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Is my friend rude or am I just sensitive?

HarryPotterhead1
HarryPotterhead1
09/22/25 4:37pm
Okay, so my friend, let's call him/her J, has been making me feel like she wants attention. We carpool to school with a couple of other girls, and I complimented this other friend, let's call her N, on her eyes. They're a really pretty hazel color, and then J says, "I mean, they're not really special. They're actually light brown." This honestly annoys me. Apparently none of my other friends noticed it. We're in the school band, J, N, and I. N has a smaller instrument, I have a French horn, and J has a sax. This other girl we carpool with, K, isn't in band. Since they have less stuff to carry, they usually carry our stuff to help. I was struggling the other day to carry it, and N was really nice and helped me. But she was also carrying J's saxophone, so they were struggling. I offered to carry one, so I asked her which one was heavier so that I could take it. J decides to cut in and say, "The sax is WAY heavier than your horn, trust me, it's not special." For reference, saxophones and their cases are about 15 pounds, while a French horn from my school band is around 20. I'm not saying she doesn't have a lot to carry, but I wasn't trying to compete, I was just trying to help and she made it into her sympathy party. No one else other than my dad when he was driving us really noticed it. I explained it to my friends, and they agreed that they did say that. I explained to them how they see it, but I feel like they're not as annoyed by it as I am. So am I being sensitive or is J actually doing something wrong? I don't mean like horrible, I mean am I just imagining it, or is it actually something there?
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wikiHow Expert
Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
11/03/25 5:42pm
Honestly, they sound a little insecure. Maybe they’re not comfortable talking in social settings or feeling less confident speaking to you. Sometimes people seem like they’re being mean or uninterested but really it’s because they’re just anxious about communicating in general. You’re not doing anything wrong and the comments that they’re making might come off as harsh, but there could be another reason for it. Hang in there.
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WikiAura111
WikiAura111
10/16/25 7:35pm
Yes, you're not imagining it. Your friend, J, is doing something wrong. They are constantly being negative & is (almost?) downplaying your every move, making it seem like it's useless or not needed. I am surprised no one is noticing this behaviour. If she has continued doing this for a while, maybe pull her aside and talk to her in private; maybe ask is everything okay, is SHE okay, stuff like that. She's just being toxic, and is trying ways to get attention, even if it means being a b-word.
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Faye!
Faye!
10/08/25 9:26pm
I think your friend is toxic and attention-seeking, you're not sensitive ( well, you may be, just not in this context), and your friend is just rude.
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WikiAura111
WikiAura111
10/17/25 7:54pm
Yes, I agree with this as well.
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