder" Hack: 81% of our readers said that resting your head on someone’s shoulder is the ultimate “green light” to get them to kiss you.
Use Your Hands: 95% of readers say using your hands to caress your partner’s face, neck, or body makes the kissing experience even better!
Tongue Factor: Only 35% say it’s “always” a must, while 49% say “it depends on the person.”

1

Build anticipation.

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A little flirting helps make the kiss truly fireworks-worthy. Our readers definitely recommend subtly turning up the heat before going in for the kiss, with 37% of readers suggesting that you flirt and lightly tease your crush or date first. Breaking the touch barrier with a gentle caress on the arm or shoulder is also a great move, as 46% of our readers say this makes them feel more comfortable for the kiss.
- If you're sitting together or strolling arm in arm, consider resting your head on their shoulder—81% of our readers said this is an effective way to invite a kiss!
- If you’re walking them back to their car or door at the end of the night, 19% of our readers recommend lingering a little to signal you’re not ready for the moment to end.
- Dating coach Eddy Baller agrees that you should start with some light physical contact before kissing. He suggests massaging their hand and moving up their arm to build intimacy and check to see if they’re comfortable. As Baller explains, if someone isn’t comfortable with physical touch, they won’t be comfortable with kissing.^{[1]
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  Eddy Baller
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  Expert Interview}
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Eddy Baller is a dating and relationship coach and owner of Conquer and Win, a dating consulting and coaching service.

Michelle Jacoby is a dating and relationship coach with over 12 years of experience. She’s the CEO of DC Matchmaking and co-owner of The Matchmakers Alliance.

Maya Diamond, MA, is a relationship coach with 15 years of experience. She helps singles create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships.

David Chambers is a dating and relationship coach and founder of The Authentic Man, which helps men build deep and meaningful relationships.

Crista Beck is a dating coach and matchmaker with 15 years of experience. She helps people become open to love and find a partner.

2

Watch for the “Look and Lean” trio.

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Checking your date’s body language helps you see if they’re ready to smooch. There are lots of non-verbal signals that someone will give you if they want to kiss. According to Baller, “There’s usually a lot of smiling going on and looking between the eyes and the lips.”^{[2]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Our readers agree, and point to these signs as the three most reliable signals someone wants to kiss you:
- Lip Gazing: 28% of our readers agreed that if someone keeps looking at your mouth, they’re likely thinking about kissing it.
- The Lean-In: Closing the physical gap is a classic sign of interest, according to 27% of our readers.
- Eye Contact: 25% of our readers agree that a lingering look combined with a smile usually means "go for it."
- Baller notes that in the moment right before the kiss, you’ll usually feel lots of chemistry and sexual tension. He says, “You're both looking at each other's eyes very intently. You're both smiling. There's a pause. Nobody's saying anything. That's a great time to just go for it.”^{[3]
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  Eddy Baller
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  Expert Interview}

3

Make your move slowly.

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Approach your date slowly to double-check that they want to kiss. We asked our readers how best to initiate a kiss, and 20% suggest leaning in slowly to give your partner time to respond or opt out. As your faces get close, 36% of readers recommend making eye contact to check their reaction. If you get the all-clear, don’t forget to tilt your head in the opposite direction of your partner’s so you don’t bump noses!
- Ask for consent if you’re not sure if they’d welcome a kiss, especially if you’re feeling nervous! In fact, 23%-29% of our readers prefer direct communication or for the person to ask, "Can I kiss you?"
- Dating coach Michelle Jacoby suggests making a statement like “I'm very attracted to you,” “I had a really great time,” or even “I’d really love a kiss.^{[4]
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4

Start with a simple technique.

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Give your partner a soft, gentle kiss instead of going in hot and heavy. Keep your lips relaxed and slightly parted as you go in for your first kiss with someone. Softly press your lips against theirs using minimal pressure, and then pull away after a few seconds. According to 85% of our readers, a quick, gentle kiss is the best way to start a first-time encounter!
- Relationship coach Maya Diamond, MA, notes that most people don’t like really aggressive kissing, as it can feel overwhelming.^{[5]
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  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- Should you kiss their top or bottom lip? You may have heard about the top vs. bottom lip debate: some people prefer to kiss the top lip, while others prefer the bottom. In fact, 38% of our readers like to kiss the top lip. You don’t need to overthink this, though! The lip you aim for just happens naturally, and neither lip is “better” to kiss.

5

Use your hands.

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Put your hands on your partner’s face or waist to make the kiss intimate. 95% of our readers agree that using your hands during a kiss makes it better! But where should you put your hands? Our readers gave us their top hand placements: 39% said on the thigh or knee, 29% said to caress your partner’s face, and 23% said to stroke the side of their neck. Placing your hands on their waist or shoulders is always a good call, too.
- For instance, lightly cup your partner’s face with your hands. You can even place a hand under their chin to help tip their face up to yours.

6

Take cues from your partner for pressure and intensity.

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Everyone has a different kissing style, so go with your partner’s flow! As Baller explains, you want to match your partner's kissing style and fit together like puzzle pieces. So, he recommends following their movements.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} We asked our readers what their preferred kissing style is, and 42% said “slow and smooth,” while 37% said they like to vary the speed and intensity of the kiss.
- For instance, if your partner is giving you slow, gentle kisses, kiss them back slowly instead of giving them a bunch of quick kisses.
- Or, if your partner starts to kiss you deeper and faster, apply more pressure with your lips, too.
- If you’re feeling nervous, take a breath and slow down. Dating and relationship coach David Chambers notes that anxiety and stress can make you pick up the pace, which can cause you to make jerky, fast movements instead of gentle, slow ones.^{[7]
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- What are the most popular types of kisses?
  - French Kiss: 37% of our readers said this is their preferred type of kiss. It’s the most popular for established chemistry.
  - Slow & Sensual 31% of our readers said this was their preferred kissing style. It’s a favorite for building a deeper romantic connection.
  - Gentle Kiss: A gentle kiss is best for your first kiss with someone, or for sweetly showing your affection.
  - Passionate Kiss: A passionate kiss is great for building intimacy and heat.

7

Use tongue sparingly.

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A little tongue can make a kiss great, but test your partner’s reaction first. Tongue kisses are intimate and passionate, and some people find them a bit too much when kissing a new partner. If you want to deepen the kiss and start French kissing, test the waters first. Open your mouth a bit wider and run your tongue over their lip. If your partner seems enthusiastic and reciprocates the same moves, slowly slip your tongue into their mouth.
- To start, gently sweep your tongue against the tip of your partner’s. Keep your movements light and quick, and avoid pushing your tongue deep into their mouth.
- If your partner doesn’t use their tongue back, closes their mouth, or pulls away, that’s a clear sign that they’re not ready to French kiss just yet. Stick to lip-only kisses, for now!
- Our readers agree that whether to use tongue or not differs from person to person. Only 35% of readers say using tongue is “always” a must, while 49% say it just depends on the person.

8

After the kiss, give a hug or a smile.

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Pull back slowly and let your partner know you enjoyed the kiss. Unsure what to do after a kiss? Don’t worry, all you really have to do is show your partner that you liked it—words aren’t even totally necessary! Our readers agree, with 24% recommending that you give your crush or date a smile, and 19% recommending that you give them a hug.
- According to 95% of our readers, kissing and cuddling make the rest of the experience better.
- What should you say after the kiss? Don’t force a suave or smooth line (unless it comes naturally to you). Simply let your partner know that you enjoyed the kiss. You could say:
  - “I liked that.”
  - “That was nice.”
  - “You’re amazing.”
  - “You’re a good kisser.”
  - “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”
- Don’t force yourself to say anything if you’re nervous. It can feel a little awkward post-kiss, which is totally okay! Plus, you’re probably filled with butterflies, so it’s normal if nothing springs to mind. It’s better to laugh and smile than to say a corny or cliché line.

9

Bonus tip: Maintain kissable lips.

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Keeping your breath fresh and lips soft is key to giving a perfect kiss. Being a great kisser is all in the prep work! Brush your teeth and tongue, and swish some mouthwash before the kiss. Or, freshen up your breath by sucking on a mint or chewing some gum (just make sure you throw it away before you kiss). Then, apply some lip balm to ensure your lips are soft and moisturized.
- Lip care is definitely important—only 9% of our readers admitted to having chapped lips most of the time!

10

Bonus tip: Pick the right environment.

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Find a private moment to lock lips so your partner feels comfortable. Walking or driving your partner home after a date or hangout is the most classic time to go in for a kiss, and it has a high success rate for a reason: it’s both private and romantic. That’s why 43% of our readers say this is how they like to set up the first kiss! 45% of our readers also like nature walks or hikes, as the serenity of nature creates a low-pressure but romantic atmosphere.
- In general, the evening is a great time because it sets up an intimate and romantic mood.
- The setting doesn’t have to be anything special, but it should feel comfortable for both of you. It’s okay to kiss while you’re strolling on the beach at sunset, sitting on a park bench, or playing video games together.
- If you’re on a first date, definitely pay attention to your partner’s comfort level and vibe. Our readers are 50/50 on whether they like to kiss on a first date!

11

Bonus tip: Navigate rejection with grace.

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Be respectful if your partner turns down your kiss. There are lots of reasons why someone might reject a kiss, whether they’re not emotionally ready or just not feeling the sparks yet. Also, only 72% of our readers agreed that public kissing is appropriate, so your date might not feel comfortable showing affection in front of other people. Dealing with rejection can be tough, but 21% of our readers say to remember that rejection isn’t a reflection of your self-worth. While it doesn’t feel good to get rejected, it’s important to respect their decision.
- Our readers agree, and 32% emphasize that you should move on gracefully. Smile and say you understand, then simply continue the conversation or kindly part ways. Say something like, “That’s okay” or “No worries.” Accept their “no” and move on—don’t ask why or try to get them to change their mind.
- How should you handle unwanted advances? If you’re not into the person, dating coach Crista Beck says to politely decline and say something like, “I'm sorry, but I don't want to.”^{[8]
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  - If you like the person but just aren’t ready to kiss yet, Beck recommends saying something like, “I find you attractive, but I'm not ready for that yet.”^{[9]
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  - You can always make up an excuse if you don’t want to kiss someone. We asked our readers what their favorite polite deterrent is, and 49% said, "I think I'm coming down with a cold."