What do you if you're gay/lesbian and in a homophobic environment?
My family (even my extended family) are homophobic and the here is problem I'm lesbian. I haven't come out to them but dropped somewhat subtle hints. My dad is pretty homophobic and my mom would disapprove of me having a crush on anyone, let alone a girl. Generally everyone in my family would disgusted/confused/homophobic if I ever came out. On top of that, the girl I have a crush on is my best friend. She has shown signs of liking me back. Most of my friends know I have a crush on her, but I just haven't officially come out to them (they already kind of know). How am I supposed to come out to my family?
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It's always challenging to exist in an environment where you know outright that people are not accepting of you, and to have to keep yourself hidden from that. I would say if you have to remain in that environment, it's important to find another environment to go outside of that where you can be yourself. Whether that is an in-person community or an online space, find a safe, accessible space where you can be truthful about who you are and not have to keep it fully inside. This way, you can better coexist as a safer, authentic version of yourself while you're forced to still be in this unsafe environment. Hopefully, there will be a time you can leave that environment, though that's not always possible for everybody. Some people are forced to remain in a toxic environment, so I'd say to supplement it with a place that does feel good.
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You would know your family best, and each family is different, but definitely keep your safety in mind. If you feel your survival and livelihood would be in danger, and you don’t have a large support system beyond your family, unfortunately, my suggestion would be not to come out. I will always advocate for being your authentic, true self, but in really harsh realities, you may not be in a safe environment to do so.
If you do have someone that you can trust and you know would not put you in harm’s way, then by all means, rely on them during this time. Figure out a way to create a support network, whether that’s chosen family or coworkers that you trust, and see if there are alternatives where you can take yourself physically out of the unsafe environment. Once you have a good support network, consider talking to your family, but while you’re under their roof and dependent on them with no method of escape, take that into serious consideration. Of course, that is the worst-case scenario, but unfortunately, it is a reality for some. Hopefully, your family will recognize that they still love you as a person, and that’s all that matters, and they’ll create a supportive, safe environment for you. That’s the ideal case, but if that doesn’t happen, then you’ll at least have your own support network that you’ve created for yourself.
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If you do have someone that you can trust and you know would not put you in harm’s way, then by all means, rely on them during this time. Figure out a way to create a support network, whether that’s chosen family or coworkers that you trust, and see if there are alternatives where you can take yourself physically out of the unsafe environment. Once you have a good support network, consider talking to your family, but while you’re under their roof and dependent on them with no method of escape, take that into serious consideration. Of course, that is the worst-case scenario, but unfortunately, it is a reality for some. Hopefully, your family will recognize that they still love you as a person, and that’s all that matters, and they’ll create a supportive, safe environment for you. That’s the ideal case, but if that doesn’t happen, then you’ll at least have your own support network that you’ve created for yourself.
Coming out is not an obligation, but a right. You deserve to be heard and accepted for who you are.
Talk to supportive friends or LGBT organizations - they can help you formulate your thoughts and build confidence.
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Talk to supportive friends or LGBT organizations - they can help you formulate your thoughts and build confidence.
Don't try to let that affect your relationship with your extended family, but if it's really bothering you then maybe try to talk to someone about it! I'm a lesbian as well so if you want you can try to talk to me!! Have a nice day!
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If you're not living with them, wait until you feel safe, and then come out. Or you can just block them when you move out and not tell them why.
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